to fly home with 1 child

[waitingforsomething]

Dd is 3.7. Ds is about to turn 1. I'm living abroad and although had no plans to return to the UK yet, am feeling homesick so am going to book a flight home for me and DD for around 10 days. The flight is very very long and involves being quite jetlagged. Dh can't come because he is working so the plan was to go with dd so we can see friends and grandparents. ds will be looked after by dh weekends, overnight and Morning and evening and our nanny will look after him during week days.
The reason for this is because flying so far with 2 on my own is really hard when he's so little and the jetlag is extra tough on him. My pils have gone bananas over this saying I am awful to leave him for 10/11 days, he will miss me and it's not fair. I think it's less fair to take him- he doesn't really mind where he is as long as he's happy and he will be with his own dad.
Aibu? Should I take both?

TBH I would leave both behind and have a relaxing holiday!

You're doing theverything right thing. You're lucky to have a nanny and it would
I'll email enquiry be lovely for DHL. You're married after all, not chained up!

Last poster had a very good point- leave the two!,

Can any person on this thread remember if they were left in the care of someone who they knew very very well, for a couple of weeks when they were a year old...

I'm guessing not.

Yanbu op, your youngest would not remember if you left him for a fortnight or if you took him. He will be fine. Your eldest will enjoy the one to one time and will remember it.

If you, dd, dh and nanny are all happy with the plan then please don't look for problems where there are none. Ds will be fine, he gets the nanny and dh to himself for 10 days! Lucky little man! Go before he is old enough to object!!

Anyone who criticises you just doesn't get it xx

I think that a lot of this is inverted snobbery. If you had said you were leaving with DH and Grandma I don't think there would have been as much of an issue. I'm sorry but it's not going to cause trauma. If DH is in agreement then I would not think twice.

Wow, I'm baffled at some replies. I have a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old. Up to very recently, I was terrified of taking them out on my own. Until I attached a platform to the baby pram for eldest to step on, I would refuse to walk them both to nursery on my own. I can understand the anxiety. I felt like going crazy sometimes when I'm on my own, I love them to bits, I'll have them all over but being on your own is difficult, at least for a year or two. I believe when one is 4+ it's easier.

That said, your DS will be fine, people are not questioning how your DH will cope without DD, so why questioning you? I wouldn't leave him behind because I'm not used to be away, I had to go to a conference once and sleeping away for a day was a trauma. However, you gave a nanny and that's different. I think it would do your DH good to spend time alone with DS and it would do you good to spend time alone with DD, specially since she might kiss 1:1 time since baby was born. I think it's reasonable to not want to put him in that position, he'd be crying and not being able to sleep at night for quite a while, then back again and all over. You don't mention the weather either, but if it's a hot country, he'd probably be confier in the UK. If I had someone I trusted to help my DH look after my DS, I would do it.

mymurphy even better idea ...

Really onsera? I'm an expat too and fly a lot (luckily we tend to have to do 7-10 hours not realong haul). The worst times were when each kid was about 1. Old enough to need more amusing that just lying on you and sleeping and wanting to walk around but too young to be amused for any period by IFE or anything you bring with you. At nearly 4 both of mind were pretty easy - they'd just plug in for the flight. They're now 5 and 6 and it's fairly low stress.

All kids are different of course but I'm just surprised as pretty much everyone else I've spoken to gas said the same - the period from around 9/10 to 18 months is he'll for travelling!

Not that this is what OP is concerned about. OP, there's nothing wrong with your plan except I agree with the others on the homesick point - it is really likely to make it worse. If you feel you can possibly brazen it out I would really try but I know how hard it can be.

FWIW - I have a nanny/housemaid. The fact that she isn't a 'trained' nanny wouldn't be a factor in whether I'd do this - it's about the individual and how much you trust that person. Maybe I should be worrying whether my husband has a first aid certificate?

I expect someone has asked this, but is there any chance you could take both kids and the nanny with you, as an extra hand?

We live eight time zones away from family and for a while travelled back once a year. One of my sons used to get bad jet lag and he had medication from the doctor to help him sleep on the plane and at his destination and it worked great. The other son got regular jet lag and didn't have medication and suffered mildly like the rest of us. They both travelled when young and it did them no harm and I believe helped them make stronger family bonds with grandparents etc.

That being said, I don't think your son will come to any harm in ten days with two habitual carers there for him.

I lived in Asia and this was a really common thing to do, leave a child with a nanny and a working dad and head off to the uk, USA or Australia for a break with a little one. Will your ds be spoiled while you're away? Of course he will. Will he enjoy 1:1 time with his dad? Definitely. Will he miss you? Yes he will but he won't remember it a month down the line. My dh traveled 60% of the time when my dds were small, they don't remember that at all. You work anyway so he will have a great bond with nanny, surprised you are asking tbh and even more surprised as the responses from posters who have no inkling of your situation.

Book your tickets, you'll all be fine.

It's probably a generation thing. I think it makes absolute sense for DS to stay with daddy and your nanny. Flying can be so stressful for little ones. You and your DH know your DCs better than anyone, so please try not to feel guilted by PILs. What a lovely opportunity for you and DD to have mummy and daughter time and for your DH and DS to have all that Daddy and son bonding time. Have a wonderful trip!!

Oh my so many comments of 'I never left/ would never leave my DC'!
The question was never about coping on the plane or whilst away with two children (big well domes to all those who can't understand why people have more than one child of they can't cope- it's not always a question of coping when there are options- we can all 'cope' but given the choice we may opt not to take all children for various reasons sometimes selfish and sometimes for the child's best interests -which is the point here).
The main point is jet lag. How enjoyable would the trip be for Waitigforsomething and her DD if DS is cranky for the whole trip and again once back home?
Each child will be cared for by its parent and the nanny (as per usual, not a new nanny just for the trip). DS will never remember the trip but DD will.
The only point made is that DD may miss DS and vv (obviously parents will miss each child and DC miss other parent too).
Nosy comments re finances and qualifications of nanny (who you entrust 8-6 ish daily whether you are in the country or not so what's the point in questioning their credentials for whilst you're away I am not sure).
Book it with just you and DD and enjoy it!

Not sure if this has been suggested but if they're that bothered they could always fly over to do the flights with you not them that's going to have to deal with two children on a long haul flight otherwise is it. When it is you having to do that, it's none of their business, especially if your son is hardly being deserted is he.

Jedimum - thanks for your honesty. I feel the same way. Logistically, it can be challenging and it is tough to have more than one very young child in your sole care. Stuff what others say.

Op - go with your Dd and enjoy. No way would I travel on my own with two young children if I didn't have to. If you are fine with it, then it is fine.

They wouldn't be saying this if it was his dad leaving him. Yanbu in the slightest.