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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member out of touch with reality

65 replies

Ohsillydillybee · 30/06/2016 01:29

Or am I jealous?

They are looking to move to a different job and want a 15k salary rise, to take them from fairly well-paid to v well-paid by london standards. They are doing well and am happy for them but not in that league myself so it is difficult at times to properly empathise; they have a mortgage while still in mid 20s, planning a (luxury) wedding and enjoy a good lifestyle yet not satisfied. I get it, who is, but find it hard to put self in their position sometimes when I'm not there at all. Feel like I have to grit my teeth sometimes when I hear about paltry 1500k bonus which will dwindle into nothing because it's taxed! HmmShock

I feel like they are lucky by many standards and should appreciate this rather than complain about lifestyle... But happy to hear the opposing side.

I don't think I'm jealous per se. They are a little older and we are in very different life stages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsillydillybee · 30/06/2016 01:31

That should of course read 1.5k bonus! Not 1,500,000Blush

OP posts:
mimishimmi · 30/06/2016 01:36

1500k bonus is not a lot in some fields. It is paltry^^ especially if they have earned the business a lot more. I can see why they would be pissed off.

WTAFisgoingon · 30/06/2016 01:37

Yeah, you might be a bit jealous, but that's normal. I know some people who earn more in half a day than I do in a month. That doesn't feel great when I think about it...... But I think you should get over it too. Yes, they're fortunate, yes they don't appreciate it, but that's life.

Also, are you sure a 15K pay rise puts them from quite well paid to v well paid by London standards? That's a fairly small increase to do that, so I'm guessing they can't be earning a fortune?

fastdaytears · 30/06/2016 01:39

£15k payrise can't take you from quite well paid to very well paid especially in London. Is that the amount you mean or a typo?

And in some industries a £1,500 bonus is a bit insulting.

Original poster
Ohsillydillybee · 30/06/2016 01:40

Good points, thanks.

Ok, well just to give an overview they would be moving from 40ishk to 60ishk. But this is a field in which they can work 9-5 or 9-6 and they are still fairly young (mid 20s). So it is not crazy hours as would be expected from banking or corporate law etc (and I imagine the bonuses would match). Impression I get is that this is pretty decent?

I just feel a bit like they don't appreciate what they have...

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 30/06/2016 01:41

The important thing is to look at what you have now and find happiness there.

In my previous job I earned more than £5k 'bonus' on top of my wages pcm. A yearly bonus of 1.5k would have been laughable

Original poster
Ohsillydillybee · 30/06/2016 01:42

I know that in banking for example that would be a ridiculous bonus. But in this person's industry I think it's good: not many late nights at all (from what I understand) plus not huge bonus culture...

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 30/06/2016 01:45

£60k is not a large amount in London. I'm not sure it would qualify as very well paid where I am (south east) but your relative is fairly young I suppose.

I've forgotten the question! Are they out of touch with reality? Was that it? Well they definitely should recognise that £60k isn't a bad wage. It's just not a life of luxury one either.

WTAFisgoingon · 30/06/2016 01:53

I think £60k and on the property ladder in your mid 20's is a good achievement.... In your 40's, probably the norm for an awful lot of jobs in London.

Worth remembering though that in many parts of the country £60k jobs probably don't exist.

kiwimumof2boys · 30/06/2016 02:34

'. . .yet not satisfied.'
That's what stood out in your post to me. Despite having a lot (by a lot of people's standards) they think more money will make them happier.
It won't. The more you have the more you want. People like that, even if they have a yacht or mansion will always want a bigger one.
Don't get me wrong, if I won the lottery I'd be pretty happy! I'd love to have more money (don't we all!?) and have bigger house, more holidays etc . ..
Do you think they're happy? doesn't sound like it to be honest.

fastdaytears · 30/06/2016 02:39

Worth remembering though that in many parts of the country £60k jobs probably don't exist

Well I'm not sure that's true as there's nowhere in the country with no doctors, lawyers, etc.

This person has done well certainly just not outside of normal for London, and I guess the problem is that £3,500 a month net, less mortgage, travel card, student loan, wedding costs etc doesn't mean that you're living the high life.

