I seriously need help

[MagicMonkeys]

My ds is 4 and I have to say this has been the worst year I've ever had with him! He'll be 5 in October

Ok, tantrums are a normal part of his day to day now and I'm sorry to say but they infuriate me because I have sensitive ears, so they literally cause me pain! I've brought ear plugs to remedy it,

If you ask ds to do something he'll say no, you have to ask 10-20 times, then he'll moan and threaten you with how he's going to "break your flute by snapping all the buttons off" or more of the same!

When I take him out, he's climbing over everything, swinging on bars, picking everything on the shelf up, moaning for things no matter how many times is said no to. When I hold his hand and make him walk with me he spends the entire trip screaming at the top of his lungs for me to let him go, pulling out of my hand, pinching me, scratching me!

Then I take him round to friends, who have now stopped seeing us so much, and he hits the children in the face with toys, scratched one by the eye, screams at them in frustration, and I'm trying to curb his behaviour. J make him have a time out, explain the better way to behave and make him apologise! It just isn't working!

I need help! I love my son but I don't like who he is at the moment, I need help in how to stop all of this behaviour!

Bump

If you ask him 10-20 times, he's just learning it's ok to ignore you the first 9-19 times.

Try this

1 2 3 Magic

It's very good.

Thanks Jelly will look at that

Hi, have you spoken with your health visitor? My friend has similar struggles with ber child and she has health visitor involved for support and ideas.

Hows his behaviour at nursery?

How is he with other children?

Does he behave differently in different environments?

Ilovechocolate we don't have a health visitor, haven't seen one since ds was about 18 months or so! So haven't spoken to any one in that area and really wouldn't know where to start

Peppas he doesn't go to nursery, but he used to be just fine with other children, he used to be so caring. But now he's rotten, he thinks only his ideas matter and lashes out a lot!

Every environment is the same with the screaming and being completely out of control

I would talk to your health visitor
Clearly what you are doing is not working.
Challenging behaviour is exhausting
Is there any reason he might be unhappy and playing up? Has he always been like that or is this a new thing?
My sisters boy is autistic and displays all the behaviour you describe only she can ask 100 times and he will still not do it if he doesn't want to do it.
I'm a fan of love bombing, might be worth a try?!
Good luck

Pearlman yes, many many many times, he screams while he's in it, apologises after, explains how it is right to behave, then goes right back to the previous bad behaviour!

Does he do any social stuff, activities, playgroup etc?

Whats love bombing?

Why doesn't he go nursary or seen the HV?

Starfish many moons ago my sister commented that he acts like he had ADHD, though I don't think that's the case, my dear old Nan says he's hyperactive

We recently had a lot of housing worries, but that's all stopped now and he should be feeling more settled, I've even brought him back into our room as he was struggling to sleep, he has his own bed now and sleeps just fine.

I really feel like he's battling me constantly, wanting to do what he wants to do and any battle against him is met with complete defiance

Peppasnanna hes in a playgroup every Friday, there now he prefers to play alone and gets upset with other children "ruining his games"

We do swimming, softplays and cycling while doing crafts and learning phonics and the such at home

op is there a reason he hasn't tried nursary or seen the HV for a such a long time?

It sounds as if things are spiralling out of control. I would say that the climbing everywhere when you are out, swinging on bars, picking everything up etc are perfectly normal behaviours for a boy of this age. However, this may have become an area of conflict between you to add to numerous other areas of conflict.
His behaviour with other children is definitely not normal for his age. Is he at school/nursery? If so, how is his behaviour there?
It's easy to become very stressed and pick up on every little thing that our children do which leads to yet more conflict and an escalation of his mis behaviour.
Without any background to his life etc I can only say, at this stage, to go back to basics. Ignore most of his mis behaviour except the serious stuff. Let him make choices and have a say in decision making where possible. Give lots of praise/ rewards for all positive behaviour. Establish a reward chart. Make sure he has adequate rest and sleep, has a healthy diet and lots of outside activities to help tire him out. Also, try to find ways of coping with your own stress levels as a child with difficult behaviour can be very tiring.
Try to find ways of having some fun together too, such as, playing football, going swimming, cooking together, painting or craft activities. Settle down together to watch a funny movie with a bag of popcorn. Laughing together and enjoying each others company again could re establish a loving bond between you and you may well see that he is a loving, clever little boy who cannot deal with his own extreme anger and frustration and needs some help him to do so.

Chupa he will
Be home schooled, this is why we're so active with getting him to socialise, also hv was stopped when I moved boroughs in London, never was set up again

Is he due to go to school in September?

He in a playgroup every Friday, there now he prefers to play alone and gets upset with other children "ruining his games"

Are you there at the play group with him?

Sorry cross post!

Heyday your comments are helpful, I think you are right with us needing to enjoy each other again. His behaviour had become a serious point of stress at the moment, so thank you

Peppa no, no school in September, he will be home schooled

And yes I am in the play group with him on Fridays

magic I'm a massive fan of HE. Be battled with it since dd was born whether to HE her or send her to school, I did a job swap whilst pregnant with dd as a TA in a primary school and even though the teachers were utterly amazing there were issues that have seriously made me consider HE. Dd is 4 next year so I need to make my mind up!

However! I put dd in to nursary (it's fab) purely for social interaction and learning boundries whilst I wasn't there. She has been going a year now and loves it.

They get assessed consistently and if there was any behavioural issues it could get flagged so you could take the best route for your DC. She goes two afternoons a week. It's done wonders for her confidence and her boundries eg, sharing, realising how her actions can make people feel, if her actions are bad choices or good choices...

Maybe your DS hasn't had chance to develop those social boundries whilst you are there supervising all the time. I'd put him in nursary for a couple of afternoons and see if it helps. You don't want to have 'that kid' that no one wants to play with and if it is anything SN then you can get him the best help.

HE is fab, like I said I'm seriously thinking about it myself but I think they do need a little space to spread their wings

There will be a health visitor team in your borough. I had concerns about my DD and sought the support of the team after not seeing anyone for ages. She wasn't quite four at that point. The other option is to speak to the GP to make the referral. Once your son is five you won't have access to the HV anyway, so the GP will be the best contact as you don't have school either.

My DD wasn't as bad as what you are describing, not violent or purposely defiant, but lots of tantrums, climbing everywhere and didn't do as she was told. HV said she was ok and we carried on. She did get better as she got older and school has helped a lot, although there are still some concerns and school have triggered a referral for suspected ADHD at age six - they won't diagnose ADHD before six here. I tried a referral via the GP and got nowhere, it was only via school we've had anything happen. You can go private but when I google it seems to be filled with people who just want to take your money. If you can afford it of have private healthcare insurance try to get personal recommendations. I wouldn't carry on alone with this behaviour, the sooner the better for both your son and your sanity.