AIBU to refuse my sister to come on holiday with me?

[CrazyDuchess]

So in a nutshell me and my slightly older sister have a horrible relationship. Yes there are two sides to every story, but this woman has physically attacked me (I never retaliate) and been horrible and vindictive. She is horrid!

But - my niece is just gorgeous and get a on so well with my daughter. Despite my differences with my sister it's rather important to me for the girls to have a good relationship.

So - AIBU.
I want to take both girls on a week long holiday at the end of the summer holidays, all booked and paid for by me (and I have no issue with that at all it was my idea) I had a vague agreement and I went ahead and booked for the three of us.
Today my sister says if she can't come on holiday with us, niece can't come. I said I don't think it's a good idea for us to be cooped up miles away fromy anyone. And when we do fall out ( it really is a case of when not if) I don't want the girls to see anymore fighting between us.
She said I needed to be an adult about it??!!??

Hmmmm so ( and there is obviously loads missing but I hope you get the gist)
AIBU to deprive my niece of a holiday because of her mum?

[CrazyDuchess]

Tough isn't it Last I get so jealous when I see or hear people with genuinely loving sibling relationships.... but at the moment I don't thing that could ever be used

[lasttimeround]

I have a difficult relationship with my sister too. I guess if she won't budge on coming then your niece can't come. Shame but you are right to stood any chance of your kids seeing that kind of bust up. Sorry for you snd them but truly j get it

[CurlyMango]

YANBU , she is trying to control. You are/were doing a nice thing. She is not nice. Carry on. Or enjoy with your children.

[CrazyDuchess]

I will keep it open still 8 weeks to go anything can happen.

She says she will cover the difference but she is unemployed.... I won't see a penny

[SquidgeyMidgey]

Sounds like she's after a freebie if she's expecting you to pay her accommodation, travel, food, spending etc. In her shoes I would pay my own way and my dd's share.

YANBU, I would be inclined to send her the message that she can let dn know, you'll fill the place. I would keep the space open though if you can just in case she decides last minute that dn can go.

[CrazyDuchess]

Yeah - my niece's age really isn't the issue... for her it's not getting her own way!

C'est la vie

[dowhatnow]

Yes I agree the grown up thing to do is remain cordial for the childrens sake. Lets hope your sis steps up to the plate. May be when she realises you are standing your ground and won't let her come too, she'll relent and let her dd have a holiday. It's a bit cruel not to, unless she has genuine concerns about 6 being too young. Although if she was that concerned about her dd then she'd tackle her drinking wouldn't she.

[CrazyDuchess]

Hmmmm I can only try to ensure the girls remain close.

Me and my sister are beyond building bridges until the alcohol issue is resolved until then the grown up thing to do is remain cordial for the children's sakes

[dowhatnow]

But equally going on holiday and having the inevitable row isn't helpful to building bridges either. The adults are being realistic about their situation and relationship; they can do this whilst facilitating a good relationship between the cousins - if they are mature enough, which is debatable in the sisters case. Having said that, 6 is quite young.

I wouldn't be surprised though op if you never get the chance because when she is old enough, she might not want to spend time with you if she has been poisoned against you, as you seem to think the sister will do? I'm not sure if your mum is strong enough to prevent this.

In fact, I think you may be being a bit naive to think Dniece is safe with your mum there. Your mum was there when your sister was growing up and she failed to prevent the damage to your sister. She has just swapped living with her alcoholic Dh for her alcoholic daughter. The pattern is repeating itself.

[NothingIsOK]

I have a sibling with whom there is friction. There's just no way I would let my six year old go away to stay with them for a week.

A day out would be OK, a sleepover if the kids really wanted to when a bit older.

I also think it's quite a horrible thing to say to someone, that their kid is welcome but they themselves are not. Not helpful to building bridges in the relationship at all.

[CrazyDuchess]

I get that new name - I would never say a bad word about my sister in front of the girls - not my style in the slightest!

It's 5 days/ 4 nights - it's not unusual to spend that time together in the past and we currently live about 50 miles apart. But I agree I wouldn't let my dd spend that amount of time with my sister alone (I.e my mum not being there)

I have learnt and probably will wait until both girls are much older to do something

[newname99]

Her dad is young to be away with you.She may feel you will influence her child against her.I think it's fair for her to have concerns but obviously it sad as ideally you 2 could go on holiday together.

I get on very well with family but they would feel a week away is too long.

[CrazyDuchess]

I agree user.... for me it was about the girls being together. There I'll be other opportunities

[user1465823522]

in all honesty I wouldn't be happy with someone I didnt get along with taking my kid a hundred miles away for a holiday, so I can sort fo see where your sister is coming from on this.

[dowhatnow]

YANBU.

[CrazyDuchess]

No Euro - probably not.... I will try and fill yhe place before cutting my losses

[eurochick]

I'm not sure insurance will cover this situation.

[CrazyDuchess]

Thanks - it'll be fine and work out in the end!

[CrazyDuchess]

Thanks - it'll be fine and work out in the end!

[WeekendAway]

I think if the relationship between you and your sister is a toxic and as hopeless as you say it is, the you should just give up on her and accept that an unfortunate casualty of that is a relationship with your niece.

She's only six, she'll get over it and so will your daughter. Just tell her theyve move a long way away or something. It seems far too complicated and unworkable to have a polite and civil distance from your sister while insisting that you have regular access to her DD.

[SquinkiesRule]

I'd reply to her, "well thats too bad, you can let DN know she won't be coming with me and Dd, I'll change the booking to just us or maybe take one of Dd's friends, bye"
Then leave it. If in a couple of weeks she changes her mind take DN with you, if not wait till the latest you can change it and ask one of Dd's friends to come instead.

[CrazyDuchess]

That's fair enough - in hindsight I do accept some of the responsibility for this mess.

[AnnaMarlowe]

I wouldn't add your sister to the holiday, clearly that won't go well.

However I personally wouldn't have wanted my 6 year old to go away from me for a week (and I really like my sister!) so she's not being unreasonable. She's young to be away so long IMO.

[whois]

You screwed up on this one I'm afraid and now you need to either include your sister or to take full responsibility with your nice for her disappointment.

No she doesn't. Her sister said she could take DN away as long as they spent more time together before hand.

Sister is the U one.

[DeathStare]

YANBU to not want to go on holiday with your sister.

YABU to expect to take your sisters child on holiday without her unless your sister is 100% happy with this.

YWBVVU to book a holiday including your sister's child without a very clear agreement with your sister.

You screwed up on this one I'm afraid and now you need to either include your sister or to take full responsibility with your nice for her disappointment.