I can cope with music... I can cope with kids...but I don't need to hear your PARENTING

[Pendu]

Sitting in a cafe , following on from some other threads about peppa pig etc being played loudly in cafes ...... This wouldn't bother me but ooooo myyy goooood WHY do people need to partake in "loud parenting"???!?? !!!

I have three feral kids, I'm not judgey - I'm always "that mum" running around like a blue arsed fly and therefore I understand there is usually more than meets the eye in situations but Jesus, I don't CARE if your little marshmallow honey puff "doesn't usually do this at home" (I can only presume the parent means eating some cake or something) and frigging LOUDLY discussing with honey puff what pics of yesterday's jovial adventure to send to nanny or whatever. Your sat right next to honey puff, I don't need to hear it across the cafe ! We don't all need to hear how you've discussed the rules of behaviour before coming out, how well honey puff did yesterday .... I don't mean this person is a little loud, I mean they are literally looking around and speaking like a politician looking for some kind of medal or something.

I just can't stand this type of thing - it's about the only thing that irritates the hell out of me (so now I have to moan on MN).

I had a woman and her toddler come and sit next to me in an empty train - and I literally mean empty apart from me - and loudly read a book together while trying to make eye contact with me.

I seriously wondering if she was being held hostage and was somehow signalling for help.

So I got off at the next stop and switched carriages.

@ being held hostage.

Wise delicious if it was a log journey!

size

My friend does a fantastic line in performance parenting and her DCs are 8 and 10. I am relieved I didn't know her when they were 2 and 4 because it's nauseating.

At an outpatient appt with my mother. Next to us is a young mum with her mother who has precious grandson on her knee. Grandmother is preparing little Orlando, aged about three for his visit to the doctor. In that very calm, reasoning voice but at mega-decibels for everyone else's benefit. And keeps looking around to ensure that we are all appreciating what a wonderful, caring grannie she is.

"Now Orlando, who are we here too see?"
"We're here to see the nice doctor"
"And what will he have? He'll have a stethoscope"
"And what will the nice doctor do with the stethoscope?"
"Yes, he'll listen to your chest with it."

At this point my mother and I are looking at each other and twitching our eyebrows as dear Orlando is taking not a blind bit of notice. His mother meanwhile hasn't said a word but looks pretty fed-up. Suddenly Orlando's name is called and he kicks off big time - screaming hysterically, throwing himself about. Grannie is gallantly hanging on to him, trying to reason with him in her calm, soothing (but loud) voice. His mother jumps to her feet, snatches him up and shouts "oh for God's sake Mother!" and strides off with Orlando under her arm and caring grannie scurrying along after them.

It brightened up a long wait I can tell you.

Performance parenting doesn't work, a low hiss works best!

I have to admit to doing a bit of loud parenting when DD is being an utter terror so people don't think I'm not trying at least!

Ah, I call it display parenting. It's really tiresome. The loud bad-mummy stuff is much more fun....

And I agree, a low hiss is much more effective!

I had to suffer some loud performance parenting on the pre op ward when my DS was waiting to have his tonsils out. It was a thoroughly miserable morning as we'd had to starve DS from midnight and then wait on the ward. The child in the bed next to us had just come round from his operation and his mother was performance parenting her arse off. We had to hear little Tarquin practice his phonics so he didn't fall behind, we then had to sit through his maths lesson and the long discussion about the heating up of his lovely home made jambalaya that he's helped mummy make the day before (which didn't help my poor starving PFB!). Thank god they called DS in as she's just announced that they write going to practice his singing for the school assembly.

When DS came back, poor Tarquin was throwing up into a cardboard bowl. I did feel sorry for him, he'd obviously been feeling like crap the whole time his mother had been using the opportunity of a dozen parents trapped in one room as a way to show how amazing she was.

Ds used to love castles so we often went for a mooch about. In one, we were preceded everywhere by performance mummy and two little boys being forced fed historical facts very loudly.
In one room they were fighting each other with wooden swords and having fun and she said very loudly" Are you pretending to be ( insert name of historical figure) defending the keep against ( insert name of second historical figure) during the battle of whatnot?"
Reply? " Nah. We're Ninja turtles!".
I was helpless.

Love that demented, did she have the grace to blush?

Under performance parenting I will be doing this!
I like listening to performance parenting from afar. A mum at babygroup used to do this so I had to phase her out

demented that's brilliant.

At last, a fun thread! I'm still snorking about the confusing biscuits! 🍪

I was in a library the other week and a mum and a 3ish year old were in there. Mother was reading VERY loudly from the book, doing voices and acting bits out and putting a huge effort into the one man rendition of whatever it was. ]

I was in a library the other week and a mum and a 3ish year old were in there. Mother was reading VERY loudly from the book, doing voices and acting bits out and putting a huge effort into the one man rendition of whatever it was. ]

The child was ignoring her and playing with a toy car

My sister does this, it's quite embarrassing when I'm with her. She puts on this loud high pitched voice and looks around to make sure she's heard.

I do love my sister, despite this

I remember going on a history trip with other mums and kids. Afterwards we stopped off at one of those old fashioned sweet shops. I bought my two boys some sweets, including some bright blue sweets. I saw a little girl afterwards without any sweets so I told my boys to offer her some. The mother did a tinkly laugh and said, 'Oh she probably wouldn't know what to do with it! She'd probably just play with it - she's never had sweets.' She smiled at me patronisingly whilst I stood there like an inferior cunt when I'd only been trying to get my kids to be thoughtful and do something nice.

I am going to do under performance parenting next time the opportunity presents itself.

00100001 I think I do that one.... not - I don't really mind embarrassing myself!

I have accidentally done very loud parenting. Remember vividly a trip to tesco on a Saturday with Dd who was four and a right handful, and DS in the sling who was a few weeks old and a bit of a screamer. He was giving it full throttle bellowing, I was trying to push the trolley and she was having a strop about something and refusing to walk, doing that floppy dangling thing while I tried to carry her by one arm. Just lost my temper and loudly bellowed YOU ARE BEING A LITTLE SHIT! With a shop full of clean and smiling happy families glaring at me.

My mum does amusing loud grandparenting, me and DD were on a train with her once when she was about 8months, she was eating some of them carrot puff things. Mum said loudly at least once "isn't it funny how they look like wotsits BUT THEYRE NOT!"