Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Son upset

64 replies

rascalchops1 · 04/07/2016 10:12

My 7 yr old son is can only child, partner refused to have any more.We took 2 friends out yesterday and they came back to our house. He cried when they went home and moaned nobody comes to our house, even though they do. He seemed glum this morning. He has struggled at school, but little by little he is getting there and improving all the time. AIBU to be angry at my other half for my son's only child status. Or do kids with siblings get upset like this.

OP posts:

grannytomine · 04/07/2016 10:14

One of the big challenges with my two grandsons is stopping them from killing each other. The eight year old frequently complains that his brother has ruined his life. I think one thing that it is important to remember is that mum's are very inclined to feel guilty, kids love making us feel like we got it wrong. He might not like a sibling, who knows?

Stillunexpected · 04/07/2016 10:18

YABU. Children love to moan and whinge especially when they are tired. You can bet that if he had a sibling he would have periods when he would be wanting to "send them back", scrapping with them, moaning about them taking his things etc. It's human nature not to be happy with what you have got!

mrsfuzzy · 04/07/2016 10:20

i was an only child and at times felt i was growing up around adults all the time, a lot of pressure was put on me at school to do well [as mum had only one shot at 'getting it right' - my thoughts]. i felt i was missing out on a sibling as i grew up but i survived and seeing how some families carry on in real life [and on mn ] i think thank goodness i don't have sibs and extended family - although i'm sure most families are great.
in your case though this must be a hard thing to accept, has dh said why he doesn't want another ? if it's financial it is do -able i've been married four times and have six dc,and have brought my home out right, it's tough but it can be done, could you really accept not to have a second child if being honest with yourself ?

shoofly · 04/07/2016 10:24

I have two boys, aged 10 & 5. DS2 was a surprise pg, having waited so long to get pg, I had resigned myself to having an only. Sometimes they love each other to bits, frequently they can't bear to be in the same room as each other. If you had had another child you would've worried about him feeling pushed out. I think you just need to encourage him to make friends and ignore the huffy behavior. Kids will make you feel guilty whatever happens.

MrsJayy · 04/07/2016 10:27

7yr olds like to whinge about everything they live in the moment so he was unhappy his friends had left it was the end of the world to him then he got a bit dramatic about it. His dad isnt at fault there is no fault

NavyAndWhite · 04/07/2016 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 04/07/2016 10:29

My friends child is last of 4 and he is the most ott dramatic child i have ever met EVERYTHING is a moan

NoCapes · 04/07/2016 10:31

I have 3 and at least one of them always wishes at least one of the others had never been born
Kids are just never satisfied

dangermouseisace · 04/07/2016 10:33

YABU- he cried because his friends went home. Your son doesn't mention wanting a sibling- it's other children his own age! It sounds like he had a great time out with you, him and his friends, and he just didn't want it to end. But all good things etc... If you had borrowed a newborn baby for the day, and gone out with the newborn baby your son would have been desperate to give it back!

Are you cross with your partner because you want another child, or because you think your child wants a sibling?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 04/07/2016 10:33

My boys love each other but it doesn't stop the younger one getting very sad that he has fewer friends 'round than his brother - DS1 is constantly pestered by kids ringing the bell and phoning and often gets upset at having to choose between friends or having to say no to someone who rings the bell because he's already made plans with someone else or because we are planning to go out shortly. DS1's friends mostly live in the next village by sheer bad luck, so only one child calls for him and he is not about as much as DS1'S friends.

DD sometimes complains about the lack of a sister and ds2 would like a little brother. .. only ds1 is happy with the number of siblings he has, but he and DD do fight like cat and dog occassionally (though mostly they are good friends, but then sometimes that makes ds2 sad...)

There are pros and cons to every number of choldren. Just invite his friends over more often.

branofthemist · 04/07/2016 10:34

Yabu. He is having a whine.

Having a sibling won't stop that happening.

Sounds like you aren't happy about your partners decision and looking for another way to Convince him.

Or even looking at this as another excuse to fuel your anger about his decision.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/07/2016 10:37

My DC constantly try to kill each other, except when they're at school, where they can apparently meet up at playtime and play happily together.

The grass is always greener.

ParanoidGynodroid · 04/07/2016 10:39

All types and sizes of family can and do work. Having two or more children doesn't guarantee that they'll have anything in common or get on well.
Just keep your son entertained and make sure he gets a chance to mix with friends/ join clubs etc if you really think he's feeling isolated.

I have 5DC and am very jealous of you!

LouBlue1507 · 04/07/2016 10:47

YABU and dramatic! Every child moans and are sometimes 'glyn'... He was probably sulking because his friends had to go home and weren't staying over... You CAN NOT blame your DH in the slightest!

LouBlue1507 · 04/07/2016 10:48

Glum not glyn

Heavens2Betsy · 04/07/2016 10:48

The issue here is that your DP made a decision that you aren't happy with.
Did he always say he only wanted one child or did he change his mind after your DS? Have you told him you are unhappy with this decision? Was there any room to compromise?
I always think it is unfair that one parent gets to dictate to the other how many dc there will be.
Having said that I have 2 dc and they both complain that they hate the other one and wish they were an only dc.
Can't win!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/07/2016 10:55

It's always the I-don't-want-anymore-children parent that gets to decide, Heavens and that's the only way really. Nobody should be made to have more children than they want to have.

incywincybitofa · 04/07/2016 10:55

What do you mean your son struggled at school, socially academically.
It will have been unlikely to have anything to do with his only child status and if you'd had another the guilt about how you split your time with a struggling child would have eaten you up
My seven year old cried a few weeks ago when his friend's left, and he has a sister, who didn't want her he wanted his friends.

You are struggling with your DPs decision which is fine, I think a third child would be a great idea on a good day but my DH thinks two is perfect I am OK with that because I understand his reasons and they make sense, my head and heart aren't in synch but I live with that, it sounds like your head and heart are in synch but your DP isn't.

trafalgargal · 04/07/2016 10:57

Would it be unreasonable to wonder if you felt a sibling was so important why you didn't leave your partner and find someone who wanted children ?

You clearly made a decision not to do this but it'd be as unreasonable to blame you for the lack of sibling as it would be to blame your partner.

YABU

LouBlue1507 · 04/07/2016 10:58

It's always the I-don't-want-anymore-children parent that gets to decide, Heavens and that's the only way really. Nobody should be made to have more children than they want to have

This exactly!

Goingtobeawesome · 04/07/2016 11:03

You can be cross your partner didn't want more children but you chose to have him and no more children..

user789653241 · 04/07/2016 11:15

My ds is only child. We decided not to have anymore.
So, when my ds said he wanted brother or sister, I said if he does, he get half the present and half the attention from me.
He said he didn't want any.

If I wanted to have more kids, I ignored my dh, and get pregnant anyway though.

MollyTwo · 04/07/2016 11:17

If I wanted to have more kids, I ignored my dh, and get pregnant anyway though.

What a vile thing to do!

splendide · 04/07/2016 11:23

I'd be a bit careful about the half the presents argument - what if he decided a sibling was worth losing half his presents for?

WannaBe · 04/07/2016 11:24

You're projecting your desire for another child on to your DS. Reality is that if you had four kids no-one would ever come round because you wouldn't be able to afford it.

There are no guarantees that siblings will get on, TBH I know far more adults who have siblings who just aren't that close than those who are. And all children with siblings fight, bicker, argue. Most parents will tell you that when they get on they're lovely together, but rarely do you read of children who don't fight more than they get along.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread