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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really disappointed in DS's Yr 6 teacher...

281 replies

usernamesarenotimportant · 08/07/2016 23:57

I'm probably going to get a lot of YABU but that's ok. I just want to rant a bit.

It is DS's Birthday so he brought in some sweets like all the kids do. However there is a child who has been really nasty to DS throughout the whole year (violently). To the point that DS had to be educated at home for a month. It's all a very long story. He absolutely didn't want to give this boy a sweet. I assumed he wouldn't have to? His teacher said he wouldn't be allowed to give his sweets out if he wasn't going to give to all the children. My DS said that he wouldn't give the sweets out. I thought that was fair enough. But then his teacher seemed to pester him about how that wasn't really fair as the class had got excited about getting sweets and he had taken that away from them. DS said he would give them the sweets outside of the school gates so she confiscated them and said he won't be and that "considering the year he has had, she is surprised by the way he is deciding to treat somebody" no. no. no. no! that's really unreasonable in my opinion, this isn't some poor little boy who my DS is deciding to exclude, this is the child that violently attacked my son many times throughout the year and couldn't give a shit about it as he kept doing it repeatedly. She also wouldn't let him hand out his part invites in her classroom as he was the only boy not invited... But also wouldn't give him the invites back (they have to give them to the teacher at the start of the day). I'm just absolutely appalled. Is it me, or is this not exactly fair?

OP posts:
KissMyArse · 09/07/2016 00:27

However, to say you'd be fuming if your kid didn't get a party invite no matter what they had done, are you joking?

Confused Who said that?

springwaters · 09/07/2016 00:27

Your thread is named Really disappointed in DS's Yr 6 teacher

This is nothing at all to do with the class teacher

Sort it out - outside school.

Stop slagging off an innocent teacher.

You and parents like you are the reason that teachers want to leave teaching.

Take some responsibility yourself rather than slagging off a teacher.

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2016 00:27

They all bring in sweets?
Yes. For everyone.
The teacher is trying to make your child realise it is not kind to pointedly exclude one person.
Go into school, collect sweets and invites. Hand them out less publicly outside of school.
Can't you see this kind of exclusion is tantamount to bullying the bully?

goingmadinthecountry · 09/07/2016 00:29

I wouldn't let happy haribo happen unless all were included. It's rude. You can invite who you like to your ds's party - I stay out of it. In Y6 invitations rarely come anywhere near me. Grow up, OP. Otherwise your ds will be made mincemeat of at secondary school.

crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:29

Only on MN do you have to invite a child who has violently attacked your child to their birthday party.

Nobody in real life would do this. No one.

I think people are deliberately not reading OP properly. It's the fact the teacher kept th sweets and the invites and then hassled the child. As a professional
She could have just said I'm afraid you can't do that and then handed back the sweets which OPs son decided to do anyway. Not judge him and decide to moralise.

If a child attacked mine to the point he had to be home schooled like fuck would he be invited to a party.

springwaters · 09/07/2016 00:30

I think some of you are being a bit quick to jump on me

And you were not quick to slag off the teacher ?

Original poster
usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:30

iliveina said Imagine if it were your son excluded. You'd be fuming. Well I would be if it were my dd. No matter what she'd done.

It was the comments by the teacher I was disappointed in and springwaters you really don't need to keep repeating yourself.

To be honest, it's spiteful what the kid did, but I guess bullying is fine on MN. My kid can be in whatever state due to the actions of someone else, but oh no, it's very spiteful and wrong of him to not want to give the kid a sweet.

Maybe my OP was worded wrongly.

OP posts:
crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:31

Calm down springwaters. Don't know why you are attacking OP so much. Your anger is disproportionate to the situation. Perhaps step back. This is obviously too personal for you.

springwaters · 09/07/2016 00:32

and springwaters you really don't need to keep repeating yourself.

You get an answer that you don't like and so you dismiss the poster.

You need to grow up.

crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:32

Op's son is just a child. Not wanting to hand out a sweet to one child isn't on and the teacher pointed that out. But no
Need to hassle him because as a child who has been attacked he is entitled to his feelings

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2016 00:32

It's not spiteful not to give the kid a sweet. It's spiteful to bring in sweets for the class and then say "x can't have one because they were so horrid to me".
Party invites? Have who you like to the party. Don't give invites out at school. Poor teacher.

crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:33

Where else do you give invites out if not at school Confused

hownottofuckup · 09/07/2016 00:33

I get it OP, my DC go to a small form entry school too. To just invite their friends would be the whole class. If one child had physically attacked DC throughout the year i wouldn't expect DC to invite them even though it would single then out. Natural consequence.
I agree with you too, that ok DC can't hand them out if he won't hand them out to all, that's fine. But she should have returned the sweets to you/adult collecting and explained.

Original poster
usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:33

Thank you crystalgall you actually see my point.

OP posts:
KissMyArse · 09/07/2016 00:33

I've scrolled back and lighthouse said you (and she) would be fuming about the 'only child not getting a sweet' situation if it were your child.

crystal nobody said the child had to be invited, just not make it so pointed by handing out invites in class to everyone but them.

springwaters · 09/07/2016 00:34

Thank you crystalgall you actually see my point.

So posters who see you point get praised and the rest get dismissed.

This is AIBU.

Original poster
usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:34

You too hownottofuckup

Exactly, he did say he'd hand them out outside then, but she wouldn't give them back. It would be impossible to knock on all the children's doors.

OP posts:
crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:35

How else would a parent get the invites to all the kids? You might not catch them
All
In the playground? You might be the first one in/last one in to collect.

I have no idea of the etiquette as DS starts reception in September.

CodyKing · 09/07/2016 00:35

Not all teachers are great - my DCs have had some appalling ones.

I'd agree the sweets is petty - however the teacher could've explained that she couldn't give them out but DS could at the end of the day outside school.

I wouldn't invite a bully to a party, has the situation changed? Has it stopped?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 09/07/2016 00:35

Yes sorry your being very unreasonable it exactly the leaving out that is the issue it might not be to you but it is to the school. Many many schools have all or none policies. The sweets were brought in to school to give out on school property it doesn't matter that your son then said he wouldn't that was his intention backed up and encouraged by you.

Exclusion is a form of bullying! The teacher is absolutely right to point out that he is turning in to the child that caused him to be removed from school ie a bully. There are many forms of bullying all and I mean all are INACCEPTABLE!

No your son shouldn't be expected to invite the bully child but then he loses the chance to hand out sweets or invitations at school sorry just the way it is to safeguard every one! The bully also wouldn't invite your son so he loses that chance too.

The fact it's a small school makes it worse it's going to be so obvious that every other child got a treat.

Nope the teacher did exactly the right thing end off

LouBlue1507 · 09/07/2016 00:35

OP is just reading what she wants to hear.. No one is saying that you should invite the bully! But you can't expect a teacher to allow one person to be excluded.

Like I said, I would of confiscated the sweets myself and given them to you at the end of the day. But like I said, she's human and has a stressful job!

Original poster
usernamesarenotimportant · 09/07/2016 00:35

Surely though, that's a consequence of being so nasty to someone else?

OP posts:
crystalgall · 09/07/2016 00:36

But you're not addressing OP
Issues springwaters which is the teacher trying to moralise to her son and refusing to hand back the sweets and cards. Is that ok?

Justbeingnosey123 · 09/07/2016 00:36

Did she hand them back to you at the end of the day?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/07/2016 00:37

I meant if the teacher doled out sweets and left my dd out. I'd be fuming. No where did I Mention a party. I wasn't even aware there was a party.

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