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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to ban primary school sports day?

394 replies

namechangingagainagain · 29/06/2016 09:20

I HATE sports day. I REALLY REALLY hate it!
Don't get me wrong as a child I was sporty. I did well at sports day and loved it.

However now I'm a parent Ive had to drag DS6 to school this morning. I have 3 school age children. They are all competitive but only the eldest is good at sport. He liked sports day. The other 2 found it the most painful day of the year.

Don't get me wrong they can all play a board game and lose without too much bother. They are all active and fit. They just hate sports day..... the sitting around...... the cheering parents...... DS aged 9 said " I hate it when they clap you and you're last.... it's really humiliating....."

It seems once you get to high school it's more opt in... which is fine.
FWIW I'm not anti-competitive at all but it just seems to me when they are little they don't have the emotional intelligence to cope with it ( or maybe it's just my children...)

( and yes I probably just should have let him have the day off in hindsight )

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 29/06/2016 09:55

Boggling at parents who allow their kids to take the day off.
Is this just a SAHM thing or would you take a day off work to facilitate this ? Do you tell the school the truth or lie and pretend your child was sick?

IcedCoffeeToGo · 29/06/2016 09:58

It's jolly good for all to win and to lose graciously.

My DS aged seven was one of the only kids to cheer when the other team were announced as the winners.....

I had a very very smug moment.

tootsietoo · 29/06/2016 09:59

Well actually my two love it. DD2 always wins the running race. DD1 is not particularly athletic but she enjoys running around and is very good at balance and coordination so she won the egg and spoon race last year. Neither of them gets too bothered about winning or not winning, and they enjoy the afternoon. Sorry, you can't ban our sports day!

MaddyHatter · 29/06/2016 09:59

I wouldnt ban it, i do wish it was easier for kids who dont enjoy it and never will to opt out.

DS is 9, he has Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, Anxiety and Dyspraxia.. he HATES sports day.. the noise, the shouting, the expectation.

I spend most of it sat on the grass with him in my lap giving constant reassurance. Its ridiculous.

I wish he could opt out.

WellErrr · 29/06/2016 10:01

Ridiculous.

I never won anything at sports day but I still enjoyed it.

This culture of competition being Bad and allowing children to just opt out of things if they're not amazing at them is ridiculous and damaging.

You DO need to get a bloody grip.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 29/06/2016 10:01

MadHattersWineParty, I remember secretly crying after my race at Sports Day because of the humiliation, and I was definitely primary age not infant - I don't think children finding it hard is anything new, just if it's not handled well. If you know it's going to be used against you by nastier kids it's just awful.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 29/06/2016 10:01

Our local primary school has moved sports day to the evening -this year it was on a Thursday night from 6-8pm. So the parents of 5 year olds are supposed to keep them up late and still have them in school the next morning. There is no provision for parents without cars.
For the past few years there have also been stalls selling burgers, candy floss, balloons and other tat. This combined with the lateness was enough for me to refuse to take my children.

itsmine · 29/06/2016 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 29/06/2016 10:04

I hated sports day with a passion, right through primary and secondary school. Unlike me, my twin brother was extremely sporty (he's now a professional football coach) and he hated sports day, too. I am not looking forward to it any more as a parent either. Can your children opt out at this young age? You know better than anyone what's best for your children, after all.
I think some of the responses you've had here have been a bit shitty, but that's AIBU for you. It doesn't sound to me like your children are incapable if coping with the idea of losing, or that you are raising 'special snowflakes' (I bloody hate that phrase, it's so patronising).

beardedladydragon · 29/06/2016 10:04

My littlest ds is average in the classroom. He never gets singled out for academic achievement. He is quite shy and doesn't like to be in the spotlight so never puts himself forward for school plays, readings etc. He is however good at sport. Sports day is his one day to shine in front of the other parents and kids.

YABU

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/06/2016 10:04

I hated it at school, but my DS (who is the least co-ordinated and sporty child on the planet thanks to his dyspraxia) loves his sports day.

They do it brilliantly at his school - everyone competes for their house rather than themselves and the things they do are fun - so it's not just running races, it's an obstacle race, followed by a hockey race, followed by a beanbag throwing relay. Parents tend to shout for a house rather than individual children too. So it's competitive but not individually competitive, iyswim.

chunkymum1 · 29/06/2016 10:05

I agree that it's good for children who are not academic to have a chance to shine. But there does seem to be an inconsistency between the very public/compulsory nature of the sports day and the more optional/private way children are allowed to shine in other areas.

For example, if there is a maths/spelling/handwriting competition only those who want to need enter. The winners are often presented with a certificate in front of the class/school and sometimes parents are invited to see this. Primary schools do not tend to single out pupils for prizes for highest marks in tests/best reader in the school etc. Many schools do have prizes for general good work in school but this is usually for the children that are trying hard/putting in extra effort so not just those who are naturally gifted. I have certainly never been to a primary school event (as a child or parent) where pupils of all abilities are asked to compete against each other in an academic subject in front of the whole school and all parents so that those who are gifted can be seen to be so and those who are struggling have to endure being watched as they struggle. I think Ofsted would have something to say if children who struggle with maths were expected to stand up in front of the school and all parents and asked times tables questions.

