I can cope with music... I can cope with kids...but I don't need to hear your PARENTING

[Pendu]

Sitting in a cafe , following on from some other threads about peppa pig etc being played loudly in cafes ...... This wouldn't bother me but ooooo myyy goooood WHY do people need to partake in "loud parenting"???!?? !!!

I have three feral kids, I'm not judgey - I'm always "that mum" running around like a blue arsed fly and therefore I understand there is usually more than meets the eye in situations but Jesus, I don't CARE if your little marshmallow honey puff "doesn't usually do this at home" (I can only presume the parent means eating some cake or something) and frigging LOUDLY discussing with honey puff what pics of yesterday's jovial adventure to send to nanny or whatever. Your sat right next to honey puff, I don't need to hear it across the cafe ! We don't all need to hear how you've discussed the rules of behaviour before coming out, how well honey puff did yesterday .... I don't mean this person is a little loud, I mean they are literally looking around and speaking like a politician looking for some kind of medal or something.

I just can't stand this type of thing - it's about the only thing that irritates the hell out of me (so now I have to moan on MN).

Ah yes, performance parenting. It is annoying. But then I don't have kids so no idea what I'm talking about really!

I guess it's partly embarrassment... Trying to justify that they are 'good' parents and the behaviour being shown isn't normal?

Honey puff isn't misbehaving - I'd understand that, even I do that "somewhat loudly declaring in the supermarket "you were sooo well behaved earlier" whilst silently cursing and crying to myself and getting the heck out of there quickly", but he's literally ... I dunno - yeh like giving a performance. He might as well stand back up and tell us all to look over and see how great a dad he is. Its so awkward.

I think it's hilarious.

They're speaking to the adults around them through their children, and they think people are too thick to know it

Deafness? I'm deaf so tend to speak louder than I mean to. Not intentionally of course

I agree with you. Though I may have done it myself sometimes.
Not in a boasty way but because my children are a handful and get over excited/showy offy and sometimes won't listen to anything I say. I think if I can be seen or heard chastising them, then at least it looks like I'm trying.

I used to match it with loud 'under performance parenting'

I'd say loudly to DH, "When we get home, if Wayne hasn't fed Daisy-Mae and Nike Air that kebab from last night, I'm not giving him any more fags".

One woman spontaneously combusted on the spot

Perhaps it was the same woman that the entire veg dept in Sainsburys couldn't help but hear when she asked Joshua 7 times in about 2 minutes if they should get an aubergine. I seemed to meet her in every aisle and she was parenting loudly all the way round - felt like pointing out that if she lowered her voice, asked the question once and then gave the little chap a chance to answer she would need to ask the same fucking question over and over again.

My baby cousin is called Daisy-Mae!!

She would never lower herself down for a kebab! White lightning cider in a bottle all the way!

she really is called Daisy-Mae

I witnessed this at toddler groups a lot. A mum announcing that her son was confused by the snack because he'd never seen biscuits before.
The thing is you know which mums don't have TVs/never eat fast food etc because they will work that information into any conversation. You wonder whether it's a genuine lifestyle choice or something else going on.

Did I say Daisy-Mae? I meant errrm....errrrm...Daisy-Duke

Damn you auto correct....

Never mind the spade

Do you have a JCB handy?

Oh yea so tempting to "under performance parent"

Whilst everyone's announcing at the school gate to their kids to not forget they have tennis coaching/tuition/Latin classes that evenings I'm usually there thinking to myself "I wonder if ds has tomato sauce all over his shirt again"

One JCB at your request m'dear

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rGkseGFQLh4

I love performance parenting. It has provided me many hours of free entertainment. I may even have a little notebook in which I have jotted down a few gems.

Share them Dot - share them!!

Arrgggh! I'd forgotten all about that annoying song.

needa I love that song
worra I have done the loud bad parent thing before. It's hilarious. People don't know whether to say something or just stand there shooting you evil looks.

you are most welcome

Mwahahaha

And yes please Dot do share

I remember sitting in McDonalds and being mildly amused by the woman on the next table.

She was fussing over her kids (aged about 2 and 6) and mentioned about 3 times, that they were having Taramasalata for tea.

She then said to the toddler, "This is a one-off treat for you because I never normally take you to McDonalds, do I?"

Then the 6 year old piped up, "Why didn't we go to KFC like we normally do"?

Now that is fantastic! I bet she felt throrough shamed

Oh I love a bit of Performance Parenting. I don't really get to see much of it these days, I feel a bit wistful!

Ha ha Worra you made me chuckle out loud too.

My friend and I have Tullulah and Crispin. They used to be our children but now (due to our age) they are grandchildren. They do all sorts of things!

We used to go around the supermarket with our kids saying "Put that back"
and if they started misbehaving giving them"The Look." And telling them "Just you wait till you get out to the car." through gritted teeth. Or "Do you want to walk home?" It's about 15 miles!

Her real grandchild shouts " Brocccoli, I need broccoli!" And would rather that than a bar of chocolate. This is great fun if there is a performance parent trying to pretend her child loves veg when they clearly don't. Our kids ate everything in sight because we had them out playing football, climbing trees and making dens in the wood. Whereas Tallulah likes Fencing whilst Crispin is very keen on absailing at the moment when he isn't scuba diving!

Love that about KFC!

Ha ha! Kids always drop parents in it.