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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've lost it last night with H. Am I in the wrong?

182 replies

Tatiana11235 · 25/06/2016 10:02

Hi, posting here because I'd like your harshest verdicts.
I got woken up at 2am this morning by my drunk H wailing songs at the top of his voice. He was singing about how proud he was that we're out of EU.
After listening to him for 15mins I went and asked if he could stop as I really would like to get back to sleep. He said it's his 4th July and he's being happy. As it is usually pointless arguing with him I went back to bed.
He was still at it at 3am, shouting and singing. I am ashamed to admit I lost it then Blush I told him he's a complete dick for making so much noise and keeping me awake. May I also point out we live in a block of flats so no doubt the neighbouring flats had the pleasure of listening to his performance too.
Well, shit hit the fans then. He proceeded to tell me he's celebrating this historically important event and if I, the economic immigrant, don't like it here I should piss of back to were I came from. We've been together 10 years Sad he wouldn't have it that it's not the fact that he's celebrating that's pissing me off but the fact that he's keeping me awake and half the building too.
Was IBU to be pissed off and ask him to shut the fuck up? Or is it reasonable to be make so much noise given the situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tatiana11235 · 25/06/2016 11:08

Laguna, these comments have started a couple of years ago. Not against me personally but against non-English people in general. He's become less and less tolerant over the years.

OP posts:
MadameJosephine · 25/06/2016 11:13

I'm sorry to hear that Tatiana. My ex DP seemed to transform over the last few years too into somebody who's views were so far opposed to my own. I thank my lucky stars I'm not with him anymore as I think he would have been the same after the result

HighwayDragon1 · 25/06/2016 11:13

LTRB (leave the racist bastard)

wannabetennisplayer · 25/06/2016 11:15

I think you need to LTB. Sorry. Flowers

I notice I'm not the only one wondering if Mrs Farage had started posting on mumsnet but, if he's only started with this spiel in the last couple of years, I guess not.

Creatureofthenight · 25/06/2016 11:16

Even if I thought that you were unnecessarily pissing on his parade (which I don't), him telling you to go back where you came from if you don't like it is totally out of order.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 25/06/2016 11:22

Wow, I thought he was a total shit before I got to "go home" bit. Personally I don't believe alcohol changes people, it just takes away their inhibitions. If this is really how he thinks, why would you want to stay? He sounds dreadful. YANBU and you're better off without him. For what it's worth I'm sorry there are so many people in the UK with awful, backwards views such as his. If I could vote them out I would.

JudyCoolibar · 25/06/2016 11:28

If the only way to show respect to "an Englishman" (why not a British man?) and his country is to put up with loud singing at 3 a.m. then frankly the massive majority of the country are disrespectful. I hate people who demand respect when they're being twats anyway.

Has he surfaced this morning, and is he in any way apologetic? If he's still sleeping it off, in your shoes I would be emptying a bucket of water all over him - preferably mixed in with ice cubes.

But, to be honest, his behaviour coupled with the fact that you say he's becoming less tolerant sounds to me like he's essentially a thick racist twat. Who needs one of those in their lives?

elfycat · 25/06/2016 11:30

storybrooke Flowers

But as tragic as that is in your household, the OP has just had a racist comment from her own husband, in her household, which will have shaken the core of her stability. If you need support there are other threads and other topics that might help you more.

OP you are not being unreasonable. How is he this morning? He cannot be allowed to get away with it excusing alcohol... alcohol just releases the pleasant sociable lids we keep on ourselves, it does not bring anything new in. So underneath there is an element of racism in the man, or a generally abusive twat who knows what buttons to press. Either way it's not great, and he will probably do it again.

I'm being unpleasantly surprised by a few people, who now the vote is done are beginning to slip derogatory terms in about 'them' vs 'us'.

Foslady · 25/06/2016 11:32

And it's people like him that make my blood boil. Honestly, I'd go, those comments just show deep down what a total lack of respect he has for you.

Letmehaveausername · 25/06/2016 11:34

I was all for a leave vote and I still think what he's said is absolutely disgusting Angry

This nation was built on immigration, it was immigrants that helped us rebuild after the wars, it was immigrants that helped us back on our feet, immigrants who have brought diversity and new cultures, new ways of life. They're every bit as part of this nation as the white British born here.

A leave vote should never have come down to immigration. Immigration isn't going to dramatically change when we eventually leave the EU.

