To want to ban primary school sports day?

[namechangingagainagain]

I HATE sports day. I REALLY REALLY hate it!
Don't get me wrong as a child I was sporty. I did well at sports day and loved it.

However now I'm a parent Ive had to drag DS6 to school this morning. I have 3 school age children. They are all competitive but only the eldest is good at sport. He liked sports day. The other 2 found it the most painful day of the year.

Don't get me wrong they can all play a board game and lose without too much bother. They are all active and fit. They just hate sports day..... the sitting around...... the cheering parents...... DS aged 9 said " I hate it when they clap you and you're last.... it's really humiliating....."

It seems once you get to high school it's more opt in... which is fine.
FWIW I'm not anti-competitive at all but it just seems to me when they are little they don't have the emotional intelligence to cope with it ( or maybe it's just my children...)

( and yes I probably just should have let him have the day off in hindsight )

I can still remember the dread of sports day. It started at least a month before, and I recall thinking thank god I won't have to take part when I broke my leg a few months before the event one year. Unless you are that child, you won't understand the humiliation of being laughed at by hundreds of people because your feet just can't step fast enough in and out of the hoops on the ground during the obstacle race, and you get all tangled up in them. Or the shame of coming last in every event.

Dds school had lots of team events which weren't just about speed and agility, and then some individual races which weren't compulsory. The whole atmosphere was inclusive and great fun, and so very different from my childhood. Thanks to this, many of the less sporty children took part in the non compulsory events and enjoyed them. If only that ethos could be replicated across other schools. . . .

I have 1 DS who is good at sport. He liked sports day but prefers football tournaments and concerts for the instrument he plays . Although he enjoyed sports day I wouldn't feel bad "taking it away from him". He gets loads of recognition for being sporty/talented in lots of other ways.

My other 2 DS's are just not good at sport. They have poor co-ordination and are not quick when running and are small ( height and weight) for their age. They are also shy and whilst they are ok standing up in front of others and reciting a poem or doing music they find it upsetting having to expose the fact they are not sporty in front of others. This is probably compounded because, unfortunately, amongst the boys in their class there is lots of bullying around being "weak" and coming last on sports day compounds this. It being a public event makes this worse.

So yes they hate sports day, and I wish there was a better way of doing it.

I wish my children didn't think it was cool to have parents there

hmm it does seem a bit odd to get the parents in to observe who is good at sports....but not who is good at languages, or maths, or science etc.

The problem with the house or team or class having points added up is that after the sweet reception year 1 phase the competitive ones get annoyed with the ones who aren't sporty. My kids went to schools with this sort of sports day and the two who weren't sporty got abuse from the sporty/competitive kids who didn't want them in their team.

Ghost has it right. Kids should have a choice in participation. Then it would be fair.

Funny. Just had sports day at DS1's primary school today. Everyone is expected to take part in everything they can; but if they can't/don't want to, that's fine.
DS1 came last by a long way in his 100m race, but he didn't care, nor did I. I did ask him if he really wanted to do the 200m race, because he might care more about being really a long way behind the rest - but he said he was fine to do it, and ended up coming 4th out of 7 in his heat, so he was very happy. He knows he's not fast!
He didn't do the long jump though, because he didn't want to.

The only thing I objected to about it was that they do shot put at primary age here - stupid, IMO. Should do throwing a lighter ball, so they don't risk upper arm damage when they don't listen and attempt to throw the shot instead of pushing it away (about 1/4 of children today). But that's a cultural thing so I doubt I'd get much say in that!

And it IS competitive because the winners of the races go on to Zone (similar to County, I think - not sure of relative sizes) - so the races are timed to see who is fast enough to go through. I have no issue with that.

Didn't see any sad faces BECAUSE no one is forced to do anything they really don't want to. And we have a canteen, children sit in their houses rather than classes, wear house colours, including face and hair colour, and all shout for their house.

Good day, really! :)

Granny yes, my DD reported that some kids were very short tempered with her about the times when she missed a ball etc

Exactly IceBeing - so why do they have to be there?

IceBeing Wed 29-Jun-16 10:43:49

"hmm it does seem a bit odd to get the parents in to observe who is good at sports....but not who is good at languages, or maths, or science etc."

This. I would have loved the French spelling competition.

I didn't see a single sad face! A bit of disappointment when the reds came last, but nothing really.

Everyone throughly enjoyed it.

The day started with a huge Zumba dance in the playground, then the lower school came out to Rocky music through the upper school cheers.... then later the upper school to chariots of fire. A huge picnic for lunch, then track events in the afternoon. It was fun. The track events, except the cross country which was optional, was decided on heats in PE lessons.

My sister's kids go to a private school where parents take running spikes for the parents race!!