I thought that the point of school sports was to help children be healthy and fit. WFIW primary school sports days put me off sport for life. Surely we can think of a better way to celebrate pupils who are gifted at sports- maybe an opt in day or an activity day where pupils could do art, music etc instead if they prefer.

BluePitchFork · 29/06/2016 10:07

yabu
sportsday is the best day ever.
if done well it's a celebration of exercise in all forms and great fun.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 29/06/2016 10:09

I was good at ballet, gymnastics, balance/strength type sporty stuff as a child and fit - never off bike/trampoline/roller skates etc but never good at running. I hated sports day because all of the stuff involved being the fastest runner, except the 'fun stuff' which was a 'side line' of the day. I used to worry so much that I'd be last...I wanted to enjoy the day with my friends & tried to, but I really hated it.

However, in retrospect it did me no harm and probably some good. We are FAR too soft on kids these days, wanting to help them to avoid any upset, stress, fear they might encounter. It's natural, but it's actually really not good for them.

Use it as a lesson in everyone being good at something, but not everything, let the runners/racers have their moments of success - some of them will not get that in academic situations, they will be worried/stressed often in school.

Lurkedforever1 · 29/06/2016 10:10

If my child was reduced to tears because they weren't great at sports day, then I would view it as a wake up call. Not a reason to ban sports day.

I can see the logic in allowing some children with sn/mh issues to opt out, if it's of a nature where they can't just learn to deal with it. But not a general opt out for anyone.

SaucyJack · 29/06/2016 10:11

Ah I like sports day. DD2 won the 400m this year through sheer bloody mindedness- neither she or anyone else in the race were naturally sporty types. It was a proud moment.

I do feel a bit for certain children tho. You can see how thoroughly miserable it is for some of the larger kids. It's a bloody shame, and I'll leave it there.

Original poster
namechangingagainagain · 29/06/2016 10:11

FWIW if we had had a public maths challenge with parents spectating and clapping then my children would probably do well and get their chance to "shine"...... doesn't mean I think its a good idea though

Perhaps the way the school handles it could be better and my title should have been ... "AIBU to want to ban OUR school sports day"

OP posts:
AppleSetsSail · 29/06/2016 10:13

Mine would be fine with a public maths or spelling competition, but hate sports day. I don't see that that's how it should be.

Is that don't in there by mistake? Obviously it's a great forum for kids who are athletic but not academic to shine?

grannytomine · 29/06/2016 10:13

I have 4 kids, all grown up, and 3 gc. I have some who are really sport, played for the county and all that, and some who hate sport. The one thing they have in common is they all hate/hated sports day. My GS, who is sport mad and does 3 different sports after school every week and with matches on top is normally doing out of school sport 5 times a week, loathes sports day with a passion.

Original poster
namechangingagainagain · 29/06/2016 10:14

Oh and if a random parent on the internet thinks this is a wake up call for me to look at my parenting..... I will DEFINITELY sit down and re-evaluate it.

OP posts:
2nds · 29/06/2016 10:14

Ban sports day? Really? Its one day out of the year and my eldest's very first school sports day is coming up soon and I'm really looking forward to it. Yesterday her teachers told me her class were practicing and apparently she really enjoyed the practice sessions.

If your kids feel humiliated because they were applauded then maybe you are making a massive deal of it yourself because I for one will be proud of my daughter if she comes first or last. It's not the winning it's the taking part and as a parent it's your task to encourage your children to be proud of their achievements rather than agree with them and question if sports say should be banned.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/06/2016 10:15

Unfortunately in life we are faced with many,many things we don't like but have to do. Letting kids opt out of something because they don't like it (as opposed to unable to do it due to SEN, physical disabilities etc) is just not going to prepare them for that.

purpleclaire · 29/06/2016 10:16

Don't be ridiculous, sports day doesn't need to be banned. Some children will love it, while others won't enjoy it. Isn't everything in school and life like that? Children and adults need to cope with things that are not always in their comfort zone, as well as the reality of not always winning or being first.
Get on with it and look for the positive aspects of participating in sports day!

grannytomine · 29/06/2016 10:17

As well as the shining in public thing there is the being humiliated in public. No parents are sitting round waiting for the spelling test results to be read out with a patronising clap for the kid who came last.

I remember telling one teacher that if my child (one of my non sporty ones) was told they were pathetic in a sports lesson once more then she was being told to stand up in class and say the ones who didn't do well in maths or English were pathetic. Teacher was horrified, you can't humiliate children like that. Exactly my point, which she didn't seem to understand.

itsmine · 29/06/2016 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.