WTAFisgoingon · 30/06/2016 02:58

fastdaytears a lot of lawyers don't earn £60k! Certainly not in poor bits of the country in an ordinary high street practice. And the doctor I know who works in the rich bit of Sheffield only earnt £60k+ after becoming a consultant (10 years after qualifying?).

Bluebolt · 30/06/2016 02:59

A bonus in my previous job was in reality just my overtime that my company expected staff to work so I would of been gutted at that.

fastdaytears · 30/06/2016 03:08

I don't know any GPs who work anywhere in the country (full time) for less. I know some junior hospital doctors do initially.

I also don't know anywhere that doesn't have reasonable law firms where you could earn £60k without being amazing. High street lawyers are underpaid, certainly, but I guess there's something to make people want to work there. Not immediately obvious to me what.

I think to say there is somewhere in the country where no one earns £60k or more is a bit Hmm. This person is in London and earning a normal wage, just not excited enough about it to please the OP.

I think I've missed the problem.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 03:21

£1.5 bonus actually sounds like a kick in the teeth
Because in order to qualify for a bonus at all most people will be taking on some extra responsibilites, or working extra from home or over lunch breaks etc.. so for a whole year, no significant amount of extra work or responsibility on top of usual duties will likely work out even close to min wage if all of that extra effort is only rewarded with 1.5K!

I think it's you that's out of touch.

I don't earn near what they earn, my job doesn't "do" bonuses, and I get tha 1.5 is a SHIT bonus!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 03:26

". . .yet not satisfied.'
That's what stood out in your post to me. Despite having a lot (by a lot of people's standards) they think more money will make them happier.
It won't. "

That's not a bad thing, lots of people like to always have a goal (then next goal) to work towards, doesn't mean they're "never happy", quite the opposite in fact. All of the people who I know who I'ld consider happy with their life are always working towards something (and as a result a few of them are quite rich, but it's not about that, it's about being the kind of person who enjoys having goals and achieving them).

Doesn't mean they don't appreciate what they have, and doesn't mean they should suck up kick-in-the-teeth bonuses when they may have worked hard expecting more

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2016 03:58

I work in the NHS in a different part of the country and there are two nurse managers in my office who earn over £60k (they are band 8c). There are numerous other people in the office on the floor above who earn similar. My husband works in research and his overall manager is on around £60k we think.

There are well paid jobs everywhere.

GreatFuckability · 30/06/2016 04:50

YANBU. People need to gain some perspective and the need to always have more is unhealthy and ultimately makes for very unhappy people. Whilst there is nothing wrong with striving to achieve, there is also much to be said for appreciating what you have.

in comparison to the rest of the world, that kind of salary makes you very very well off and fortunate.

myownprivateidaho · 30/06/2016 04:57

Well, they are in a good professional role in London, and it's not out of touch to be thinking about career progression. However of course it's crass for them to complain about their salary and bonus and give details of these, particularly to someone who earns less (do they know this?).

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/06/2016 05:06

Off point..

It works quite well if you're on a national salary.. Eg NHS, teaching etc if you live in more modest areas of the uk

SeasonalVag · 30/06/2016 05:37

why do you care so much?
this is the sort of shit i used to get from my sister when I was living in London and my salary was moving up constantly....like i had tickets on myself for going for better jobs.
you come across as young and jealous.

user1465823522 · 30/06/2016 05:44

Honestly I think you need to stay out of it - it' none of your business. If they are that well paid then they clearly have the talent/experience/qualifications to be so. Leave them be and focus on your own life.

Original poster
Ohsillydillybee · 30/06/2016 05:47

I'm actually going into a well-paid job myself which has similar prospects! I just hope I don't ram it down others' throats/complain when really it could be a lot worse Confused

OP posts:
ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 30/06/2016 05:59

My employee gives out a yearly bonus based on company performance.

It is also slightly weighted by pay grade and personal performance but everybody gets something.

Last year, the average bonus was £500 and people were fuming because they were used to more. I was new to the company and was completely baffled as to how anyone could be annoyed at getting £500 free money, not requiring any extra work or responsibilities.

Some people do feel very entitled, and just like the OP I find it hard to sympathise sometimes!

user1465823522 · 30/06/2016 06:12

I'm actually going into a well-paid job myself which has similar prospects! I just hope I don't ram it down others' throats/complain when really it could be a lot worse confused

Exactly. Be a better person.