Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

The word 'bent' was used first by your DS. The teachers has just ran with it in a common phrase. Seems unlikely the teacher was being homophobic.

Have you found out what the teacher might have suspected DS was doing with the measuring tape. I wouldn't just take your DS's word for it.

Not appropriate. Sounds like a bullying PE teacher who with outdated views on what he can say to kids.

I cannot believe the number of people who think he meant your son was bent over or dodgy, that makes no sense given the context.

He meant gay.
Bent means gay or dodgy round here.
My 18 year old agrees he meant gay.
Teachers aren't perfect. Some times they engage mouth before brain. Hopefully, the teacher had a mental "face/palm" moment after saying it.
It was a horrible thing to say, but I expect you won't get any where if you complain.

Ffs, people on here really do want teachers to be robots, don't they?

Op, it sounds like a spur of the moment joke, which the teacher meant no harm by. Honestly, if you complain, you'll be doing your boy more damage in the long run.

Dumb no. I want them to be kind.

That's not much to ask. In fact, anyone who asks LESS than that is probably of the same mold as the teacher in question.

ie. not someone I'd like my kids around...or ANY kids.

Have only read first page but yes to bent down (as in bending over)

Your DS used the word bent (meaning not straight) first, to describe the tape. The teacher reflected it back meaning 'the only not straight thing is you' (because DS was bending over to adjust it).

I don't think it is anything to do with being gay.

Sound like a massive overreacting , it doesn't read as if he was calling your ds gay at all. It reads like banter ie your ds was bent over a play on words.

How would she being doing her boy damage, exactly? Are you suggesting you think the teacher would be vindictive?

If so, I think you have nastier expectations of teachers than anyone else on that thread, don't you?

it wasn't a spur if the moment joke, it was a snide comment. It should be possible to get through the day without making them.

Why on earth would people automatically assume a teacher would make a homophobic remark?

Because a minority of teachers can be bullies, or just thoughtless. Plus this teacher is a PE teacher, which increases the likelihood of them being an arsehole massively.

Remembers a PE teacher in the late 90s telling an injured lad to 'stop being such a pansy and get up', just before he saw the spreading bloodstain and called an ambulance....

It could be that the teacher meant it innocently, but my first reaction was that it sounded like a homophobic insult.

Where I'm from bent means gay and that's how I read it.

It doesn't really matter if the teacher was 'joking', the fact is he upset your DS and he should know better, especially as you've stated that your DS has aspergers and has had a meltdown in class before. Why would the teacher want to provoke him? Sounds like bullying to me.

Definitely report.

I think it was an off the cuff immediate retort with little meaning in it. (I've worked as a teacher and TA so know that teachers are only human!)

So I'd leave it even though I would be upset too if I thought it was an anti gay comment.

You are over reacting , its a pretty comment retort i.e only thing thats ( insert whatever word was said ) is you .
The fact that your first thought was that the teacher was implying your son was gay , probably says more about you then anything else .
I really fear for the up coming generation when it comes to work , and parents kicking off at employers ...........We already experience it to some extent in our workplace now

That was not my first thought (though round her bent means gay). That was ds's first thought (his text even said by the way mum bent means gay in case I didn't know!

And not that it's relevant I've coached children out of school in the past & I now work in payroll/HR

I would agree that the teacher was making a (jokey) insult that was not appropriate.

But I think the insult intended was

you are trying to fix the results

not

you are gay

because it fits the context much better.

"Sound like a massive overreacting , it doesn't read as if he was calling your ds gay at all. It reads like banter ie your ds was bent over a play on words."

So unlikely. Seeing he said bent and not bent over. Plus the slang of the area has bent as gay.

The point is that this child has ASD and has been the victim of bullying.

Teachers should know when this kind of 'banter' is inappropriate.

I'm rather agog at all the posters falling over themselves to explain the comment away and accuse the OP of overreacting.

The formula 'the only ... thing round here is ...' is usually derogatory. That alone rings alarm bells. And I can't imagine 'bent' in that kind of context being used in a non-derogatory way, be it homophobic or not. It really is a bit of a leap to suggest the teacher meant 'bent down'. Why make the comment, if that was the case?

OP, I'd be approaching school with this.

I think in the context you've described, it was inappropriate and probably intended to be an insult. I'm usually a default defender of teachers but there are idiots in every profession and I have to be honest, the male PE teachers I have known over the years haven't on the whole been shining beacons of 'good teacher-ness'. This sounds like the kind of stupid quip one of our Neanderthal PE teachers would have said back in the day, only then it was much easier to get away with it. And yes, where I grew up and also where I live now 'bent' would have been a derogatory comment about someone's sexuality.

They will deny everything, but I think it is still worth an email to your son's year head or Principal. I hope you get him moved soon

I still think that the teacher should be aware that the OP's DS has ASD traits and is likely to take anything said to him literally, so a "jokey" back-comment is likely to be taken seriously, not as "banter". Assuming that's even what it was.

So I still think it would be appropriate for the OP to have a word, not in an aggressive way, but just an "so you're aware" sort of way - if the teacher meant no harm at all, then he should be happy to be made aware that his behaviour/response isn't appropriate for this particular pupil and not do it again.

YY. 'Banter' is, IMO, something teenage boys get up to (gender terminology used advisedly). I wouldn't be pleased if anyone thought I was 'bantering' with my students - it'd indicate I was being inappropriate.

Also, if I upset someone I was teaching, even if I knew full well it was totally innocent, and they'd misunderstood me by a country mile, I'd still want to know.

I think if your DS has ASD it's likely he would take a word more literally ie. he's heard that bent means gay so is hearing it that way.

But this may well be a more subtle and common play on words and maybe, if you read it like that yourself, you could help him see that words can sometimes mean more than one thing?

Hoping to help x

I thought bent over too. I very much doubt a teacher would say that.

To me it sounds like it was meant as an insult. Whatever he actually meant by 'bent' the phrase 'the only one ..... round here is you' is generally used in a negative way.

Probably just meant as banter but still not appropriate IMO.