'people talk as if the non academic kids get to be good at sports so it all balances out in the end. It doesn't. Some kids are brilliant at everything, others struggle with everything and sports day risks just piling sports failure on top of academic failure '

And this. Ds was the slowest reader in the class and has a chronic joint disorder which meant he couldn't run and had zilch proprioception. My db otoh had top marks in everything and won junior championships in his sport.

YABU. Kid don't have a choice whether to participate in any other area of the curriculum so why should sports day be different?

ds is currently rehearsing a school play. He (and the rest of his gang) have non speaking parts but the whole year is still taking part. Should he opt out because he's rubbish at drama? Should parents not go to watch because he might be humiliated?

FWIW ds gets v nervous about sports day. He would rather not go. But in the end he mostly enjoys it. There are some team relays as well as individual races. His aim every year is just not to come last in the running race. Coming 6th out of 8th made him the happiest child there last year - a feat unlikely to be repeated.

I see encouraging him to relax and have a go as being one of my key parenting achievements to date.

Interesting to hear some sensible comments about alternative styles of sports day at some schools to prevent the ritual humiliation aspect of sports day.

But on the other hand so far on this thread we have learned that some posters think:

-that taking children out of a situation where they will be humiliated and made to feel worthless is 'raising special snowflakes'

• that the same humiliation is needed to toughen children up and prepare them for the real world. This sort of humiliation is necessary to build resiliance.
• that children who are not good at sports will be good at academic things so really one day of humiliation is OK since they will have other days to 'shine'
• that making sports day optional means that children will learn that they can opt out of anything they are not brilliant at and therefore will grow up unable/unwilling to do things that are necessary but not enjoyable.

I am left wondering if those who hold these views also think that being singled out publicly as less able at other things (academic/social/personal) or in any other way 'different' would also help to build resilliance in a child. It all seems a bit too close to bullying for my liking. Does this mean that parents should tell their children to toughen up and put up with it if they are being bullied in other ways? Oh, and there are some children who are not academic or sporty- presumably they just need an even bigger dose of resilliance.

My school makes an effort to do fun events for the youngest ones. So instead of straight races, they do things like, who can finish the race in closest to a minute, a seaside race where you have to put on a hat and sunglasses and pick up a bucket and spade on the way. Even my sport-hating DS enjoyed sports day because it was fun games.

Vertiginous yes but once they get to juniors it's cutthroat.

Running spikes for the parents race? Holy toledo. I would be avoiding like the plague.

All of my three breathed a huge sigh of relief at secondary, when sports day became a variation on 'Pick the three things you'd like to compete in'.

After years of humiliation at primary (which it is, for a tubby, clumsy child with asthma and joint problems), DD came home triumphant in year 7 with a Bronze Certificate for backstroke, cunningly chosen once she'd checked that the faster kids were already signed up for other things with bigger audiences.

I seem to remember DS winning the ping-pong at a similar age.

A good time was had by all; or if not quite all, at least more than a few.

agree that while all kids should be forced encouraged to get stuck in with sports, no matter how talented or otherwise they are, and learn to take it on the chin if they come last, the uniquely public nature of sports day is a bit odd.

might be better if schools had some kind of generic "parents-in" day where the sporty ones could choose to show off there prowess, likewise the musical ones, an art exhibition, classroom displays, whatever.

Come on, sports day is totally worth it even if only for laughing when the most competitive one who really psyched themselves up falling on their arse during the parents race

Although I take umbrage to the "its the sporty kids one day to shine". Apart from football, hockey, rounders tournaments, rugby games, cross country, gymnastics competitions?

As the not sporty very geeky child in primary school I never got a chance to shine until I got to secondary school and definitely at university. In primary school I was told to do my work slower in case I made the others feel bad, and instead of being pushed I had to tutor the others.

Primary school is shit for the clever kids. Just grin and bear it, OP, and remember that it gets better the higher up in education they go - and the geeks shall inherit the earth

chunkymum 1 - some really good points there. I would also point out to people that the less athletically able children are usually already aware of their shortcomings and get the requisite 'toughening up' that some posters seem to think they need in their regular PE lessons where they always struggle to keep up. Why there is a need to add public humiliation in on top of this is beyond me.

It would be great if other roles at sports day could be found for those struggle with competitive sports. Help with setting up, time and score keeping, giving out refreshments, moving equipment around, being the best team supporters they can be - that sort of role could be great for the atmosphere of the day.

I think sports days should be like an internal tournament, no parents in for the initial heats, then a day when parents and whole year/school are invited to watch the "finals" (so sporty children still get their chance to shine), with fun games for everyone as well. No public humiliation necessary, exercise celebrated.

Kittie, I like your daughter's style. I think she will go far.

(Not just education wise either - I was clever but not a genius, but where I got my chance to shine was in music and drama, which continued all the way to degree level. Others will find it in art, cooking, textiles, electronics, woodwork, choir, instruments - there's a lot more for the non sporty kids to do and enjoy at secondary.