Am I an inbuilt baby sitter for my DH?

[LubiLooLoo]

10 weeks ago out lovely baby boy came along, and he is the best little thing in the world. I knew as I was taking all the MAT leave and BFing possible I would be doing most of the leg work. I don't mind, I can't say I'm even missing my job, but I am missing my life a bit.

Expressing hasn't been working for me especially well, I can hardly get a mouthful out of myself, so I understand I'm tied to feeding the baby and that can make going out and about hard, but AIBU if I expect my DH to make similar sacrifices?

Take last weekend, visiting his parents... He spent the whole evening in the pub with his siblings leaving me at the house with MiL then the next day went waking all day with his sister for her training, ending up again in the pub with no room for me and baby to join them...

I was annoyed, but figured he was allowed time away from me and babs to chill out with his family. But I did feel the need to flag that all the times he says, 'you and me nip to the pub.' Quickly became, 'me and everyone else but you...' When it became less convenient. He promised THIS weekend he would take the brunt of baby leaving me to have a bit of chill time.

So now to this weekend. We are up at MY parents, and it was no longer than an hour and a half from getting here that he disappeared off for a few pints with his mate who lives nearby. I made a point of asking if I can join (with baby thinking a few pints at 5 in the afternoon won't amount to much) but he said he needed time to talk to his mate as he had just recently got divorced...

I got him I was annoyed as we just arrived at my parents but understood him wanted to have a few drinks with a friend he hadn't seen for a bit, and agreed to leave them to it. I didn't really fancy turning up to a pub with my baby anyway.

I get a phone call a few hours later saying he was at a party, with this friend and his new girlfriend who had also brought a friend along.... Am I right to be instantly annoyed by this?!? These other 2 girls can go along but I can't? Not that I want to take a baby to a party, but should he be leaving me babysit while he goes out partying?

He returns at around 12am, saying I have no right to be as upset as I am and he should be allowed to drink with his mate.

I feel like he gets to go out and have fun without the same considerations as me, and I'm not sure he should be taking advantage of me as baby sitter. He said the night was worth me being upset with him, which hurts. It hurts more that they stopped to collect these other girls but no effort was made to include me and baby, his family. It hurts that he immediately left my family so quickly and didn't come back. He says that I'm over reacting and that I don't like him going out... Which isn't the case... I would just rather he would include us instead of trying to escape us... Am I mad?

Some men feel rejected and excluded by the new baby. It's not a feeling you have to accept, but it might be useful to see his behaviour through that lens. Maybe he was trying to make you jealous by mentioning the girl who saw him to the taxi? You were a couple - now there is someone else....

What were his parents like when he was growing up? did his mum stay home and his dad work a lot?

i suggest you decide what you want him to do, then ask him. Do all nappy changes when both of you are at home? Bath baby? Cook? What is reasonable for you? If it is his responsibility then accept him making mistakes eg badly put on nappy result in nappy leak ... As long as he makes good any mistakes and you don't rescue him!
Lots of my friends seem to be in a situation where the woman is in charge, and the man helps out. This is different from both partners being able to be in charge or helping out depending.

Someone else asked and you didn't answer that I saw - how old is he?

Good luck!!

aatahu

He is 32.

I think we go somewhere today... He's work isn't very busy at the moment and he works close to home. He usually comes in and tidies our house everyday, so it's pretty clean anyway (at least the bits people see are ) so I did a role reverse. He looked after baby while I tided and finally did some of those errands that were adding up.

I cooked (because all he is a terrible cook but think he's about to learn) and he bathed the babs before bed! And he still had time for a bit of gaming while I fed.

We decided we will walk the dog to the pub and share some chips today. It's the little things