WIBU to ask for an eternity ring?

[Itsaplayonwords]

My DH and I had talked about how an eternity ring is usually given at the birth of your first child, however I told him not to buy me one at that time as we had spent a lot of money on our wedding (DD1 was a honeymoon baby) and the money was better used for baby things than on jewellery. It's my 30th birthday at the end of the year and I'd really like an eternity ring. DH would be spending money on a present for me anyway and there's nothing else I really want, but it's not the sort of thing you usually ask for. I know as well that if I did ask and he'd already planned to get me one, or something similar, then he'd feel as though I'd spoilt the surprise.

Should I ask or not?

I hate to sound mean- but you do know that the "tradition" of eternity rings was started in the 1960s by De Beers because they had a lot of very small diamonds that weren't suitable for the type of engagement rings that were fashionable at the time? So it was really just a marketing exercise.....

My parents got married in 1960 and my dad out an enternity ring on my mother's finger when they signed the register.

Regardelss, who gives a shit whether there is a tradition or not?

I gave XH my eternity ring back telling him that his idea of eternity was clearly somewhat different to mine. :)

DH surprised me nine months after dc1 was born by saying we are going shopping today for an eternity ring.

Dc2 he bought me clothes as needs must.

Dc3 nothing but we both nearly died so more important things to think about!

This is totally made up bullshit and makes me angry. Buy yourself a fecking ring if you want one. On my planet eternity rings were always for the big anniversaries like 25 years. Have I strayed onto netmums??

I'm not especially bothered about the tradition of it, we just both had in mind that that's when an eternity ring was usually given. If I was bothered about tradition I wouldn't have told him not to buy me one following the birth of DC1.

I suppose I would just like a piece of jewellery to mark my 30th birthday and what is marketed as an eternity ring would go nicely with my engagement ring and wedding band. Maybe I should just tell him I'd like a ring.

On my planet eternity rings were always for the big anniversaries like 25 years. Have I strayed onto netmums?

No, it's just your planet is not the same as everybody else's :)

It's fascinating how quickly things get embedded in our minds. This tradition is younger than I am!

Maybe I should just tell him I'd like a ring.

Yes!

On my planet eternity rings were always for the big anniversaries like 25 years.

On your planet, do you always treat marriage as something akin to an annoying job for which you deserve a long service medal?

Just ask, subtle hints will get you nowhere. Personally, I think the concept of eternity rings is a bit odd

What's the point of an eternity ring? Surely the wedding ring covers this.

If it's about being bound to someone in the afterlife, I'm not sure about that.

Buy yourself a fecking ring if you want one.

Surely it makes more financial sense to ask DH to buy me something I would like as a birthday present rather than me buying it for myself and DH spending more money on something else which I either don't need or hadn't crossed my mind that I might want.

I was up front and got one of the kids to go and tell daddy that mummy wanted an eternity ring. Sadly, she got it slightly wrong and told him I wanted a 'maternity' ring, which gave him a bit of a shock, given he had just had the snip not long before! However, he did buy one and I loved it. A few years later, at a loss for what to give me, he bought another one, having totally forgotten about the first, despite the fact it was on my hand all the time. It did mean, though, that when we split up, I gave each daughter a ring for them to sell or keep, whatever they wanted.

Soupdragon

Yes it describes a lot of gifts.

It also describes a lot of things that are bought for oneself.

Of course the best things are beautiful and useful.

It is the asking for one that rubs me the wrong way. And for a birthday that isn't exactly a milestone.

But you know, you do you. If your dh has the money. You want one enough to ask for it, but not to buy it for yourself. And you are sure that anything else your dh may want or choose to do for your 30th of his own accord would only disappoint you. Then yeah ask for it.

DH got me an eternity ring for Christmas, he have been married 18 years

Total surprise, he had it designed himself (Although helps as one of our friends is a bespoke jeweller). It's very pertinent to us as a couple re the stone and the design. Hid it in the Christmas tree

It's also very expensive. And we couldn't have ever afforded such a lovely thing when the DC were small. I don't have any other piece of expensive piece so it feels doubly amazing when I look down on it on my finger. Not that cost is important but I hope you understand what I am trying to convey! Like driving a flash car when you've only driven bangers

Going to go against the grain and say the surprise was wonderful, and the level of thought he put in by himself was touching.

I personally would ask, but that's totally not a criticism OP.

Excessive use of , sorry!

Just say husband you know that eternity ring wellll 😊 I got 1 for my tenth wedding aniversary I didnt know it is tradition after first baby think you can get 1 at anytime. My cousin gave his partner 1 after they had been together 25years

YANBU? I bought my own on DD's first birthday though :) just about to buy another for myself as she's turned 3 and I've turned 40.

YANBU! I bought my own on DD's first birthday though :) just about to buy another for myself as she's turned 3 and I've turned 40.

I've been asking for one for years and years in a jokey way because I consider that my wedding ring is my eternity ring. We have four children and after the birth of each of them, I'd say that I think I'd earned one now and could I have one. DH kept saying that we couldn't afford it.

This year was our 15th anniversary. He gave me the most beautiful eternity ring that he'd designed and had made for me in Antwerp without my knowledge. It's probably one of the most romantic things he's ever done - he usually asks me what I'd like and doesn't deviate from that, and he's terrible at keeping secrets!

So YANBU to ask for one, there are no rules!

Wouldn't ask, sorry. Must need more coffee...

I always thought it was something ppl gave to say sorry for having an affair...?

robins yes! It's exactly that! You fucking made it through; the good times, the shit times, kids, illness...You two stuck together and did it. Little celebration please! Marriages can be difficult, life is tough. I barely wear my wedding ring though, so not sure if I'd want another ring!

Some sneery comments just because someone feels differently.

I'm a traditionalist. Don't care what others think about that or what anyone else wants to do. Just be happy.

I get the celebration, bottom, I just don't get the policing of other people over it. If you celebrate with a ring - lovely. If someone else wants one too, for something different, what does it take away from you? You know what matters is the symbol, not the money value.

That's why I think the OP is worrying too much.