Angry Hope you're ok OP, you are certainly more than welcome here in my eyes. Ignore the fuckwits. And seriously consider LTB if that's the way he treats you! Flowers

DeathStare · 25/06/2016 11:36

Yabu. My dh found a dead friend yesterday and really puts things into perspective. Let him be happy whilst he has the chance.

Storybrooke - I'm sorry for your loss and the trauma your DH must be going through, I really am Flowers

However that doesn't alter the fact that the OP has been treated in a nasty and disrespectful way by her DH.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 25/06/2016 11:42

Storybrooke whilst I'm sorry for your loss, it doesn't change the fact that the OP's husband was an arse, and really isn't a set of circumstances you can compare. One horrific thing does not stop other nasty things being difficult.

OP - it's been bad enough hearing people shouting things like that in the street, and sadly that's where we seem to be at right now. But for your own husband to say it? He's demonstrated how he really thinks and feels about you - he considers you lower than him, "an Englishman". Don't accept it, don't write it off to booze. You deserve better than this.

MeMySonAndl · 25/06/2016 11:46

if he has become less tolerant over the years, give it a few years and he will be claiming this relationship doesn't work, not because he is an arse, but because you wanted a British passport. Hmm

Capricorn76 · 25/06/2016 11:47

This result has emboldened quite a few closet racists who have resented having to be PC since the 90s and have been itching for the opportunity to scream 'Paki' again. Unfortunately you are married to one of them. Get your residency then get rid of him.

trafalgargal · 25/06/2016 11:47

To be fair though last night just brought things to a head. He has shown his true backward attitude for a couple of years and you've ignored it . Last night he got drunk and revealed just how deep those backward attitudes go. It has nothing to do with the referendum -and the same drunken outburst could have come out anytime he let his inhibitions out.

For some people drink brings out a really nasty streak and they do say things they'd never say sober and are genuinely horrified the next morning when confronted - others it is a loosening of inhibitions and they really do think that way - Only by talking to him will you find out which he is - (if you don't deep down already know) and decide what you do next.

Capricorn76 · 25/06/2016 11:48

In a way I'm glad I'm seeing the true colours of some people.

BeckyMcDonald · 25/06/2016 11:52

So basically, you're an immigrant and you're married to a racist?

Its not going to end well, really, is it?

I'd stage my own Brexit if I were you. Straight out of your marriage.

Flowers
OhAndIPaintMyselfBlue · 25/06/2016 11:55

LTB.

Original poster
Tatiana11235 · 25/06/2016 12:00

When I left this morning to take our DD to her class he was still asleep. I would be very surprised if he has as much as considered an apology. I don't think it would make much difference if he did tbh. Some words just cannot be taken back imo. Or is that too harsh?

OP posts:
Rubberduck2 · 25/06/2016 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letmehaveausername · 25/06/2016 12:05

No it's not too harsh, you have every right not to be spoken to in that way in your own home. Not only that, the damage it could do to your dd in terms of how she views people born in other countries could be bad.

You deserve someone who loves and supports you, who won't become a bastard towards you when told to stop being an antisocial cunt. I would never forgive something like that in your position

IAmNotAMindReader · 25/06/2016 12:05

No, you are not too harsh. He has revealed his backwards attitude really does extend to you and all those things he said about those other immigrants are what he thinks of you.

Ginkypig · 25/06/2016 12:09

Wether I agree with him is besides the point. He can be as happy as he wants about the result as is his right in this country, he was taking the piss shouting in the middle of the night though but

If he had said that to me it would be over.
it would fundamentally change how I saw him .
He has erased every last thing he's ever done by what he has said and if it were me I'd never be able to see him as anything other than the racist who deep down hates me.

MeMySonAndl · 25/06/2016 12:10

Too harsh??? Has he already convinced you you are worth less than him because you are not British?

In my country there's a saying "Drunk people tell what they really think". Which is true, no inhibitions, not PC, just his thoughts.

You can brush this under the carpet it better to take it out in the open now, better to cut it in the bud.

Gabilan · 25/06/2016 12:27

He said that by not liking him celebrating I am moaning about the country and am welcome to fuck off

I wouldn't want him singing about anything about 3am. He should respect people who want to sleep. He should also have respect for the 48% of people who didn't want this. Not to mention the 16-18 year olds who will have to live with this who would have voted in. It's not my July 4. It feels more like June 28th and the shooting of Franz Ferdinand, and I'm no less British for saying that.

But in or out, whatever his reasons, he's racist. Sorry OP. I wouldn't be able to forgive this.

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