WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

I don't think what she did is ok op!

I don't think she was trying to kidnap your kid but nebbing in like that would really get on my nerves.

she didn't help me cross any road - my dd was stood in front of me on the pavement. there was no situation there that required help.

She took my daughter and led her away from me. there was at no point a discussion with myself and dd or random woman as to where i was going. there are several shops where Home Bargains was - so random woman had absolutely no idea where i was going.

how exactly was i rude? i took my dd's hand and led her away and explained where i thought i was away from the woman that we don not go with strangers as not all are nice - that is fact.

and for the record i have listened - right back on page 1 i said that when i should have apologised when she had a go at me in the shop. however i still fail to see how my actions were in any way rude - unlike hers! and no one has yet presented an argument to convince me otherwise

Walking off with a toddler - oh the drama!
I am assuming the child was never out of mum's sight or we would gave surely been told that.
I think done people on here seriously need to get a grip.

'I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything should have done more'

What 'more' should you have done Op

OP - I'm presuming you posted to get a sense of whether or not what that woman did is normal. It's not. She was an interfering busybody who didn't engage her brain before she acted. You were quite within your rights (in your non-exhausting world) to be a bit pissed off.

If it feels wrong to you, it's wrong. Don't doubt yourself

sirchenjin - that is exactly what i was trying to see - was this a normal thing for someone to do and wibu to feel uneasy about it or was she completely out of order and i was right to protect my dd. Thank you for understanding.

only1 confronted her about her inappropriate behaviour rather than meekly walked away with dd and spoken to dd about not walking off with strangers.

IMO you are overreacting, but equally the woman was overstepping the line from 'friendly/helpful' to 'intrusive' and 'mildly inappropriate' - just the kind of thing my mother would do….

It must be hard to read this thread and I agree with trusting what feels right to you, however I do think it is important to teach children that the good people in the world by far outnumber the bad.
You felt uncomfortable at the woman's actions - fair enough.
You also felt unsure about whether your feelings in response to her actions were appropriate - well, trust that to and examine your discomfort further.

In reality, much as her actions may not be the cultural norm in Western Europe, nothing at all bad happened. Let it go.

YABVU dear God.

I don't think your DD needed protecting in this scenario.

I also agree with PPs that 'Stranger Danger' is very strongly overemphasised when in reality most children who come to harm do so at the hands of friends and/or family members.

Encourage your DD independence and have her know she can always tell you everything. Discuss the difference between 'good secrets' (the ones that make you feel good: "We have a present for gran but don't tell her before her birthday") and 'bad secrets' ("What we are doing together is our Special Time and it's a secret and if you tell your mum something bad is going to happen to her") and that she should always find a trusted adult about anything she is scared about.

This woman was clearly not going to run off with your DD while you were holding her other hand in front of a shopping centre, was she?

Someone did this to me once.
2 yr old DD was refusing to hold my hand in the shop, on the verge of a tantrum and a woman came up to her and took her hand, then my DD took my hand and we did the 1, 2, 3 SWING thing.
At first I was a bit like oh this is weird but then actually appreciated the help and was very lovely to the lady.

I think you were a little rude, tbh. It does sound like she was just being friendly and helpful.

She was slightly inappropriate but you were unpleasant.
In case you are not clear about exactly how you were unpleasant, this is how: you should have said something cheerful and good-humoured while taking your child's hand back, and you should have made damn sure that she could not hear you talking about how not all strangers are safe.

thank you pacific - your response is far more insightful that those simply attacking me for wanting to protect my dd.

I am not sure why i feel so uncomfortable about her actions - in part there has been a lot in our local press about organised paedophile rings, woman being involved to lure kids away and when you have a child it instinctive to protect whatever the situation. I am not always sure i trust myself to believe my instincts.

No, it wasn't normal - for you and for others (including myself) on here. Far from it. You just don't interfere in an interaction between a parent and child, take the hand of a small child and walk it away from its mother without her permission - you just don't (if you're a rational, thoughtful person that is)

So others wouldn't have minded if someone had done that to their 2 year old? Meh. There will be parents whose views you will never agree on and some will have you thinking wtaf?. Ignore them, and have the courage of your own convictions.

