The daughter you never had.

[Flash13]

Colleague has just had a baby daughter, and she brought her in to work so that the workforce can have a cuddle with the little lady.
My AIBU is, as another colleague passed the baby on to me to have a quick squeeze she said to me "here Flash13, pretend she's the daughter you never had." I have two gorgeous little boys and I take serious offence to people acting like they aren't as precious as little girls. So I flashed at her and said " that's was a horrible thing to say."
Afterwards she apologised and said she didn't mean it the way it sounded. But to be honest I am still hurt. I think so many people, women especially, make out as though your family isn't perfect, unless you have a little girl.

All mine are the same sex and I occasionally get comments similar to the one you've had.....will you try for a girl? .....crikey 3 boys you've got your work cut out.....how do you cope?

Similar negative, unhelpful and disrespectful comments.

Though I'm sure No one means any harm it's frustrating to think that others think I've got a hard life because I have 3 boys.

They're boys-not Devils most of the time

Would the "your're being oversensitive" and "its not meant to be bad" people please fuck off?
Just because you aren#t bothered by it, òr more likely have never experienced it, doesn't mean it isn't real and offensive to other people. The inability to understand other peoples feelings on the matter is your failing, not their problem.

If you have only boys, multiple people telling you that your life is not complete because you don't have a girl is offensive, and if you can't grasp that, you're probably the kind of fool that is saying this shit to people.

I have four boys and get this "you poor thing, how awful", "you must have been trying for a girl" attitude quite often, especially when they were younger.

The only time it really annoys me is when, as has happened several times, someone says it in front of my kids - with the obvious implication that they weren't right and I had to keep going to try to get a better one (not true!)

Friends with all girls on the other hand report this stuff happens much less frequently - there definitely seems to be a train of thought that your life's not complete without a daughter that doesn't apply in the other direction.

And I can never understand why people come on and bleat 'Oh, X didn't mean anything by it!'. The vast majority of the time, no one is suggesting that whoever made the remark was doing so with the conscious intent to wound - it would be very easy to deal with hurtful or insensitive comments if that were always the case, because you would know they were born of malice and could respond in kind.

The majority of hurtful/insensitive remarks are made by people who don't mean to wound, but who are too incapable to thinking outside their own prejudices and entrenched thinking to think other people might think differently.

A poster up the thread said a family member had sent her flowers and a commiserating note after her 20 week scan because she was having a perfectly healthy, much-wanted baby, who was - shock! horror! - a boy, rather than the girl she assumed the poster wanted. She almost certainly thought she was being nice and understanding, but it was still a breathtakingly ignorant assumption to make!

User the op has posted on AIBU.
People are offering different ranges of perspectives and opinions as well as expierences.
Never mind with this 'fuck off' business. I've only got boys. I've had people tell me my life should have girls in it but you know what? I still can't find any reason to take offense. That's their opinion. I really don't care what people think should be in my life.

We have become a nation of offended snowflakes ffs!

I really hate this mentality. When I was pregnant with number 4 and was at toddler groups with number 3, a little boy, people would make comments like "Oh did you want a girl?" or "Are you going to try for a girl next?" or assume when I said I had 3 children that they were all boys. The whole on of each pisses me off. They are children, not accessories.

I stopped reading at 'little lady'

I have a beautiful, smart, funny 2 year old ds. He is really delightful.

Last year I was 14 weeks pregnant and people asked would I like a girl as I already have a boy.

I said I just wanted a healthy baby. I work with children with complex disabilities and feel strongly that too much weight is put on gender.

Our baby had anencephaly and did not survive. I did not want to know the gender as I did not want to have that on my mind.

People say all sorts of mindless comments and project onto you but you can make your point with a well worded joke.

I like to say girls scare me lol! I think it is a bit true! Ds and I are very close.

Gender means nowt. Health is everything.

My friend has a girl toddler and now a newborn boy. She said she didn't mind what the gender would be but it just would have been easier to use the girlie clothes again. I told her just go ahead lol!

Well as the work colleague apologised to the OP maybe we should all set an example and move on.

Boys are brill, girls are great, all children are a blessing and all that.

It's horrible.

I have a son, who has ASD. I've actually had someone say "...it must be so hard, especially as he isn't a girl..." what!?

I don't get it.

Odd thing to say but she apologised immediately when you told her you thought it was rude, so on that basis you are now BU.

you flashed at her?!

YANBU! This is rude and sexist.

OP, what do you mean you "flashed at her"?