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Original poster

WIBU to ask for an eternity ring?

146 replies

Itsaplayonwords · 07/07/2016 22:46

My DH and I had talked about how an eternity ring is usually given at the birth of your first child, however I told him not to buy me one at that time as we had spent a lot of money on our wedding (DD1 was a honeymoon baby) and the money was better used for baby things than on jewellery. It's my 30th birthday at the end of the year and I'd really like an eternity ring. DH would be spending money on a present for me anyway and there's nothing else I really want, but it's not the sort of thing you usually ask for. I know as well that if I did ask and he'd already planned to get me one, or something similar, then he'd feel as though I'd spoilt the surprise.

Should I ask or not?

OP posts:
magratvonlipwig · 09/07/2016 06:34

I wouldnt bother with hints. You'll spend the time till your birthday wondering if he's grasped it or if you need to hint again .
I'd say that there's something you'd really like for your birthday, and ask him has he already got something or would he like you to say what it is. And say itd be nice to have a little outingto choose it. Or at least to narrow the field down. Then he can go back and "surprise " you with the final choice, which would be his as it's a gift from him.

NancyDecca · 09/07/2016 06:53

In fact it looks like they did the same for diamond engagement rings
www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/
Didn't stop me having one Blush

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/07/2016 07:56

I thought eternity rings were after first child tho friend had one after first year of marriage as having problems ttc

In the end it doesn't matter why or who

If that's what you would like for your bday then tell dh

MazzleDazzle · 09/07/2016 09:47

To me, an eternity ring represents a special occasion, be it anniversary, the birth of a child or whatever.

If you want one, ask! No amount of hints will work on some men.

After passing many milestones: DD1, DD2, 30th birthday, 10 year anniversary, I didn't have an eternity ring.

DH had offered a few times over the years, but I felt it was a bit silly and there were more boring, practical things to do with the money.

When I fell pregnant with DS last year I loudly demanded a ring! Gave my DH a year to save for it. We saved some money by buying a second hand ring (I picked it) and getting the stones reset in a new band.

I'm collecting it this week Grin.

Is there something you could buy your DH in return? I know my DH would like a watch. I'm saving what I can and will let him pick, or he can pay towards it too if he wants something more expensive.

wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna · 09/07/2016 12:21

Ask away.

Be warned though. I asked for an eternity ring for my 30th.

Got a £15 necklace that made my neck green and a hat.

Gallievans · 09/07/2016 21:45

DH bought me one after DD was born. We couldn't afford an expensive engagement ring so this was his way of saying thanks for his daughter as well - it was our 6th wedding anniversary. He told me to look at a liust he'd put together and choose 3 that I liked. I love the one he bought. Go ahead and ask if that's what you want!

Soleye · 09/07/2016 23:49

5 year anniversary coming up and if I'm honest I would have been pretty upset had dh not got me jewellery- 5 is a big one. I didn't think he would though and was ready to be disappointed.

He proved me wrong yesterday though, by saying he'd found an eternity ring and wanted to show me before he bought it. But would I have demanded one? Absolutely not, it would have sucked the joy out of it. I would have felt dh was only doing it as he'd been asked (put in a corner).
If I have to ask him to buy me something, I may as well have bought it myself- just how I feel.

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 10/07/2016 08:33

Anyone think something like saving for university might be more important?

This is how I feel, but want my DC's to get on the housing ladder. My engagement ring was a few £££ and I couldn't justify spending that on another ring. I'd rather put the money in their savings accounts.

Having said that, I'm lucky if DH even remembers my birthday!

sharknad0 · 10/07/2016 08:47

Anyone think something like saving for university might be more important?

why can't you do both?
The value of diamond rings varies immensely, you can find one in any budget, from £100 in Argos to £7k+ in Tiffany. That doesn't stop you from saving for the kids as well. It's great to save for university/ cars/ weddings/ deposit on their future house (I am sure I forgot something), but you do need a life too! It's my role to help them, but they will have to chip in too once they are adults.

OpheIiaBaIIs · 10/07/2016 09:21

My grandMIL was given an eternity ring by grandFIL before he went to war in the 1930s. So yes, they've definitely been a thing since well before the 1960s.

busyteachingmummy · 10/07/2016 21:32

Personally I hope to get my eternity ring after we have been married for a while. My husband gave me a lovely Swarovski ornament when our son was born.

ExConstance · 11/07/2016 13:59

Mine was £900 24 years ago. I could sell it if I wanted to help Ds1 or 2 financially and have had 24 years pleasure from wearing it. I won't be selling it though, fortunately don't need to.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 11/07/2016 14:55

Ophelia I don't doubt your grandfather gave your grandmother a ring and it may subsequently have been described by them and others as an Eternity ring, but the term is definitely a 1960s invention.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 11/07/2016 21:16

ophelia, rings with stones all the way around have been a 'thing' for centuries - no one doubts that.

The point is that the tradition of them being intended to mark a specific event , is recent.

honeylulu · 11/07/2016 21:23

I was given mine for my 40th which was also the week I had what we knew would be our last child. We were sooo poor when we had our first it was out of the question then. It felt really appropriate to be given it on completion of our family. But a 30th is a great occasion. Go for it!

ExConstance · 13/07/2016 10:05

My father gave my mother one in 1957, just after I was born, so can't be a 1960's invention. It has diamonds all round and she was bought it as an eternity ring, in what, in my family, we believe to be the tradition of eternity ring being to celebrate safe arrival of first child and a bit of a treat for the mother.

Kangamum · 13/07/2016 10:22

I dropped hints, brought up the conversation then I just asked my other half for an eternity ring when I was pregnant with our DD. She's 9 months now, I got nothing. We've been together 10 years in December. Still upsets me.

hollyisalovelyname · 13/07/2016 17:39

I wouldn't go for diamonds all around the ring. The stones get mucky.
Get half in diamonds and the rest in platinum or white, yellow or rose gold.
I luffs rings.

Muskateersmummy · 13/07/2016 17:45

I have a full et. The stones don't get that mucky. I take it off before doing any mucky jobs which you really should do with any stoned ring.

Plus the rings tend to move so no stones are always at the bottom so it gets no dirtier than the half et's that I see coming in to me at work.

I'm am conscious of keeping mine clean though as mine are on display every day in our shop so they are regularly cleaned.

hollyisalovelyname · 13/07/2016 18:52

I only take my rings off at night.
I do wear gloves (sometimes) when doing the washing up. Blush

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