"It's Your Body But It Will Be My Baby Too"

[picklypopcorn]

So last night DP and I were having a casual discussion about my implant which is due to be taken out next month after 3 years floating about in my arm keeping us baby free.

For context, I'm 25 and he's 27, been together 8 years with no problems and both employed although I'm the breadwinner and on a bit of an upwards thrust at work at the moment. We have a mortgage on a 2 bed house we've lived in for 2 years and yes, I have to admit we have a perfect set up for a baby... you can see where this is going.

We've had the baby discussion before and i thought we both see babies as an "in the future" type of thing..we've even discussed that DP will be a SAHD while I go back to work etc. Last night I talked about wanting to go back on the pill after the implant is taken out until my career stagnates and I'm on a bit more money... DP's reaction was massive disappointment because he'd assumed when the implant came out we'd just start "seeing what happens" and stop taking baby prevention precautions...

At one point, very amicably and there was no nastiness intended, he said "I know it's your body and career and stuff but it will be my baby too and I think we're really really ready"... I got irrationally angry inside but didn't have a go at him or anything because I know he didn't mean it to sound like it did ..

AIBU to hold back on the baby making knowing we could cope and knowing it's what DP really really wants? Am I being really selfish here? DP hasn't tried to make me feel bad about it or anything and we had a lovely evening snuggled up on the sofa but it's been churning away in my head all night. I want to have a baby too, but I'm 25 and I can't help feeling like I want to be closer to 30 and my career not to get stalled now?

How do other couples make the decision to stop taking precautions?

I have GAD: becoming a parent and WoH has not helped, quite the opposite.

Sleep deprivation, domestic and physical work of caring for tiny DC and the home (even though my partner does his fair share), postnatal hormones, relationship pressures of DC, returning to work to find my career was in difficulty because I can't/won't work long hours, worrying about DC, not enough hours in day, blah blah!

"I know it's your body and career and stuff but it will be my baby too and I think we're really really ready".

Rem what is wrong with what he's said?

I'm not Rem, but it is as someone else has said, arse-about-face thinking. If OP were pregnant, yes, it would end up being his baby too. But to come out with that comment when OP is not pregnant, in a conversation about getting pregnant, where she says she doesn't want to yet, displays a worrying sense of joint ownership of her uterus. She should absolutely not get pregnant for his sake, it's her body, her health and her choice.

Yes, OP is not a vessel!

Other worrying signs about him include his suggesting that OP's contraception is worsening her MH issue, especially when condoms are a tricky option due to an allergy. That is manipulative IMO. Having a baby would present far more risks to MH.

That he is a very low earner but apparently doesn't wish to change anything at all to increase family income, and assumes he will be a SAHD and primary carer (and also pursue his music while OP pays for childcare or stays home?) and that OP will fund this for an indeterminate time.

With regard to childcare, there are many options in between one partner being AH and both partners returning to working long hours when DC are tiny, eg one or both working part time. Your P would need to seek better paid work for that to work though.

He is showing very early signs of reproductive coercion.