Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

He might have meant 'wonky' but either way, name calling isn't acceptable.

Secondary school teachers are always, and I mean ALWAYS au fait with teenage slang. They have heard it all.

If the teacher had known that "bent" could possibly be interpreted as a derogatory term for a gay person, he should not have said it.

And the teacher would definitely have known. A PE Teacher would definitely have known x 1000

It's nothing to do with "not slagging off teachers".

It's all to do with some bizarre agenda some people have where people are "touchy" or "over sensitive" or " over thinking" if they query anything anyone says that's sexist, homophobic or racist. I just don't understand why they do it!

My dh is a teacher. We are not the type to go randomly critisising teachers for every little thing - they are human after all. But there's seems to be a culture in this school we are not comfortable with.

That's an appalling thing for a teacher to say. Report it, YA definitely NBU

My first reaction was the same as Butteredparsnips in that it was referring to his disability rather than anything else

He meant gay, I would be very unhappy with that. Of course it wasn't a literal meaning ffs.

Balletgirl, is there any way to speed up transfer process to different school eg. getting a statement?

I agree that it was more likely referring to his 'oddness' which is possibly even more out of line. I guess the PE teacher has a choice as to whether he was calling a 12yo gay, or weird because they have asd. Neither acceptable.

Camhs have no appointments for the foreseeable future. The school we want is full. The alternative school is very very religious & Ds has a but if a thing against religion.
He's in private at the moment & so we can't get a statement until we are in the state sector.

I would have thought it was a light- hearted way to say 'crooked'.

That's how we've used it (east end)

Sorry your boy is having a tough time op.

The context was banter gone too far. It's PE. He meant gay.

As a secondary school teacher I'm 100% with BalloonSlayer on this.

I think it's likely that the teacher either meant your son was gay, or that he was "broken" (as in bent out of shape).

But I don't think that the teacher's exact meaning is all that relevant - what does matter is that there was no need to say it at all, and no need to make any kind of remark that could be seen as derogatory in whatever way it was taken.

So yes, I would still take it up with the school because what your DS certainly doesn't need is any level of bullying by the teacher as well, including snarky comments.

Not familiar with the term being associated with being gay. I've used the expression bent out of shape, similar to having nickers in a knot, or getting fussed about nothing.

Not sure if this has been mentioned as I skim read but I'm ASD and "bent" has been used to insinuate "backwards"/"mentally ill" before.

As in he may have been saying he was "broken" or "odd". Especially if the teacher isn't aware of a formal diagnosis he could be saying his desire to straighten the line (which I would also definitely have to do) is "weird" and "not normal".

I put words in quotations because that's from the teachers point of view definitely not mine. In whatever terms he meant it I don't think it was acceptable in the slightest, I don't think the school is taking his condition seriously by the sounds of things in general.

I definately think its a regional thing

I'm not going to tell Ds it could be referring to his "weirdness" thst will upset him too much I think.

It wouldn't have occurred to me he meant 'gay', although I am familiar with that meaning. I would have thought he meant dodgy, too.

But it's clearly intended to be rude, and that's not really on - joking is fine, but this clearly upset your DS and the teacher presumably knows he's having a rough time, so shouldn't encourage this sort of thing by example.

I also think if you're teaching someone who may have ASD it's surely good practice to make sure your language is very clear, because many people with ASD find figurative language a bit tricky.

I'd be narked enough to check with school - even if you just say you're not sure what was intended but your DS has heard the term used to mean 'gay' and as upset. That was, if the teacher is half decent, even if they didn't at all mean it that way, they will be able to apologise and clear the air.

In London, bent can mean crooked, as in a minor criminal.

Where I'm from, bent would very likely mean 'gay' (especially in the context given). You don't call someone 'bent' unless you mean it in a vulgar way.

It is the sort of thing that would have been said when I was at school. He meant gay. Even said as 'banter' with older lads it would not be seen as OK now.

Merry - a friend sent me a link with regards to getting a statement but it all seems to rely on the school getting LA assessments etc which his current school say they can't do.

(Btw, I am both a teacher - HE, not school, but I think the slang is the same - and a lesbian, so I am not convinced that all teachers would know 'bent' means 'gay', nor do I think that anyone on this thread who claims they wouldn't have thought that meaning, must be lying.)

Whatever the teacher meant, and I think it was said in a homophobic way but that's just my opinion, it was nasty and uncalled for. Your son was only trying to be helpful. What a poor excuse for a role model to the other children that teacher is.

Go with your gut OP and complain.

I have to say my thoughts are that it was a 'jokey' come back but yes, the teacher was implying gay.

I certainly have used it in that context (gay male bff who uses homophobic language constantly/jokingly)

I think it's worth mentioning my the teacher that your ds took it that way but that he finds if offensive and upsetting

I promise I'm an adult but there's a whole vocal habit thing in my age group.

'Urgh this chairs dirty' - response 'you're dirty'
'Omg it's so boring' - 'you're boring'
It's offensive if your son was upset by it. End of

IMO - the word had been used to mean either homosexual or odd/weird.
Whatever it was referring to, it was used as an insult and is completely unacceptable.

For a PP who said 'Who'd be a teacher' - I've been a teacher, and found it quite easy not to personally insult my pupils - would never occur to me to say something mean and nasty or use any kind of personal remark like that.

Your little boy is vulnerable OP and I would be complaining - he shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing from teachers.