Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

You obviously haven't been in some of the schools dh used to work in when we lived in a different area.

He's heard teachers say all sorts (racist, homophobic you name it) not usually directly to the child but it happens.

Juggling not ALL people with ASD take words literally and either way the teacher shouldn;t be calling kids bent.

EVERYONE....especially a teacher in a secondary school, knows what bent means.

As above "bent police officer" as in dodgy.

Banter is exchanging lighthearted insults.

One way 'banter' is being insulting; those that label it banter in this context are usually unpleasant.

90% of asd/ aspergers kids are bullied. Perhaps this could be something MN could campaign to eradicate?!

It usually means dodge, e.g. 'Bent as a nine bob note'. I'd strongly suspect the teacher made the remark off the cuff and must have realised it didn't make much sense. Unless... that teacher has form for saying inappropriate things or not understanding your son's condition.

If the teacher has form definitely go in and talk about it. I'd give context too, that your son is looking to impress and is keen to understand what the comment actually meant. Hopefully the teacher will be suitably mortified and more understanding in future.

Seems to me that you are trying your hardest, for whatever reason,to convince us and yourself that the teacher was making a homophobic slur. You have no proof as to what was meant and I would advise you to be very careful if you intend to make a formal complaint.

Very simple.
Write to the head CC the governors with a formal complaint.
Let the teacher try and justify that remark to them.
Completely unacceptable. Had I made that comment to a child when I worked in a high school I'd have expected to get fired.

I just asked my 15 year old and he said "Jesus Christ, that's outrageous! Report him"

And I've just read a few responses out to him and he said "Bullshit!"

Doesn't mince his words your son!

So you make a huge fuss and complain to the HT. The teacher says I meant bent over. Which is what I think he meant anyway. End of complaint.

You'll have egg on your face.

Nope! But he is a peer mentor and has had lots of training about bullying and acceptable language. He is also a football referee and has just come back into the room to say that he would expect to be suspended if he said anything like that while in an "official" capacity with younger children.

He sounds like a lad to be proud of Bert.

I don't think it matters what it meant. I think it meant 'dodgy/corrupt/cheating', but it's irrelevant. DD2 has some Aspergers traits and her teacher made a clearly off-the-cuff comment ('thanks girls, because of you I've missed my break'). I went to see the HT, not because I was angry, but because I needed the school to know that DD2 cannot read between the lines, filter out frustrated tones, or discard such comments. She will take them literally and seriously. In DD2's case, it wasn't her fault that the teacher chose to keep her in at break time because she hadn't understood her maths. It was her teacher's choice.

So I think you should go to the school and say 'This is what was said, DS thinks the inference was that he is gay, but even if it wasn't, he can't deal with metaphors and will take them literally. Could you be more careful with your choice of words because he has been quite distressed about it.'

My 15 year old said teacher means gay rather than the crooked measuring tape was going to help his friends get a great distance. (Cheat)

"Today 16:36 trafalgargal

Very simple.
Write to the head CC the governors with a formal complaint.
Let the teacher try and justify that remark to them."

Please don't. As a chair of governors, I'd have to politely redirect you to the complaints policy, which will show that governors should only be involved if you haven't been able to resolve your complaint with the school.

Why do some people assume that "talk to the school" means "go DEFCON 2 on their arses"?

The OP didn't even say she was going to talk to the school, just that she didn't think this was on to say this to her DS.

There are ways to mention things without going in all guns blazing.

If this subject means a lot to your soen anyway I imagine it would be good to go and chat to the teacher generally about your son's ASD. Whichever way you look at it that comment was either inappropriate or just a silly, regrettable, slip of the tongue requiring an instant explanation and apology.

I would say 'bent' used that way has strong homophobic connotations and you should raise it with the school. Not acceptable for kids to be hearing - or anyone.

Some of you lot are unreal in your efforts to be liberal and right on.

At best the teacher used poor word choice at worst they were bullying the child. Let the SMT decide which rather than people who claim they've "never heard bent used as a term to mean gay" What utter bollocks.

Op, your snarky remarks about another posters son are uncalled for

The teacher will have to tie himself in knots to explain himself out of using a term commonly used in a homophobic way to a student who is already targeted by students and PE teachers. DEf stand up for your son. THe teacher will be forced to pull up his socks. Also raise that he is ignoring the laughing at your son in his class and ask what he can do about that without making it worse.

Kate - what on earth do you mean?

Lougle not doing yourself much good there (you do presumably understand the purpose of a CC). Not all boards of governors work on the jobsworth method, some are genuinely invested in the schools and not just their stipend.