A bloke in the street said 'cheer up love, give us a smile' and I did. Urgh!!!

[YoJesse]

And now I'm pissed off with myself. I didn't feel like smiling, I don't think I should have to smile because some random male said I should. I just instantly did as I was told before my brain even engaged. Then he said 'ahh, that's much better baby face' I always do this or look embarrassed and scuttle by with my head down when blokes say stuff like this in the street even though I would call myself a feminist. (I'm not great at putting my feminist beliefs into action).

What do other women do? Withering look, sharp comment or just ignore.
Is it unreasonable for something like this to get to me that much?

Smiling in an open manner at someone else is an invitation to smile.

Telling someone to smile is an order.

Power masquerading as empathy. No wonder it makes you cross.

I've never had this happen I can only guess I look beyond hope!

I hate seeing someone with a face like a slapped arse....
And I would like someone to point it out to me if I had a face like thunder. It's not nice to look miserable.

Someone trying to put a smile on a few more faces

No, that's what Morecambe and Wise did. Not some random bloke (and it fucking is blokes, let's not pretend otherwise) on the street. I don't owe anyone a smile. I'm not there to be pleasing for men to look at, believe it or not.

I don't have a face like thunder. I have a normal face. Unfortunately my normal face isn't smiling all the time. No one goes around smiling for no reason.

So fuck off with your 'not nice to look miserable'. Some people have reason to look miserable and they don't have to justify themselves to you or anyone else.

Oh and I'm female, and while I've never said it to a complete stranger, I have said 'cheer up' to a miserable looking colleague or someone I know a little like a customer ...
Usually it opens up a conversation! And ends in a smile.

I hate seeing someone with a face like a slapped arse....
And I would like someone to point it out to me if I had a face like thunder. It's not nice to look miserable.

You don't know what's going on in their lives to make them miserable. Since when did everyone have to be all fake smiley smiley?

it's not nice to look miserable what?? If I see some random looking miserable I think 'or poor them'. I don't expect them to look happy just to please me.

Please stop claiming you have resting bitch faces. You really don't, you just have a face. Men don't get told off for not smiling do they? It's a horrible phrase that reinforces the idea that women must look happy and approachable at all times.

Also, do you think pointing it out to them is going to make them less miserable? No it won't

Well, I would advise you to stop using that as a conversational opener as you risk upsetting people when they have a reason to be unhappy. Don't you care about the fact that they might be struggling with a bereavement or a miscarriage or a hopeless situation? Telling them to cheer up shows you don't care what their problem is, only that they must pretend to be cheerful for your benefit. That's not helpful or kind. If a customer looks sad why not do something kind for them?

Thanks for the advice but like I said, my experience shows that it is a good way to let then open up.
They either say 'I'm hungry/working till late' or they say 'oh Is it that obvious.... So and so happened..' And they go on to tell me about it.

I'm not holding a knife up to them telling them to smile. It's just merely pointing out that they look grumpy ....

It's not nice to look miserable.

It's my face, if you don't want to look at it not being maniacally smiley, then don't look.

Not nice? Not nice for whom? The only person I have to please with my face, happy or sad is me.

Yes, they should smile through their miscarriages, right MrsS?

One day you are going to utterly humiliate yourself telling customers to do this. I hope you don't upset too many people before then.

(Hope you appreciate my feedback on your shitty workplace demeanour as much as you appreciate random men's feedback on your appearance. You've a lot of room to improve. You're welcome!)

Thanks for the advice but like I said, my experience shows that it is a good way to let then open up.

And what if they don't want to open up? Don't you think if people actually want to talk about what's bothering them, they will?

I have said 'cheer up' to a miserable looking colleague or someone I know a little like a customer ...
Usually it opens up a conversation! And ends in a smile.

You know that smile is entirely for your benefit, and if there was something bothering them, you almost certainly haven't made them feel better about it? If they were upset about something, all you will have achieved is making them put effort into looking happier.

Haha. I've had people say it to me also and it's always cheered me up and either made me realise I look like a miserable bitch and /or helped me talk to them about something and made me realise someone cares about my miserable mood.

I guess some people are just miserable by default and can find upset and offence in anything

They know they look grumpy!! Why the bloody hell should they not be allowed to be? I would avoid you in a shop once I knew you had form for this kind of thoughtless selfish behaviour. You have no idea of the impact of what you think is a helpful conversation. Cheering someone up is best achieved by doing something unexpectedly kind, a small act of kindness goes a long way. Better than a forced conversation in a shop with a stranger.

I guess some people are just miserable by default and can find upset and offence in anything

That's such a cop out response. You should have done it to properly and called us "professionally offended".

If you genuinely can't see why some people wouldn't want to talk about why they're upset I'm very glad you're not my work colleague.

In your experience? Your experience seems to involve having an empathy bypass somewhere.

I worked in Adult Ed for a long time, have worked in various other customer-facing environments and now work in a primary school. I have never told someone to cheer up or smile. It's so unprofessional. And if someone ever said it to me as a customer I'd be asking to see the Manager.

OP the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago, and I hate that my reflex was to smile at him, it was like my reaction is just to smile at anyone talking to me in order to appear 'friendly', and by the time I'd realised what he actually said ("Cheer up!" with a really horrid scowl on his face, actual contempt I felt from him, it was awful) it was too late and I realised that I was already smiling at him despite myself.

Spent the next half hour thinking of comebacks 'for next time'. "I will [cheer up] when I'm not having to look at you" was my favourite.

What is this 'resting bitch face?'

Do men have it too.

I've been told to cheer up by strange men all my life. I am quite cheerful until that happens. Why on earth should I be more decorative?

Oh Mrs, you're the one who gets excited to be called 'a mother id like to fuck' right?

MrsS1990 How exactly do you tell the difference between someone who is 'miserable' and someone who is simply not smiling.

There might be nothing wrong, they are simply not smiling. And who has the right to assume they should be otherwise?

If I walked around with a grin plastered on my face every second of the day, I'd look like something out of Stepford Wives....