To report her if she does it again?

[Amy214]

Last weekend SIL had a big night out with friends (normal for her) she was really drunk and threw up. She popped round to our house the next day with the 2 children (under 5) after approximately 6-8 hours sleep, she still seemed pretty out of it (basically passed out on the sofa at one point) she complained that she still felt sick and dizzy. After 2 hours she finally left with her 2 children and drove home, i was sick with worry but they were ok. After a long discussion with dm i knew i should have reported her at the time. I have tried to discuss this with db but he doesn't seem to care (i did tell him that its not only her kids in the car with her its the innocent family going about their daily life that she may seriously injure) i was told that i was being stupid and that i should mind my own business i live in scotland the drink driving laws have changed and are different from the rest of the uk, she would've still been way over the limit the next day. Would it be U to report her? Not only to the police but social services aswell? I don't want them to lose their children but i think she needs some help.

Her son stayed the night at my house the day after she was drunk, she was sat on the sofa and asked if he could stay the night, i said yes what about the other one, she stayed with her grandad. As i don't have a bed for her. So rather than having a rest she went out again.
Inever said they needs there kids taking off them

Is it judgemental or is it looking out for the children?

SS wouldn't take a child away unless they are at risk of serious physical harm. They would only step in with support if they assessed the situation and thought the children were at risk in some way. In that case, if mum was a drinker, they would presumably give her some support and speak to dad and see what he was doing about it.

I don't know if you think it's necessary to involve ss op, I would think to begin with talking to mum and offering support when you can. It sounds like coming home after one night is unusual at the weekend, as she usually stays out all weekend and comes home on the sunday if I've read it right, by which time she's sobered up? In which case you might not be in this position again.

Drinking in the week - your db is there if the children need a sober adult so they aren't at risk then necessarily.

But what's fuelling the need to drink? That's what you can support. I understand your mum does the daily childcare and you do the weekend childcare, which is great, so maybe you're doing enough already. I don't know.

She works part time 5 days a week, her contract is part time, and no kitty i am not jealous of her. I would rather i spent time wifh my dd. She starts work at 9am, the kids are up at 6.30am, she finishes work at 3.30pm the kids are in bed by 6.30pm but if they are messing about it may be later.
My brother drives all day and could be at multiple sites all day, i know he has his problems and he knows this aswell.

So she only drove one child home that day then if he stayed with you?
Also it has nothing to do with you if she goes out she had childcare.
Again i dont think your sil drinking is the problem i think you dislike how she leads her life.
Stop having the children stay over then she will have to stay in seen as your brother can barely look after himself let alone 2 kids. Where was your brother? Or does he work 24 hours a day as well?

Pearl i already have answered that, maybe you weren't paying attention.

No kitty she brung the 2 children here, asked if he could stay the night i assumed he would be left here but she took him with her to give them dinner. He is on call all the time as breakdowns aren't very predictable.

If the chidren are up at 630 am then a bedtime of 630 pm is perfecrly fine given their ages yet you managed to make out she sent them early so she could drink

You have twisted everything you have said on this thread op all to make out your sil is in the wrong. You are not coming across well yourself. You sound nasty and vindictive.

He is on call all the time as breakdowns aren't very predictable nobody is on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Not even doctors. It is illegal.

• She drinks her usual of vodka/lemonade, rum/lemonade, skittlebombs (shots) jaegerbombs (shots) and other shots, prosecco and had a glass of champagne (bottle shared between friends) she doesn't let my db buy food as he buys shit (junk food) and once bought bread that went off the next day or only buys enough for his lunches at work. He never tidies up after himself or anyone else for that matter the only room that he will clean in that house is the kitchen because thats what they 'agreed' which they are both fine with*

Where did i say that she purposely semt them to bed early to drink? I said that she couldn't wait until they were in bed to have a drink.

She drinks every night - looks forward to this drink, puts the children to bed early rather than spending time with them, she doesn't see them all day.

You said it on page 4 OP

Kitty i couldn't care less anymore i never asked for your opinion on they way they live their lives, i asked a question about my 'alkie sil' and your determined to prove that i despise my sil. You really are nasty and i don't think i have ever met/spoke to anyone as nasty as you, you are a very angry individual.

She puts them to bed early rather than spending time with them. I know if i worked long hours i would want my child to stay up 20-30 minutes longer so i could have cuddle (then let them sleep longer in the morning)

Ha ha ha oh dear OP your contradictions are getting too much for you.

I am again far from angry i just find it strange that you will go to such lengths to paint your sil in a bad light while ignoring your brothers faults.

By the way you did ask for opinions when you posted on a thread asking for opinions.

I asked for opinions on sils drink driving not their life story.

She puts them to bed early rather than spending time with them. I know if i worked long hours i would want my child to stay up 20-30 minutes longer so i could have cuddle (then let them sleep longer in the morning)

They are both under 5 and up at 630 am so she gets at least an hour in the morning then shes home after 3pm so another couple of hours before bed.
Just because YOU would keep them up doesnt mean your sil is a bad mother for not doing it.

kitty you appear to imagine you're in a court of law and that the Op must prove beyond all reasonable doubt that her SIL is an alcoholic. In fact the Op has said she doesn't believe this woman is an alcoholic however most reasonable people having considered what the Op has said would surely be concerned that this person has a problem.

Frankly it's really weird that you are so invested in defending somebody you apparently don't know (and isn't you). I can only wonder what it is about this that makes you so determined to make the Op out to be a nasty liar.

I never called her a bad mother, you are putting words into my mouth now.
I know my brothers terrible and could do more but what else can we do?

Whatever Cant i dont know you or care what you think.

Maybe you are the one with a problem and not my sil, maybe thats why you are so defensive?

You really are nasty and i don't think i have ever met/spoke to anyone as nasty as you
To be fair, you're probably not the best judge of character.

You wanted support for reporting to SS as well as the police, you didn't get it. Most people think you're the one being nasty. Maybe MN is wrong. So do what you were going to do anyway and report away. Please do update the thread when SS respond by telling you to feck off won't you?

Seems like this thread is going around in circles.

OP, you've said that you suspected your SIL was unsafe to drive, but then when she said she was fine, you say you trusted her judgement. Setting aside the issue of whether your SIL has a drinking problem or not, it seems like the main problem is that after choosing to believe that your SIL was okay to drive, you're now second-guessing your decision.

This is the conversation that needs to be had, uncomfortable as it may be. If SIL really was unsafe to drive, yes, she made a bad choice that needs to be addressed for the future, but so did you, by not being more insistent about her not driving. The safety of the children trumps the discomfort of a tough conversation.

So here's how it could go.

"SIL, I need to talk to you about something difficult so I hope you'll bear with me. The other day when you were feeling really dusty after your big night, I was worried about whether you might be too hungover to drive. You said you were fine and I took you at your word, and obviously you did all get home, but I can't help feeling that it was a mistake on my part not to be more insistent. It's hard to judge whether you're really okay or not when you're so out of sorts.

I'm not judging you, I just love you and your kids and I know I couldn't live with myself if something had happened. So I'm just letting you know that if a similar situation comes up, I'm going to insist on having the keys until I feel really sure you're okay to drive. I hope you'll see where I'm coming from. I'd do the same for anyone I love."

A direct and loving conversation is your first action. This is family. You don't start ringing police until you've put in some effort yourself first.

Apparently you don't know the Op or her SIL either but you care a lot about this situation...