Is this casual racism on my mums part? Aibu in thinking so?

[Dinosaur1991]

My mum works in a big supermarket so obviously serves many customers a day. Yesterday she said that 99% of polish people she serves are rude and ignorant, very much implying that this is how she feels about Polish people in general. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with this as it's just her opinion and got huffy with me when I said I don't want it said around my son. Is she being slightly racist or am I massively overreacting?

I wouldn't say your Mum is racist just limited in life experience though.

"
I think many people who haven't experienced this may grasp that speaking a foreign language is not simply literal translation, but may not grasp the extent to which that is true. The things you might want to say/convey might be expressed in a way far different in another language - but more than that, it the very things you want to say may not be things any local would ever think to say in conversation, and will get a confused/shocked response. It can take a long time to dare to say or do anything in a foreign country once you realise this, and any time you do try to be friendly or polite you can end up analysing the response you got over and over, trying to work out whether it was received well or not."

Thank you Smilla that is so, so true. It's how my friends and students feel here, how I felt living abroad. Brilliantly put

I think it's casual racism, but it's also just plain rude.

Did she never learn not to make personal comments? Surely this is something you learn quite early, so I would be inclined to explain to her that you don't want your children to grow up thinking it's ok to make personal comments about people.

However, I do think this sort of thing is a form of casual racism, because otherwise how would she even notice all these people were Polish?

Brits say:
Oh come over anytime.

They mean:
We are just politely saying we are your friend. We do not expect you to turn up on our doorstep without an explicit prior invitation.

Other cultures are much more literal than we are.

Btw, I also think translation is an issue here - and it goes deeper than just spoken language.

My ex is Russian - for many Russians, smiling is seen as intimate and silly, the sort of thing you do to a baby or a family member. I can understand this as my mum (who is British) is the same about hugs: she loves them from family, but she'd be rather shocked if a stranger hugged her in the street! So, for my ex's family, you don't smile much at people in shops, even if you feel friendly.

It took me ages to realise that they weren't being cold - they were just trying not to be rudely over-familiar.

Of course it's racist.
I'd also love to know how a checkout operator can determine a customer's level of 'ignorance' in their brief and formulaic interaction.
Does she make a clever remark that goes over their head? Adminster a general knowledge quiz before she scans their shopping? Hum a snatch of music and see if they can do the next line?

A Polish colleague complained to me about the "fakeness" of UK / Scottish manners.interested in this cultural differnce I asked for an example and he said "well like you."

Well I wasn't much further forward. I did cut out the " fake" smiles though!

I had known quite a few 2 nd generation Polish/ British before and they were very pleasant and smiley!

Thank you to everyone who responded, there's some really good insight here! My mum hasn't traveled around very much and I do live in the backend of nowhere so unfortunately there is a lot of casual racism around. She also doesn't really get cultural differences, well she seems to believe that you adopt the culture of where your living. (I disagree with her but again she states it's her opinion and she's entitled to think what she likes)
Also she is 49 for the poster who asked.
She's basically decided to agree to disagree on this. I know no amount of arguing will ever change her mind, however I think she's got the message to not say any of her opinions in front of my son.

In Russia only a fool smiles for no reason.
When I visited I thought I must have offended every shopkeeper I met they seemed so cold. Turn's out they all probably thought I was bonkers coming in smiling and saying please and thank you all over the place.

Given that Britian has just told our European cousins to fuck off, I'm not surprised if Polish people aren't feeling too friendly right now.

And it's xenophobic, not racist, I'm pretty sure Poles are Caucasian.

RiverTam thank you for correcting me, xenophobic is probably a better word to use.

Stick your Mum in a retail shop in let's say a small town in Ireland and her British minimal level of checkout interaction and insincere please and thank you would have customers complaining about how rude she is (using Ireland as I'm half Irish and there's no language issue plenty of other comparisons are available)

It's not just you, OP, everyone is doing it!

by "huffy" do you mean your Mum was rude and a bit ignorant?

No it's not racism, it's xenophobia. How does she know someone is Polish? It is very difficult to know what country some one comes from unless you know a lot about that country/language. Even if you do, sometimes you can get it very wrong. I get the impression your mum isn't exactly an expert on the language and culture of others.

How old is she? I don't even bother correcting my MIL on her comments any more as the racism is very well ingrained in the 60+ age group sadly.

What the actual fuck? Racism or xenophobia has nothing to do with age.

What an ignorant comment.

It could be xenophobia or racism. We don't have enough information to know.

(OTOH, to assume everyone British is Caucasian, is racist.)

How old is she? I don't even bother correcting my MIL on her comments any more as the racism is very well ingrained in the 60+ age group sadly.

Really? My parents are 75 and 80 and neither of them are racist or xenophobic and nor are any of their friends. If they were I would be educating them rapidly. Racism is not something I would want my children hearing or growing up to think is OK and just something that old people do.

my Mum is 70 and I challenge her causal racist and sexist views all the time.

She really has taken lots on board and changed a lot of her thinking due to conversations we have had over the years.

Sure sometimes the kind of tuts and goes "right " and I know things have gone a bit too far for her to get her head around, but still on the whole a change in her ingrained racist/sexist attitudes has been made.

Your mum is 4 years older than i am that really suprised me i thought our generation was a bit more enlightened and i live at the back end of nowhere too

I challange my mum too she says stupid stuff like why does the man in the shop speak in his own language to the other man in the shop she thinks thats rude

The term here is xenophobia, and she sounds ignorant too

Redtooth, that made me laugh, that is so me! I am Swedish so when I first arrived I was really confused as I thought Id made close friends really quickly ie i took all casual comments literally. Ie "i'll see you later" promted me to say "great, what time?" And the poor english person to quickly run off. Likewise a "pop around anytime" had me around that evening with freshly baked cinnamon buns, thinking id been invited to their home .