Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse my sister to come on holiday with me?

63 replies

CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 21:39

So in a nutshell me and my slightly older sister have a horrible relationship. Yes there are two sides to every story, but this woman has physically attacked me (I never retaliate) and been horrible and vindictive. She is horrid!

But - my niece is just gorgeous and get a on so well with my daughter. Despite my differences with my sister it's rather important to me for the girls to have a good relationship.

So - AIBU.

I want to take both girls on a week long holiday at the end of the summer holidays, all booked and paid for by me (and I have no issue with that at all it was my idea) I had a vague agreement and I went ahead and booked for the three of us.

Today my sister says if she can't come on holiday with us, niece can't come. I said I don't think it's a good idea for us to be cooped up miles away fromy anyone. And when we do fall out ( it really is a case of when not if) I don't want the girls to see anymore fighting between us.
She said I needed to be an adult about it??!!??

Hmmmm so ( and there is obviously loads missing but I hope you get the gist)
AIBU to deprive my niece of a holiday because of her mum?

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 27/06/2016 21:41

What is likely to trigger a fall out? Is it avoidable?

Hissy · 27/06/2016 21:43

Her mum won't do that to her dc! Say to the sister that your offer is for the kids only.if she wants to cancel her dd holiday, she can tell her herself.

starving · 27/06/2016 21:43

What age are your dd and dn?

IonaNE · 27/06/2016 21:45

I had a vague agreement and I went ahead and booked for the three of us
Given your relationship with your sister, OP, I don't quite see how a "vague agreement" was enough for you to actually book it. I think you need to let her go with you.

Arfarfanarf · 27/06/2016 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 27/06/2016 21:47

Why does she suddenly want to come? She obviously didn't mention this at the time. Can you say it's fully booked?

I don't know why she wants to come so much if you really don't get on tbh. Or is a case of her not wanting you to have fun with her daughter and she thinks she'll be missing out?

RebootYourEngine · 27/06/2016 21:49

I would tell your sister what hissy suggested.

Baconyum · 27/06/2016 21:49

Ywbvu to book a holiday for someone else's child with only a 'vague agreement'

I'm nc with my sister so I get that some are shit but that's still her dd.

You should have made clear plans before booking

Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 21:50

My DD is 7 and DN is 6

To be honest we just don't like each other. We are very different individuals and I think because of years of what I perceive to be abuse from her, I come across rather cold and detached from her - but to me I am protecting myself.

She has issues - she drinks a lot! We grew up in an household with an alcoholic dad, violence and refuges.... she reminds me of him a lot.

DN is safe - my mum lives with my sister so I am jot worried in that respect.

And fall out a are unavoidable.... she hates me, so when pissed will remember something from the past to kick off about, there is no rhyme or reason and ultimately I could not relax if she is there - it's like a ticking bomb.

I should add I have complex health issues that don't react well to stress.... she is pure stress.

Sigh... she said she would tell DN that I said she couldn't go - I know she will spin this badly. My dd was really upset (she overheard the conversation even though I warned my sister she was in the room) and we ended the call before the fight really had a chance to kick off - she was drunk....

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 21:54

The vague agreement - she said I could book the holiday but she needed me to spend more time with my niece before the holiday before she was comfortable with me Hmm

Fine I went along with it and did as she asked.

She then said she wanted to come because she doesn't want to miss out of her niece's first..... I don't really know what she would be missing! Lol its a holiday park.

It's not a big deal about the booking, I have insurance I won't lose out.

Yes she would also have expected me to cover whatever it cost to add her to the trip and spending money and all the travel - I don't want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 21:54

The vague agreement - she said I could book the holiday but she needed me to spend more time with my niece before the holiday before she was comfortable with me Hmm

Fine I went along with it and did as she asked.

She then said she wanted to come because she doesn't want to miss out of her niece's first..... I don't really know what she would be missing! Lol its a holiday park.

It's not a big deal about the booking, I have insurance I won't lose out.

Yes she would also have expected me to cover whatever it cost to add her to the trip and spending money and all the travel - I don't want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 21:56

Letting her come just isn't an option - I can't look after 2 kids and her as well. Physically and mentally not possible.

I kinda thought I wasn't being U. Just feel sad for my niece.

There will be more opportunities.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/06/2016 21:56

Tell your sister she can't come, tell your dn the truth and tell your dd she can bring a friend ? Definitely don't bring your sister. Would your sister agree to your mother going instead?

SaucyJack · 27/06/2016 21:57

The kid is 6.

YABU for the Hmm face alone.

Just go without them both.

FetchezLaVache · 27/06/2016 22:01

She wants to come because she wants to ruin your holiday.

Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 22:02

Saucy - the face was just showing how ridiculous I thought her suggestion was... I have been in my niece's life since day 1. But I accept this is AIBU

It's fine neither will go - I am just feeling guilty.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyDuchess · 27/06/2016 22:05

I may ask if taking my mum along would make a difference.... I won't cancel the room just yet.

OP posts:
Filosofikal · 27/06/2016 22:05

You won't get the money back from insurance. Insurance won't pay unless thee is a proper reason you have to cancel such as illness.

I'd just go with your DD and have a fab time.

Twooter · 27/06/2016 22:06

I can't imagine many people letting their 6 year old go on holiday with someone they hate.

knaffedoff · 27/06/2016 22:16

Don't feel guilty, I have a similar sister with whom I am no longer in contact. Sadly my niece's and nephew's (as well as other family members) have all been led to believe that it's my behaviour that's at fault. Be prepared though as my sister has definitely used her children against me :-(

starry0ne · 27/06/2016 22:18

I have been on holiday with my sister ..We have a similar relationship though she has no kids... I tolerate her for my DS's sake as he has very little family..Her behaviour on holiday drives me crackers.. It spoils my holiday so no I won't go with her again..
I see no reason not for you and dd go..I now go alone with my DS... I would tell her you would be delighted if DN joined but really don't think it is a good us together..leave the ball in her court..If you don't go it will cause more resentment.

AyeAmarok · 27/06/2016 22:24

YANBU, go without either of them,or let your DD bring a friend.

Poor DN.

knaffedoff · 27/06/2016 22:24

I would add, that I have spent many holidays with my sister, but few did I actually enjoy and I always limited the time we spent together to avoid conflict, so I would go alone in your position!

RabbitSaysWoof · 27/06/2016 22:30

I wouldn't allow someone who hates me to take my child on holiday either.

Partiallycloudy · 27/06/2016 22:30

your sister sounds like my brother and in no uncertain terms would I go on Holiday with him.. He drinks too much and I would get annoyed at having to be constantly paying for him and he would get annoyed cos i wouldn't want to stay up all night drinking....So no you are not being unreasonable.
I would tell her honestly that she can't come and if she wants to stop her daughter having a holiday then thats on her.....