To think it isn't bad form to have a child free wedding?

[WanderingNotLost]

DP and I have started tentatively making wedding plans- we're paying for the whole thing ourselves and so will be on a pretty tight budget, and at present the guest list runs to 127 people (the biggest chunk of that being my massive Irish family). Believe it or not that is the essentials.

As a way of saving some money I suggested we make it a child-free wedding. DP thus far is not a fan of this idea, as a) he thinks it's bad form to say 'you can't bring your kids to our wedding' and b) if the people with kids can't bring their kids they just won't come.
I've pointed out that plenty of people have child-free weddings, quite often it's nice for the grown-ups to have a night off and let their hair down and get nicely sloshed and if we do have kids there, we run the risk of everyone who is there with kids leaving early to put said offspring to bed.

Looking for a consensus here- who is being U??

It's not bad form to have a child-free wedding at all and I love adult parties! However, I also know that absolute headache of finding babysitters for them (my parents are both dead). Have you thought about hiring a cheap nanny for the evening? My cousin did that - all the kids got to watch movies/crash out on beanbags/eat sandwiches, crisps and treat and play games. They found it more fun to be together than to be cramping their parents' style. Most of the kids lasted til midnight that way

Ps there was a kid's room
Obviously!

The vast majority of Irish weddings are child free - usually nephews and nieces of the couple are the only children invited.

I really dislike weddings with loads of children. It totally changes the dynamic and I find absolutely nothing 'cute' about small children cluttering up the dance floor.

But then most Irish weddings aren't child friendly anyway - generally a long ceremony followed by a four course meal and copious amounts of alcohol and party til the early hours (5am in our case!)

Not bad form at all.
Completely personal choice.
When mine were little, most weddings were childfree, and all the better for in, IMVHO. It was the one thing that people would ever have our dc overnight for

I've not RTFT but I don't think it's bad form. It's your wedding, nobody else's. I would have had a child-free wedding but my husband has five nieces and nephews. And my cousin was only 5. And they had to come, or their parents would not have come.

You can have a child-free wedding but have to accept people who are dear to you may not come if they cannot bring their kids.

purplevase well actually it's her H2B's wedding too, and he does want kids there...

It's not bad form to have a child free wedding. It is bad form to have a child-free wedding and expect as many guests as you would have if children were welcome, or to expect particular people to attend.

currant it's not so much that he wants them there, as he thinks it would be rude to not have them there, if you know what I mean.

Personal opinion ...... Don't send the email.

Draw up your guest list of PEOPLE of any and all ages you both want to attend your wedding.
Compare it with venue sizes and budget.
Adjust one or other accordingly.

I've never understood the fascination with declaring it a child-free wedding or not ...... You invite PEOPLE you are close to / enjoy company of / want to see at your wedding. Whether they are 8 days, weeks, months, years or decades old should be irrelevant. Invite the people you want, some will be able to attend, some won't. Some will chose to attend with invited children, some won't. You will organise some food / drink / entertainment which will be to some folks' preference, not so much for others.

It doesn't have to be wholesale one or other.

Not rude in the slightest. I could understand if they were nieces and nephews but I've never been to a wedding where cousins and friends kids were invited. Only siblings kids.

Fwiw we had kids at ours and it was a nightmare. They were noisy at special moments like speeches and first dance etc. I'd do kid free in hindsight.

I'd strongly advise against the 'we are funding this ourselves' card. While it may be true, if I was told that my first thought would probably be to secretly judge you for not planning something that is within your means.

Not saying that's right, but it would be my first thought. But then, I had to pay for my own wedding myself as well which is why our reception was pizza in a hall!

We did child free in a London pub. Church wedding at 4:30 to minimise time parents had away from kids. Worked well. Have seen too many special moments at weddings ruined by kids...

Its your wedding and your day but weddings are about family and the future - it will be a pain for people with young children and perhaps it would be less offensive to say 'we're cutting costs so buy your own booze'? I speak as someone who went to a quiet corner of Scotland with DH and our dog - nobody else was invited. It is the most special day of your life so just do it your way and good luck!

getting married in 2 weeks and mine is child free. the last thing i want is a crying baby or an unruly toddler spoiling the ceremony. we gave people plenty of time to get babysitters and said we wanted them to come and have a relaxing day without having to worry about their children. i have 2 children myself who are coming to the ceremony but are being taken home about 8pm so we can enjoy ourselves. it's your day, it's about what you want - tough tits if people don't like it x

Bar our own and a niece, we're having a child free wedding. People have been fine with this and are looking forward to a day / night on their own.
We've had to turn down weddig invited because of kids not being invited but was fine with this.
It's your day :-)

It's your wedding, you can do what you like, child free, dog free, silly hat free. I have no problem with child free, if anything it's a relief not having to bring them!

Child free weddings do my head in. Weddings are about the coming together of two families, and excluding children is ludicrous. If I was invited to a family wedding without my kids, I just wouldn't go. Save up more.

Blimey, if you can't sort out the guest list together, are you sure you should be getting married?

My DCs guardian and CM didn't have my children at her wedding, was childfree apart from direct family (nieces/nephews) simply to cut down numbers/budget.

They did have alternative party for the 60+ children on another weekend which was fab. I was certainly not offended or hurt not everyone can afford to host the numbers they want to especially when living and marrying in the south east the prices are just extortionate even for a basic do.

Personally i think it's fun to have kids at a wedding, but it is your wedding and if you don't want kids there - especially if it's going to be going on in the evening when kids are tired and cranky - then you are well within your rights. Alternative could be to organise a babysitting room where the parents could drop the kids and they could fall asleep, but might be tough to find in a pub.

Totally up to the both of you to compromise. I don't think it's unreasonable in theory. We had my nephews and 2 child cousins there and didn't invite other children. The other children in our situation were just friends children though, not family. Are you close to your cousins and their children? If you're not even close I don't see the issue at all.
I know it can be difficult in getting babysitters and so on, but this is yours and your fiancées day. When we have been invited to adult only weddings, the one of us that is actually friends with the guest went and the other stayed at home with our children.

You are not at all, it's your day! Sometimes people don't realise it's not necessarily about kids, but about numbers and cost. We are in a similar situation, currently at 140 guests when we need to be at 120, am that's excluding people I want to be there. If we were to invite children it would almost double our numbers. If people can't come because they can't get a babysitter then that's a shame, but your wedding is about you, not them! We are putting a note in with our saves the dates to give more info and are explaining about no kids, this gives people 8 months notice for a sitter.

That email will cause a bun fight. You'll get a range of replies, and many people won't say what they think, which is that it's a complete bloody ballache to get day and night babysitters of you have very young children or multiple children. I'd rep,y to that email saying of course you should do whatever you want to, it's your wedding. What I'd mean is that I wouldn't be coming to the wedding because I couldn't leave my 3 children with anyone as one of breastfed and co-sleeps and the other two are iffy with bedtimes.

Then people will be offended whatever you decide.

Have the wedding you want, but be prepared for people to say they can't go and please don't be offended or think people don't actually want to be there. People are often surprised when I say I've never left my breastfed 16 month old with anyone in an evening. But he's just not ready and neither am I. He's not a PFB. He's child number 3. But he still feeds a lot. People often think as soon as a baby is 6 months you can just leave them with whoever, whenever. It's often not true.

i reckon they would be relieved if you didnt turn up..... proper little ray of sunshine aren't you!