To think it isn't bad form to have a child free wedding?

[WanderingNotLost]

DP and I have started tentatively making wedding plans- we're paying for the whole thing ourselves and so will be on a pretty tight budget, and at present the guest list runs to 127 people (the biggest chunk of that being my massive Irish family). Believe it or not that is the essentials.

As a way of saving some money I suggested we make it a child-free wedding. DP thus far is not a fan of this idea, as a) he thinks it's bad form to say 'you can't bring your kids to our wedding' and b) if the people with kids can't bring their kids they just won't come.
I've pointed out that plenty of people have child-free weddings, quite often it's nice for the grown-ups to have a night off and let their hair down and get nicely sloshed and if we do have kids there, we run the risk of everyone who is there with kids leaving early to put said offspring to bed.

Looking for a consensus here- who is being U??

No, it was just family who were invited with children, over 12.

Sorry sorry sorry! Not Not choc friendly! We are not monsters over here! Meant *child free.

God I must be drunk.

Basically - weddings in Ireland - only nieces and nephews are at weddings. That's it.

I'm Irish and have never been to a wedding where there were any children other than the children of the bride and groom or their siblings present.

I think it's perfectly fine to have a child free wedding (I would, as I did, except for the caveat above) but I wouldn't sell it as a night off for the parents any more than I would sell a destination wedding as an opportunity for a mini-break/holiday. People hosting weddings shouldn't presume that anyone wants to be without their children or go on holiday to a destination not of their choosing.

All that said, I have been to weddings without my children (to which they were invited BTW, but I have no clue as to why anyone would bring them) and I have been to weddings in far flung places of people I loved and enjoyed both very much!

If either of my siblings get married in the next few years, my children will be at the ceremony if they're invited and will then be packed off with a babysitter - just as I was at my uncles' weddings.

I haven't read all the posts so sorry if I am repeating something

I hate it when people say no kids personally. I think weddings are about the coming together of two families and children are part of that. I always think the people who say no kids are a bit miserable myself but appreciate this is probably me being unreasonable!

Having said that, I have been invited to 4 no kids weddings in the past ( all from people who don't have them) and I have only turned down one which was when my daughter was still very small and I was bf so it was impossible for me to leave her all day and most night. I did however leave early to get home for them whereas when they were invited I stayed till probably 10 ish as they are fine with the occasional very late night

I don't think it is unreasonable to not invite kids, just a shame but if you do go down this route please don't use the 'we are doing you a favour' line as it is quite patronising- we are quite capable of deciding not to bring them if that's our wish!!

Same here middlings, Irish also, and the children invited to any weddings I have been to, were nieces and nephews of the bride and groom.

Have not read the entire thread. Think you are entirely reasonable. I hate taking my children to weddings, also hate other people's children chatting through the service, running around at meal/speeches. Was recently a bridesmaid at a wedding, think the bride was nervous about telling me about the child-free aspect. Couldn't be more delighted. A lovely day off for my husband and I.

Weddings are fun with children! It seems a shame to exclude children, they enjoy these occasions so much and it makes it a proper family event. I would not go to a wedding to which my children were excluded.

I adored seeing children at my wedding. It was lovely seeing families all together having fun.

I wouldn't go to a child free wedding. I see them as a family event, if they can't go I don't want to go. I do plenty without my children and have no problems leaving them with others but no, wedding are family events to me, the whole family and friends coming together, not excluding people because they are children.

We usually turn them down or one us go. They aren't my cup of tea but each to their own. I have been to evening only local ones as can get childcare quote easily. But any that involve travel would not be worth the hassle and be impossible to arrange.

Firstly, if the reception is in a pub, I really don't think people would be st all keen to bring their children tbh.

Secondly, friends don't expect at all that their kids would be invited. It's a bit of a long boring day for them really and if you're not st a hotel with some childcare is possible then really really don't invite the kids. Here in ireland(as you probably know) it's generally only siblings kids st most that go.

Your partner just hasn't thought it through. Can you imagine minding kids all afternoon in a pub? And NO outside space? Nightmare. I'm faint with anxiety at the thought

Ps hope you did not send that text cause you will never please everyone but if you start including them in the decision, well!!!! They start thinking it's their decision!

I think obviously it's a decision you and your husband to be need to agree on but me and my husband didn't have children at our wedding last year. Most people were fine with it and the ones that weren't threw such paddies that we decided we didn't want them there at all!

We got married in a hotel and it just wouldn't have been feasible to have children running around. If we were paying £7000 for it, I feel like we have every right to have it as an adult event.

I went to a family wedding with my then 2YO and it was awful. She kept climbing on the stage, going for the cake and falling over. I spent the entire reception running after her and did not enjoy myself at all.

To those who have children but got babysitters and came said how lovely it was to have a night off, a well-deserved drink and a dance with their other halfs.

You are not being unreasonable at all OP.

I loved my child free wedding. Best party ever. A few didn't come, but they might not have anyway

Can i just say it is completely personal preference, however i have recently sadly lost a very close friend of 14 years for this reason.
I have a 15 month old, her wedding day was child free but children were welcome to the evening reception.
Sadly we could not source childcare and so i informed my friend that due to childcare issues we were sadly unable to attend the ceremony but would live to share the evening with the happy couple. Thus was promptly responded to by telling me i was selfish and trying to make her day about me and my problems and she wouldnt let me overrun her special day etc i tried to explain we had no issue we were happy to see her at reception but she said she thought i could make the effort to be there just for 1 day. I literally had no childcare and with this rift did not attend the wedding at all, weve sadly not spoken since and i think its a terrible shame. Just my personal experience x