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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really disappointed in DS's Yr 6 teacher...

281 replies

usernamesarenotimportant · 08/07/2016 23:57

I'm probably going to get a lot of YABU but that's ok. I just want to rant a bit.

It is DS's Birthday so he brought in some sweets like all the kids do. However there is a child who has been really nasty to DS throughout the whole year (violently). To the point that DS had to be educated at home for a month. It's all a very long story. He absolutely didn't want to give this boy a sweet. I assumed he wouldn't have to? His teacher said he wouldn't be allowed to give his sweets out if he wasn't going to give to all the children. My DS said that he wouldn't give the sweets out. I thought that was fair enough. But then his teacher seemed to pester him about how that wasn't really fair as the class had got excited about getting sweets and he had taken that away from them. DS said he would give them the sweets outside of the school gates so she confiscated them and said he won't be and that "considering the year he has had, she is surprised by the way he is deciding to treat somebody" no. no. no. no! that's really unreasonable in my opinion, this isn't some poor little boy who my DS is deciding to exclude, this is the child that violently attacked my son many times throughout the year and couldn't give a shit about it as he kept doing it repeatedly. She also wouldn't let him hand out his part invites in her classroom as he was the only boy not invited... But also wouldn't give him the invites back (they have to give them to the teacher at the start of the day). I'm just absolutely appalled. Is it me, or is this not exactly fair?

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 09/07/2016 00:52

I can read what you're saying. I just don't agree with you.

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:52

Wolfie, you're missing the point. I agree about the sweets, she can't exclude the kid, I know, my son knew too as he then said he wouldn't. I know that!!!

It was the comments after, why wouldn't she just leave it? Why try and guilt trip my son into it? That's the bit I'm annoyed about.

OP posts:

springwaters · 09/07/2016 00:53

I'm not knocking her, she has a tough job,

Of course you are.`the thread is titled Really disappointed in DS's Yr 6 teacher

How is that not knocking her?

LouBlue1507 · 09/07/2016 00:54

The teacher said nothing wrong, She pointed out to your son that excluding one person isn't nice.. I don't think she was expecting your son to invite him but not to invite everyone else in front of him.. She's doing her job.. She did the right thing..

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:55

springwaters, I have seen you on a couple of other teacher related threads, you always seem to come across the way you do.

I am disappointed in her, but I was just trying to say that I know her job isn't a walk in the park, etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:57

lou considering the year he has had, she is surprised by the way he is deciding to treat somebody

I think that's implying that what he was doing was on the same level as the other kid.

And to go on about how he is being unfair to the class.

I think it is a bit unfair, especially considering the circumstances and what he has been through, she could have left it.

OP posts:

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/07/2016 00:57

Another thread where comprehension levels are snakes belly low.

Of course the teacher couldn't allow the sweets to be handed out to all but one child, God forbid should a child suffer the natural consequences of acting like a little shit...then we wonder why there's such a decline in society

The OP & her son both accept this is the schools stance on this, at that point the teacher should have let it go, but no, the teacher kept on at him to hand them out as they were expecting sweets etc. Year 6, not bloody nursery and it was the OP's DS's 'gift' to the children, not hers. She was trying to bully him into doing something he didn't want to do - I imagine that's against most schools rules, as it should be.

She should have given the sweets & invitations straight back to OPDS & left it at that.

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 01:00

ExtraHotLatteToGo - you have written it exactly how I see it, thank you. In maybe a more understanding way.

OP posts:

springwaters · 09/07/2016 01:02

springwaters, I have seen you on a couple of other teacher related threads, you always seem to come across the way you do.

What you you mean by that ?

I only moved to this user name under a week ago?

I was a head for many years of several schools. . I still work in education. Does that make my view irrelevant- or do you just not like what I am saying>

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 01:07

Yeah, you would be a headteacher, probably a head similar to the one my DS goes to. One who tries to talk you out of going to the police but then never does anything. It doesn't make your point irrelevant, but it just makes me think "you would say that"

OP posts:

LouBlue1507 · 09/07/2016 01:10

OP YABU and rude.. If you don't want honest opinions and are only looking for someone to pay your back then look elsewhere! So rude!

