Family member out of touch with reality

[Ohsillydillybee]

Or am I jealous?

They are looking to move to a different job and want a 15k salary rise, to take them from fairly well-paid to v well-paid by london standards. They are doing well and am happy for them but not in that league myself so it is difficult at times to properly empathise; they have a mortgage while still in mid 20s, planning a (luxury) wedding and enjoy a good lifestyle yet not satisfied. I get it, who is, but find it hard to put self in their position sometimes when I'm not there at all. Feel like I have to grit my teeth sometimes when I hear about paltry 1500k bonus which will dwindle into nothing because it's taxed!

I feel like they are lucky by many standards and should appreciate this rather than complain about lifestyle... But happy to hear the opposing side.

I don't think I'm jealous per se. They are a little older and we are in very different life stages.

Out of touch with whose reality?
Just because a lifestyle isn't one you have doesn't make it 'not reality'.
YABU and bitter and unpleasant

bonus is an extra, a treat

No. That's the definition of a perk.
Most bonuses are carefully calculated according to performance. The extra work to hit the bonus target is what achieves the bonus.

So they're mid 20s and earning 40k and want to earn 60k?
Well, they're doing pretty well, especially if they work normal hours, not unsocial hours. They probably are being U and ungrateful.

But remember, you can't change anyone else - all you can change is your reaction to someone/an event. So forget about them and concentrate on yourself!

if you're with them/on the phone to them and they''re moaning, just change the subject.

I think it is bad form to moan about money to someone who may be earning less than you.

But agree that they may not have much by way of disposable income if they earn that and have a london mortgage etc.

I've seen very different attitudes to money on other threads so this one seems a bit weird in comparison.

I'm a middle manager in the public sector, late 30s. I earn less that 40k and live close to but not in London. We don't get bonuses in our industry although once as a very special one off we got £150 (that's not missing a k) and I was quite pleased although obv it was taxed.

Overall I think I have a jolly nice lie especially compared to others less fortunate. So I think if I was friends with these people I might think their comments about money a bit crass and maybe entitled. I wouldn't begrudge them their nice things but as professionals in their twenties I'd be perhaps a bit surprised that they expected such high earnings or were splurging so much. If they said as someone did upthread that "a 150k bonus is a kick in the teeth" I'd certainly be rather about it.

So I think OP's friends could rein it in a bit and recognise that not everyone is or can hope to be as fortunate as them - and that although I'm sure they work hard it's not just hard work that leads to success.

Hi Ohsillydillybee
Some people are like that. One side of my family are absolutely money obsessed. Always got to have one better than the other / one upmanship and bragging about this and that - my cousin's wife acts like a Wag as he has is own company (despite his old business going bankrupt). Personally, I've never been in a job that hands out a lot of bonuses apart from once at my old job many years ago I received a very good annual bonus (about 15 percent I think) - I wasn't on great money but it was still about £1800 before tax. I paid off my overdraft and gave my Mum double rent for that month and that was it. Luckily the other side of my family are nothing like it. I think most people like this have a lot of hot air and no offense but a lot of it must be utter b-ll-cks.

I think you're being jealous but that's normal.

It is exceptionally boring having to listen to someone whining about their salary and bonus. The only positive is that they are looking for another position, as whining without doing anything about it is even more tiresome to listen to. It is possible the real reason for the whining is that they just don't like the career they have chosen, but are too scared to try something different, so are going for maximum pay to make up for the tiresomeness of their day to day life. One thing is certain: if they are unhappy with their lot, you should be pleased you aren't them!

It's all relative, when you get a pay increase you quickly find ways to spend it/commit to bigger bills for my luxurious things like phones, cars etc. and you wonder how you ever coped on the wages you had before. It's easy to want more and then more and more. I have friends with seemingly everything and they're still striving for the next level.

It's a bit ugly that they're complaining, I think it's best to be humble with those kinds of things.

I have a friend (I met through baby massage so we have no friends in common) who has a lot, beautiful house, cars, kids, holidays, she has taken time off from her career to raise their young family, they're so lovely and never talk about what they've got, I like her and her husband a lot, however they move in circles of quite pretentious people and recognise that, they're so sick of the materialistic nature of close family and friends (i.e. Texts/convos only to dig for info on what they've got and or getting etc) she says they're so close to renting out their house, traveling the world whilst home schooling their kids!

Look I don't think they are out of touch th reality - because clearly this is their reality

I wouldn't worry too much about it - in time you may earn more - there is more to life than money - and after having looked at moving to London I actually think this is quite a smallish salary for a London lifestyle - we looked at moving to London and have double that income and decided against it

I do however think it's a different matter to brag or boast about it in front of others in a less fortunate position. I used to have a right dick of a boss couldn't help dropping in nearly every conversation that his wife was a gp "and earned a £100k" - this was at the time a big deal was being made of fact some GPs were earning £100k - he did this as if we were all meant to be enormously impressed - firstly not sure if this was a direct wage or was subject to various deductions - so not sure how accurate the £100k as income was - but actually my husband earns roughly similar- just never felt the need to tell everyone - don't think my partners wage is of any relevance to my work colleagues.

I think bragging is just crass as others have said.

Lymm I used to work with a dick who earned a fortune. He also relied heavily on using unpaid interns to work for him . I will never forget he once came into the office and showed his fucking payslip to his PA (who was an intern) saying; 'Look how much I pay in tax!!'.

Some people are total arses.Not saying the OP's family are, just the convo has made me think of my former boss.

Many 20 somethings think the world owes them a living and talk obsessively about money.
YANBU to think they are crass.

HArd to believe but a 60K salary in London is just OK you can be comfortable but life won't be luxurious, especially if you have a decent sized mortgage (which is likely given the housing market). I work in London and earn way less than that - we have to budget very carefully. I got a 2K bonus this year but after tax it was about half, and it hacked me off as my department were very successful this year despite it being tough- many departments were not and they still got bonuses of a higher % than me! That's a whole other issue tho...!!!! So I had a bit of a moan but at the end of the day extra cash was gratefully received. But when my friend who earns 6 figures and works in finance complained about her 17% bonus I found it hard to sympathise, so I know where you're coming from. The best solution is to stop focusing on what other people have and take care of what you have. It's natural for many people to strive and think the grass is greener, even if expressing that makes them sound a bit ungrateful or sensitive.

SlimCheesy

Yes you do get them don't you - I had a different boss who treated his PA like sh*t - she would have been early low in the 20ks - he was earning £80k plus endless out of hours extra jobs - his wife also earnt a decent whack - god he never stopped moaning about "how hard" it was for him in front of his PA who was single in her 40's and really struggling as she had been left by her husband with a mortgage to pay . Obviously being his PA and general dogsbody she knew his salary because she often had to do project costings or finance type stuff - obviously she hated him - lol -

Op - in many companies (and it can massively vary within the same industry), the only way they reward people is financially. The only way you'll know you are doing well and are rated by your employer is the size of your bonus/wage level . This is especially true in companies that claim a flat structure ( so no hierarchy of job titles) but then massively vary wage and bonus. In such structures, a bonus that's less than a months wage is insulting.

It could well be that they aren't satisfied with the money because while you are thinking about the money in terms of what it could buy in terms of lifestyle, they are thinking about it in terms of a measure of how well they are doing and status.

If they have a point they want to reach by say, 30, they need to be hitting certain milestones in their career by now, and wage (in the absence of job titles or clear "band" structures) is probably the best way to judge if you are on track to reach that.