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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleeping arrangements

69 replies

Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:35

Reposting this after a name change fail...

There is a long waffly story behind this but basically, my husband and I no longer share a bedroom. He sleeps in the living room either on the sofa or on the floor. He has health problems and is going to be having gastric surgery for them later on this year. We have three bedrooms upstairs and my son and daughter each have their own, as do I. My son has a diagnosis of autism and has a special bed in his room for safety reasons which we can't move.

I've asked my husband to leave several times and he refuses to go. My daughter has just told me that her dad has said that he wants to sleep in her room and she thinks he'll sleep on the floor. She is 9 years old. I am not comfortable with this AT ALL. I think she needs her own space and I think he needs to be a grown up and sort out his own living situation or at least pay for a sofa bed downstairs. AIBU to ask him not to move in the

OP posts:
Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:35

Argh. Sorry. Cut off. AIBU asking him not to move into there?

OP posts:
Pearlman · 02/07/2016 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatFuckability · 02/07/2016 20:51

why do mind if he sleeps in with her? its very hard to tell without backstory if its unreasonable or not really.

Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:51

He isn't exactly I'll. He's morbidly obese and is due to have gastric surgery by the end of the year. I think he needs to take some responsibility as an adult and sort himself out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:52

Because she is a 9 year old girl who needs her space. Where is she supposed to change? Or go and hang out? Or read? Or colour? He stays up most of the night talking on his phone too. I don't think she should have to share her room with him. I think he needs to move out already.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2016 20:55

Is he her dad?

nannylife · 02/07/2016 20:56

I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but once you are married does it then become his house too?
if not, then you need to get him out. Make him leave.

Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:57

He is her dad, yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 20:57

He is legally entitled to a share of the house but it's my name on the mortgage.

OP posts:
MollyTwo · 02/07/2016 20:58

Well why can't your DD sleep with you or you with her?

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2016 20:59

Yea that was the reason I asked on your other great you mentioned your house so I wondered if he was a more recent partner

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2016 20:59

Molly how would that helo

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2016 20:59

Help

MollyTwo · 02/07/2016 21:00

Because it would free up a room so her dad could also have a proper bed to sleep on.

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2016 21:03

Hmm I'm not sure he needs a bed more than the op

Purplepicnic · 02/07/2016 21:04

I don't think where he physically sleeps is really the issue. You can't carry on with this state of affairs. Is the marriage salvageable?

Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 21:04

Sorry, just steering this back to my original question. AIBU to insist that he doesn't sleep in her room? That he needs to make his own sleeping arrangements, whether that's a sofa bed downstairs or moving out?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sherlock35 · 02/07/2016 21:06

The marriage is absolutely not salvageable as far as I am concerned. But he says I am the one with a problem so I should be the one to leave. But this is my home and my children's and we have nowhere else to go. But then I guess neither does he.

OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/07/2016 21:11

YANBU. He is a grown man. He can sort himself out. Your DD should not have to share a bedroom with her dad!

Me and DH don't share a bedroom. Our mattress kills his back and he twitches a lot so he just sleeps downstairs. Apparently I snore too. It's his choice. He would never consider asking either DC if he could share their room.

Jessbow · 02/07/2016 21:25

Can your 9 year old not share with you In the short term?
Give him some space of his own, and maybe he'll stay out of your face a bit

attheendoftheday · 02/07/2016 21:28

I agree it isn't on to share with your dd. But it sounds like a house you co-own and you both want the other one to leave. Perhaps you should take turns in the room and sleeping on the sofa?

Gardenbirds123 · 02/07/2016 21:33

YANBU

good luck

HeddaGarbled · 02/07/2016 21:33

Have you started the divorce? Until it's all sorted and a financial arrangement reached, neither of you can insist that the other leaves.

I agree that it is unfair to her that he sleeps in her room but equally, I'm not sure it's fair for him to sleep on the sofa or floor. Have you suggested the sofa bed idea to him?

shazzarooney999 · 02/07/2016 21:35

But if he moves us and wants half the money for the house you will have to move and have you enough money to buy him out? or buy another house?

DeathStare · 02/07/2016 21:36

I think you need to get legal advice about how you both end up in separate houses.

Until then I think it's only reasonable that your DH had a bed to sleep in if he wants one. So if you don't want him sharing with your DD either you share with her, the children share with each other or you sleep on the sofa.

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