The only thing I qould have done differently was not provoking the crazy lady.
My 2yo ds has a tendency to grab random peoples hands when we are out for a walk. It's a little bit embarrassing for me and the recipient. I let them have a little chat and then try to take him back. Most people wouldn't try to wander off with him!
I think a few poaters on here could do with reading the op more thoroughly.
Better to gradually teach them to assess and manage a situation rather than a blanket no to srrangers imoo.

Oh - and telling your child "that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people" is absolutely spot on, and far from the worst thing you could have said and done. If she's going to do something as ridiculous as that then she has to accept that parents aren't necessarily going to be thrilled.

I must say though that at that point I lived in a small town, most people know each other and it's not a strange occurrence for people to get involved with others around them.

Glad I made sense.

My mother loves small children/toddler/babies.
More than once she has made me cringe when she is what I find inappropriately 'forward' with them: chatting to random kids, offering to play pattacakes with them or whatever, making to pick them up etc etc - I have never in my life felt that urge with other people's DCs.

IME with my own kids I find when they refuse to do something or when a temper tantrum is brewing, a stranger saying something to them works like a charm: immediate distraction and forgetting whatever they were about to go in to a strop over.

There's no need for you to justify yourself or to try and get everybody to agree with you - you've canvassed opinion, you've been given many different opinions, now move on.

painted i honestly didn't deliberately provoke her! I genuinely thought she had gone into the shop but she must have followed me towards the trollies to have heard me and then walked away.

sirchenjen thank you. you have made me feel slightly better about the whole stupid thing. i was sure i was right to trust my instincts that the whole situation was a bit off but needed to know i wasn't completely bats - even though some people seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to walk off with someone elses kid!

It would have been better if the strange lady had said, "Wait for Mummy" but I don't blame you for worrying. They're a bit old-fashioned and DD may not co-operate but would a pair of reins help you to hang on to her to stop her running off? I do understand that 'it's one more thing' to hang onto while getting out of the car, etc.

You were not being unreasonable at all. You were right to tell your daughter that she shouldn't just hold hands with random strangers, and go with anyone who passes by.

thanks blithering - she wasn't trying to run off and honestly, had she not held my hand she still would have walked at my side. it was only because the pathway along the front of the shops is quite narrow and notorious for cars pulling too far forward that i wanted her hand. as i said above, i do normally have littlelife backpack reigns for her, however after a busy weekend they had been taken out the car and not put back this morning - it was an 'oh shit i have run out of x, y & z' stop on the way home and easier than trying to get to the supermarket

OP, I don't think paedophile thoughts, so we are not alike there, but that's besides the bloody point.

You were standing next to your child and directing your child to do something. Your child was safe.

Then there was a sudden unforeseen intervention - before you knew what was happening, your child was led away. It was bizarre, you had to regain control of your child.

At that point you had a licence to let out whatever emotions or fears you had, and whether or not I agree with them is pretty much beside the point. If you had delivered the lecture on stranger danger in the lady's hearing without the provocation that would be something else entirely. But your hormones must have been whizzing around - a cold fake-polite speech to the child in the hearing of the interfering lady was well within normal range of responses.

"AIBU, today I saw a child not wanting to hold her parent's hand so I did it myself" hmm.....

Other people think it's OK to do all sorts of things with their children - and as your child grows up you'll hear 'but everyone else's parent's do X' often . Ignore what other people think - I've learned over the years with 2 older teens and a 9 year old to not really give a jot about what other parents think of my parenting, esp when they are talking nonsense . It's very liberating

whydid - i don't think i was consciously thinking anything particular at the time other than 'wtaf are you doing' - i guess it is the implications of what could have happened that has set my anxiety racing. All i can say is that at the time there was that sudden flush of fear as someone i have never met, has taken hold of dd and walked away with her.