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 01:10

I'd take my child's account of what happened with a big pinch of salt

The teacher should have kept the sweets and invites until the end of school and given them back then

LouBlue1507 · 09/07/2016 01:17

Pat not pay!

springwaters · 09/07/2016 01:19

You know nothing about me as head. Why do you feel the need to make personal comments about me because I disagreed with your views?

I have no idea what you are going on about when you mention the police

You obviously have issues that go far beyond the scope of this thread

YourNewspaperIsShit · 09/07/2016 01:24

I feel like screaming at the screen reading this thread OP agrees with the teacher and not excluding the bully and that she can't participate in that. OP is upset about the teacher trying to guilt DS and keeping his belongings

It's like half the posters can't read. It's said OP is reading only what she wants to but I'd beg to differ.

GinIsIn · 09/07/2016 01:25

OP you have absolutely no call to speak to Springwaters like that. Ironic to be complaining about bullying but make personal attacks on people whose opinions don't match yours....

Yes the teacher should have given the sweets back but she may have had a busy day and it slipped her mind - you could have just asked for them rather than your 'making eye contact' - your DS's birthday was probably not the centre of her day and she may have just forgotten.

I am so sorry your DS has had a hard time. I was the victim of terrible bullying at his age and I do know how it feels. But I'm a grown up now, and so are you. So I know that firstly - no child bullies for no reason. You say you 'don't give a fuck about that child', but something bad is happening in that child's life to make them act out, so it isn't your place to want them 'taught a lesson' by spite. And two, 70% of bullies have themselves been victims of bullying. If your child learns to respond to spite with spite, teaching him to bully the bullies is not helping him get better.

Of course he doesn't have to invite the child to his party, and yes the teacher should have given back the sweets but the way you talk about the bully and the way you speak to people who disagree with you on here is not the way to come to terms with being bullied or to help your son move on from it.

YourNewspaperIsShit · 09/07/2016 01:25

springwaters I assume OP has gotten a little personal because she's very agitated that's the "views" you are disagreeing with isn't what she's complaining about in the first place

YourNewspaperIsShit · 09/07/2016 01:26

OP I really do think you should have asked for the belongings back if you were given the opportunity

GinIsIn · 09/07/2016 01:27

Also you only have your DS's word for it that the teacher was 'trying to make him feel guilty' - she may have just asked him if he was sure that's what he wanted to do, and your son has read too much into it because he felt a bit guilty. Which is hardly the teacher's fault.

Original poster

usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 01:28

At the time my son hadn't even told me about it, as we were only just leaving, so I didn't even realise the sweets/invites hadn't been handed out until back to the car, so I couldn't have asked her.

OP posts:

HidingUnderARock · 09/07/2016 01:29

She should be giving you your belongings back.
If she hasn't done that then you need to tackle her about it. It should have been done immediately at the end of the day when she came out to speak to you about it (which ofc she didn't)

If you are brave enough you could tackle her about the comments, but it is unlikely you will get any satisfaction on that, regardless how accurate.

Justbeingnosey123 · 09/07/2016 01:36

You didn't know they weren't given out, so why were you making eye contact with her? Or is that normal? Do you have anymore school left or are you done now? If your back next week I think it's reasonable to ask her what happened?

NoCakeLeft · 09/07/2016 01:38

Am I reading a different OP or did everyone else here stopped reading halfway through the OP?
I agree with you OP, she should've left it after he decided not to give out sweets and given back the invites and sweets after the end of school.

KissMyArse · 09/07/2016 01:43

OP why are you even sending him to this school?

Presumably because the school failed to deal with the bullying, you home educated him for a month. You seem to have no respect for the head teacher or his form teacher so why not continue to home educate him?

YourNewspaperIsShit · 09/07/2016 01:44

Fair enough OP, just make sure to let her know not to keep hold of things again once class has finished

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