Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

I would still complain to the school. Whatever the intended meaning, it was disrespectful language and was interpreted as such by ds.

At best it was unkind, at worst homophobic bullying by a teacher.

Well I guess that's literal its allgoing but it doesn't make any sense.

My Grandad was Cockney, so I tend to think of Bent, meaning 'taking a bribe' etc. The saying "as bent as a ten Bob note", is a saying I hear regularly from older people, even here in Liverpool.

But it does have a literal meaning, which your DS would be exhibiting, if he was, Bending over.

I wouldn't necessarily complain about that particular incident, the use of bent to mean gay in that situation doesn't really make sense unless there was some previous reference to to your DS being gay, it would be a bit random imo.

Have there been any other incidents of the teacher being homophobic?

And calling someone bent/gay/queer isn't in itself homophobic is it?

The teacher could have said something like 'there is no need to do that' or 'don't worry about the tape'. He didn't. He made a personal comment about a child.

I think he meant exactly what you think. When my now 26 yr old son was at school the P.E. teacher used to call him "gay boy". Teachers aren't always beyond reproach.

The thing is Ds struggles socially & has in the past got into trouble for saying things he has heard in other contexts for example classmates swearing or using derogatory phrases.

He mimics in social situations & so is likely to say the same thing to someone else if we play it down wheras at the moment we have drummed into him that making derogatory comments about someone's sexuality is wrong.

I also think you (and your son) have made a massive assumption (in my view, obviously don't know the background) and may actually have been to do with the long jump. Don't you have to be completely straight / stretched out as part of the process of jumping (getting a longer jump). I'd assume that he was either referring to your DS being crouched down at the time of the comment, or that it was a jokey comment about your DS' jumping technique.

calling someone bent/gay/queer isn't in itself homophobic is it?

Well, it would be if they aren't. And obviously meant as an insult.

Hmm, lot's of people making excuses here. The teacher has basically called you son a derogatory word for gay. I wouldn't kick off as such, but I would want it noted. Stupid man.

It's probably the least of our problems.

Various things are making me think they actually want him to have another meltdown so they can find an excuse to get rid of him (we are on wIting list for another school)

I think he meant the same as It'sAllGoing.

Your son was not doing what he was supposed to be doing. He was bent over straightening a long-jump tape which presumably the teacher had set up and felt was adequate. The teacher asks what he is doing, he replies the tape was bent, the teacher responds that the only bent thing is your son - who is bent over, fixing a tape that did not require fixing.

I don't think the homophobic view would have occurred to me in this scenario.

He meant gay. Clearly. Why would you say to someone that they are bent over? That's a bizarre interpretation!

Anyway the head can tell you what s/he thinks he meant when you report it. I would definitely want to know if my staff were speaking to students like this.

Of COURSE that wanker of a teacher meant gay. All this talk of "dodgy" etc is stupid.

Complain. He sounds like he belongs in the 1970s when the arseholes could get away with this sort of thing. They can't anymore! And to say that to a child with traits of ASD! What a cock!

And calling someone bent/gay/queer isn't in itself homophobic is it?

Yes. Yes it is.

May have meant broken, crooked or wrong in this context. I seriously doubt a teacher would randomly call your son gay!! Its not funny but probably just said on the spur of the moment to mean wrong rather than an actual dig at sexuality.

Anchor where does the OP say her son was "bent down" and even if he WAS, why would the teacher say that? It's just weird! And of course...he meant gay. Not bending down!

In the particular context is assume he was referring to him bring bent over or was implying that he was cheating by seeking to move the tape.

I'm all for calling out homophobic behaviour but in this case even if the teacher meant gay then it would be very easy to claim if challenged it was one of the two explanations above.

I mean has this teacher ever said anything like this before? is there anything else to indicate that he would have been making a sexual slur??

Those of you talking about the tape - aspie kids would not be able to cope with a tape (or anything) out of alignment everything has to be perfectly lined up. I don't even know yet if ds was taking part in that particular event.

It can also mean corrupt or dishonest (eg bent copper) but that doesn't matter. The teacher's comment was out of order, regardless of what they meant by it.

Agree with aginghippy. Doesn't really matter what he meant by the word bent - it was still an unnecessary, personal remark to your son.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to contact the teacher (cc form tutor) and ask for an explanation of the comment. Whether he was referring to your son as gay or dishonest it is intended as an insult and teachers shouldn't be insulting their pupils. As for the "well he was bent over" comments, really....if that was a "joke" then it's a really bad one which could clearly be misinterpreted and the teacher needs some advice on appropriate classroom "banter".

Clacks either way, calling him "bent" is not acceptable. It's more widely used as a homophobic insult these days. And anyone who doesn't know that has a problem.

He can be perceived as a bit of a cry baby/drama queen if he's hurt at all (sensory issues).