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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fly home with 1 child

141 replies

waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 07:25

Dd is 3.7. Ds is about to turn 1. I'm living abroad and although had no plans to return to the UK yet, am feeling homesick so am going to book a flight home for me and DD for around 10 days. The flight is very very long and involves being quite jetlagged. Dh can't come because he is working so the plan was to go with dd so we can see friends and grandparents. ds will be looked after by dh weekends, overnight and Morning and evening and our nanny will look after him during week days.
The reason for this is because flying so far with 2 on my own is really hard when he's so little and the jetlag is extra tough on him. My pils have gone bananas over this saying I am awful to leave him for 10/11 days, he will miss me and it's not fair. I think it's less fair to take him- he doesn't really mind where he is as long as he's happy and he will be with his own dad.
Aibu? Should I take both?

OP posts:
Original poster
waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 09:11

Sarah jane she's a nanny. Qualified and everything, although not sure why you're asking. The thread isn't about the nanny- they have a nice bond.

It is less about 'can't be bothered' on the flight and more about the jetlag.When we got here he had jetlag for a week and was very tired and upset, I feel bad to put him through that for a 10 day trip at both ends.

I can't afford to take the nanny too and my mum who I would stay with has not got another spare room for her. Or it would be a good idea.

OP posts:
FarAwayHills · 23/06/2016 09:11

If you are happy with your decision don't worry about what others think. A 1 year old is hard work on a flight at the best of times, even worse if they don't have a seat and with 2 kids that's a whole other ball game.

I've travelled a lot on my own with my DCs since they were babies but this was short hall and it's pretty stressful, especially if there are long queues at the airport and delays etc. The only positive thing I can offer is that other passengers and airline staff were quick to spot I was on my own and everyone was really kind offering help with bags and kids when I needed a spare pair of handsGrin

TheWordOfBagheera · 23/06/2016 09:11

If he normally spent all day every day with you I'd imagine that he might find it traumatic to suddenly have 10 days apart,

But you already have a nanny so I'm guessing he's comfortable being apart from you for periods of time. He has two of the three people he gets comfort from, you and your DH are both ok with it - none of PIL business!

monkeywithacowface · 23/06/2016 09:15

It's fine. It's only 10 days and the nanny and your dh will manage just fine. It will be nice for your dd to have some 1:1 time with you.

cestlavielife · 23/06/2016 09:17

Of course it is fine.
Baby will be fine.

GDarling · 23/06/2016 09:19

Take son and Nanny too. To think that if you had your nanny with you, you could socialise with family and friends, your family want to see both children, I would be so very sad if (I had) my grandchildren lived so far away and I only saw one, they grow up so fast, October is another 4 months away. It might be easier for you just to take one child, but when you get there I think you might be sorry/guilty that you left one behind.

Original poster
waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 09:20

The nanny is not an option. I don't have room for her at the other end

OP posts:
fourkids · 23/06/2016 09:22

'The only difficulty is two under two as they need to be on you lap for take off and landing'

...I always booked seats for them when they were toddlers rather than saving money but having them on my knee all the way, and took car seats (quite a long time ago as they are teenagers now). Also, it's safer in the event of an emergency apparently.

NickiFury · 23/06/2016 09:22

I am sorry but I just do not understand people who cannot cope with their own two children. Just get on with it. They're your children, you had them, learn to care for them en masse. Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic but I am baffled by the angst over it.

fourkids · 23/06/2016 09:24

oops didn't mean to post so soon..

I wouldn't leave one of my DCs for 10 days (first time that happened was when the first went to uni), but I can't see any reason why you shouldn't do so if that's your choice. I think he should be perfectly well looked after by nanny and dad.

Original poster
waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 09:25

I can cope with two children, there are many occasions when I do so. I was just trying to save him the discomfort of jet lag x2 and a boring flight where he's boxed in for 14 hours with nowhere comfortable to sleep and then an 8 hour time difference to contend with. I thought he would be okay with his other parent and his nanny and his home comforts.
I'll have a re-Think.

OP posts:
GDarling · 23/06/2016 09:26

Then enjoy the mummy / daughter time together, baby son will be fine, the time will fly.
My DS was 3 when I left him to have our 2week adult holiday, he was fine but didn't like me for a few hours when I returned :(

feesh · 23/06/2016 09:28

You can't take overseas nannies to the UK anyway as the visa process is very difficult to get through.

I don't think you should feel guilty about having a little break with just one child - it will be lovely to spend 1-1 time with her.

But equally, don't fear the flight too much - I regularly travel with twins and it's never as bad as you expect it to be. And it's only one day in your life

Elvisrocks · 23/06/2016 09:28

I think your plan sounds fine.

PurpleDaisies · 23/06/2016 09:29

I'll have a re-Think.

Why? Confused Most posters have said they agree with you?

purplefox · 23/06/2016 09:29

I am sorry but I just do not understand people who cannot cope with their own two children. Just get on with it. They're your children, you had them, learn to care for them en masse. Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic but I am baffled by the angst over it.

This. If you can only cope with one child on your own only have one child? What would you do if you and your DH separated? Constantly leave one child behind?

KittyLaRoux · 23/06/2016 09:29

Why have a re-think OP.
Your reasons are perfectly fine. You dont need to cause your child discomfirt and stress so why should you?
I wonder why parents would cause their dc such stress and discomfort if they didnt have to Hmm

Original poster
waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 09:32

I'm not sure why this has led to some posters attacking me for not being able to look after my children at the same time! I can and do. I just thought he would be uncomfortable and unhappy and jetlagged and when there's another option that is more comfortable for him I considered it a better one.
I will re-Thimk because I now feel guilty. I may not go at all, it was just a thought

OP posts:
Original poster
waitingforsomething · 23/06/2016 09:34

If me and my husband separated fox I would take both obviously. But we are together therefore this more comfortable and less stressful option exists.

OP posts:
Artandco · 23/06/2016 09:34

Four - even with a car seat and own seat on plane, a child under 2 has to be taken out and on lap for take off and landing. We always booked them own seats from newborn for space, but they can't use when seatbelt sign is on

ninja · 23/06/2016 09:36

SarahJane are you a qualified mummy with a first aid certificate?

Nicki she's not saying that she can't look after both kids just that she's thinking about the best interests of her children.

Waiting I think your plan is extremely sensible, your DD will love having some one to one time, your DS will be safe in familiar surroundings with a parent (and lets face it there are plenty of kids cared for by one parent and childcare) and you'll have a nice break.

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 23/06/2016 09:37

I would go with your own feelings. If it was your DH planning this the ones criticising you would be saying 'oh wow he's taking DD with him, what a star' Both my two have bonded as closely with my DH as with me, so I would have no trouble doing the same as you, especially with a well-loved nanny in the picture too.

NickiFury · 23/06/2016 09:38

10 days goes a long way to building family bonds when presumably family don't see your kids very often. I would take the baby and wouldn't have thought twice about it to be honest.

NickiFury · 23/06/2016 09:39

f it was your DH planning this the ones criticising you would be saying 'oh wow he's taking DD with him, what a star'

I most certainly would not.

fourkids · 23/06/2016 09:45

'Four - even with a car seat and own seat on plane, a child under 2 has to be taken out and on lap for take off and landing. We always booked them own seats from newborn for space, but they can't use when seatbelt sign is on'

oh interesting, in which case different airlines have different rules or the rules have changed over the last fifteenish years (or both). I always did this - meant I could travel with multiple DCs safely and in comfort.

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