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Party Etiquette? AIBU to be rather cheesed off?

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CheesedOffChiquita · 10/07/2016 17:23

So I hosted a surprise party for a close friend recently, as per a request from her other half. As I wasn't really willing to bank roll a party - at my house too - for a bunch of people I didn't know, I asked people to bring along some food or drink to contribute to the party. Trying to get people to actually confirm they were coming was a nightmare in the first place, and several of them who had promised to come, and bring certain items of food/drink with them, dropped out the day before, or even on the day. They didn't even message me to let me know - they messaged my friend's OH.

In the end I had around 12 people come, out of about 25 invited and confirmed until last minute. One of these was supposed to have brought a certain food (fairly critical to the party theme) with her but turned up completely empty-handed, although she'd splashed out on a new dress for the occasion. She tucked in to the food and drink with relish.

One of the guests was very ill on the day but had sent along the food and drink with one of the other guests, which I thought was very thoughtful of her, especially considering how ill she actually was.

When the party was about halfway through, several of the guests left together but before they did so, they gathered up every single sandwich/cake/mixer/bottle of alcohol leftover from what they'd brought. and took it home with them. I was just as I couldn't believe they would sit and eat/drink everything that other people had brought with them, bearing in mind that some items were more popular than others and so there weren't any leftovers of some things, and then gather up what they'd brought and take it away!

AIBU to be completely outraged at the behaviour of so many of these guests - both before and after the party? I was expecting to send all of the leftovers/booze etc home with my friend, as it was a party on her behalf. I just couldn't believe my eyes; I wouldn't dream of taking things home with me after a party unless it was demanded of me by the host? What is the usual party etiquette?

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whois · 16/07/2016 11:52

Sounds like a stupid way to organise a party.

If you didn't want to pay for it (totally reasonable!!!) the friends OH should have paid for everything and done all the order, all the setting up.

Bringing things to a party is a PITA.

I'd be pissed off at your friends OH for being such a wet blanket tight arse.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2016 12:28

Mumstheword - good for you NOT paying! But how fucking RUDE for them to have asked you but not others!! I mean, bad enough to ask anyone, but to single out some but not others is dreadful!
Glad you let it out to another family member, bet that went round the grapevine fast!

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Mumstheword12346 · 16/07/2016 23:43

Yes it was dealt with quickly however it hasn't stopped them. One of them is embarrassed but is too under the thumb to stand up to his other half.
It is quite ironic how they play at "happy" families and "highbrow"with friends but in reality it is the opposite.
Causing mayhem with family arguments, always taking from others and excluding people.
This is only the tiniest tip of the family iceberg they have created.

The only problem is that the other family member who gave the advice does facilitate them at times too, to avoid fall outs (they are paranoid about family fall outs) sweeping it under the rug.

It is extremely frustrating!