To refuse birthday presents from my LO's grandparents?

[daisyw302]

So long story short, my other halfs parents are not in the picture what so ever, but still call themselves nanny and granda. They live in Ireland so can't see her every day but they've only seen her once, for 3 days when we took her over at 8 weeks old, and she's now 11 months old. Even before she was born they would never come here to see us, we always had to go to them which was obviously a lot easier before baby came along. They refuse to come here because it's too much hassle, they're having work done to their house and use that as an excuse every time. They've never once text/called asking how she is, what she's up to ect, they only find out through Facebook, I've since blocked them and my partner doesn't upload anything so for about a month they haven't even seen a picture of her. They don't speak to us at all, haven't contacted us for about 2 months now. I am absolutely livid and it infuriates me thinking about it, because they've got 2 grandkids over there, our daughter is completley forgotten. His mum will constantly put stuff on Fb about how she's taking the grandkids out for dinner, buying them clothes, having sleepovers, how much she loves them, and never a mention of her granddaughter. My parents on the other hand are great with her and absolutely adore her.

So it's LO's birthday coming up and we invited them to come and stay with us and be here for her birthday and party, to which they turned down simply because they can not be bothered. So that for me was the last straw, no more contact whatsoever. As far as we're concerned she has her family here, they are just her daddy's family, not hers. So I'm sure they'll send a card and maybe a present, but I'm not having it and not opening it. Am I being too harsh? In my eyes, they don't deserve to be her grandparents.

I haven't seen my goddaughter for five years. We live far from each other. i send her birthday and Christmas presents because I want her to know that she is special and important to me even if I rarely see her.

Her mother is one of my best friends and godmother to my son - she does the same. I know it's an entirely different relationship - godparents/grandparents but don't reject what they're doing just because they're not doing it how you would like them to. They are showing interest.

I am in a similar situation, my DH's family have never really bothered with our kids, never call to see how they are but always expect us to travel to Ireland to see them. Dragging 3 kids under 3 there isn't easy. Never have the kids gotten birthday or Christmas presents either so I can totally understand why you are upset.

Never have the kids gotten birthday or Christmas presents either so I can totally understand why you are upset.

Not exactly the same as the OP expects they'll send a birthday present and card, presumably as they did for Christmas.

Taking presents out of the equation, it's the lack of interest that can be upsetting.

And so, interaction is further reduced with no contact?

YABU but thank you because sometimes I question my own parenting skills, my own judgement, my own relationships and my own decisions - today you've made me see that I could be so much worse.

Stop op or you will eventually drive those you love away.

Yes. You are being very unreasonable.

My pil aren't very involved. They live 2 hours away and haven't been over in well over a year maybe 2.

I still think Yabu. All people are different. Of course they will be closer to people they see every day. I think you have totally over reacted by blocking them on FB. And you will be doing the same by rejecting their present. Rejecting a present really draws a line, I wouldn't expect them to make more of an effort in future if you do this. It could damage what relationship there is.

Huskylover are you serious? Stay in contact not to foster a relationship for your child but to profit when they're dead!

Yeah and I'm an awful person OP!

OP what age are they and are they actually tech savvy? I know you said they are on Facebook but so is my dad and he hasn't a clue how to reply to things. I could tell my dad to fuck off in a text message and he'd never even open the text because he doesn't know how to and simply can't be arsed learning. My mum is slightly more tech savvy but she couldn't convert a file or send a picture, though she can Skype. Also would one or both of them be unable to travel so far? I'm in the same position, only it's my folks who don't come over from Ireland to see their two grandchildren so I understand that it's frustrating for you, but I wouldn't be surprised that there is a more serious issue that prevents them from coming over like a health reason.

I'd love to hear 'LOs grandparents' side of the story!

TBH OP you don't sound very pleasant!

Yes YABU. They don't sound as if they have done anything wrong other than not having as much contact as you would like. I'm sorry that's hurtful to you but if you would like more contact I don't really see that going nc is the way to go about it....

Thing is, the ones who lose out by their not having a relationship with your baby is them, not her. She doesn't have a clue. She will form close relationships with the people who do make effort to be present (or Skype).
DH's dad is like this. It's mostly cluelessness I've come to think. He was the same with his own kids, when I met him he didn't even know how his own son took his tea. We treat them as a sort of unpredictable distant aunt and uncle. Their loss. No need to cut them off, just don't rely on them.

Sorry, I think you're being unreasonable. It sounds like your relationship with them has deteriorated (who to blame I don't know). Some grandparents put in loads of effort and others don't. My in-laws won't call unless we call them first, they won't come and visit and if they do they insist on staying at a hotel an hour away. But at the end of the day they are still the grandparents and still deserve the contact. Blocking them from Facebook and refusing gifts just seems mean. You may even create problems for yourself and your husband in the long-term if you battle his parents that much.

Have I missed the flounce? My parents were uninterested in my dc I spent years driving the length of the country visiting, spending Christmas (single parent) presents, phone calls etc etc. My now dh called time when they didn't come to our wedding and I hardly contacted them for four years. We are in contact now (my dc aren't and won't) they are okde, miserable and lonely and I feel awful for the years of my strop. I keep trying because without them I was low level miserable and they were. My long winded point is try to think how your dh feels, a poor relationship with his parents us better than none. Blocking them on FB is spiteful and childish rise above such behaviour and keep trying on your own terms but keep trying it will make you the bigger person and your dh will thank you.

I think the flounce might have already happened. Just read through 6 pages looking for the flounce - nothing.

Wondering if OP will have slept on it overnight.

Another YABU and PFB from here.

I can see both sides dh hasn't sern his dad in many yrs his dad hasent a clue how many grandchildren he has and apparently doesnt give a shit , dh mum is dead but he was close to his step dad who our kids called grandad but due to a family tragedy last yr which dh stepfather completley unfairly blames dh for stepdad has cut off all contact including with our boys there is obviously far more to this but i,m very hurt and angry the way stepdad has treated my dh and my boys but he does still send the boys birthday and xmas cards with money in it signed from grandad which i just accept and get the boys to send a thankyou note the way i see it its stepdads loss.