Is there a non homophobic definition of the word bent that me & Ds may be unaware of before I complain to school?

[Balletgirlmum]

Not very happy. Having various problems at school. Ds displays clear traits of asd but not being given reasonable adjustments. Also bullying happening.

Today in PE he was straitening the long jump measuring tape. Teacher asked what hecwas doing.

I'm straitening the tape cause it's bent.

Teacher replied - the only bent thing here is you.

Ds is not gay (he's only 12) but we have several family friends who are & older dd has lots of classmates at another schools who identify as lgbt.

AIBU to think that this isn't on?

There is no benefit of the doubt to be had, though Ngaio. He basically referred to a child as gay.

A child with ASD is very truthful but it is the truth as they see it. They cannot "read" people very well if at all. My DS was 9 at the time of the twin towers and found it impossible to get his head around. There was no difference between that and jumping off a cliff. Both really stupid ideas. He didn't get jokes. If I said I'll get it in a minute, he came back in 60 seconds. His teacher told him to look at the child next to him and then paint her, so he did. Literally covered her in paint.

It is worth a mention but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. He may have misinterpreted it and the teacher meant that he was bent as in bent over. Good luck x

I'm a teacher and head of year. There are pupils that I can have a joke with whom I might affectionately rib during a lesson. You do develop a relationship built on mutual respect and trust. With my younger pupils I might playfully describe them as being 'daft as a brush' or similar if they do something daft. There is nothing wrong with joking around. In this situation, though, there is no possible connotation of the teacher's meaning that wasn't unnecessarily mean and nasty. What if another pupil had heard and decided to carry it on? There is no way that he could have said it jokily. Picking on a kid with ASD is shit. Having taught lots of kids with ASD in my time and having two Aspie brothers I know full well how much hard work they can be. But, a good teacher lifts them up and models the socially acceptable behaviour. They do not push them down.

No matter what other meanings there may be that is not on, if it was another kid I would say talk to your lo or have a quite word with a teacher but a teacher shouldn't say anything like that to a child. It was obviously meant in a derogatory manner and as a teacher they are supposed to be in a position of care not belittling the children. They clearly shouldn't be a teacher if they can so readily humiliate and belittle a child like that.
Disgusting behavior, complain as high up as you can.

I think I've reached peak "professionally unoffended".

It could be one of those comebacks where the teacher repeats what the child has said ie if your son said 'the tape's wobbly' the teacher would say 'The only thing wobbly is you'

Which would make no sense whatsoever.

I'm a teacher as well, Mypockets. So perfectly aware that you were trying to insult me, although it was rather badly phrased so I had to read it twice.

So he was insulting the op's son then? Is it ok in your school to insult the students?

I think your kids are getting a raw deal if they've got teachers who insult them and can barely read.

Bertrand they're only unoffended by homophobia. If someone was parked across their drive they'd be hopping mad

They are Professionally Unoffended by anything that has an -ism or a
-phobia involved.

Whatsername17 has it spot on. I was a teacher (Head of Dept) of many years standing. I also have a son with HFA. I am at a loss to understand how anyone could mis-interpret this. I feel desperately sorry for your son. What a totally idiotic thing for a teacher to say. I would also add the PE teachers seem to have a significant influence on how members of a class are perceived. They are looked up to and emulated, in my opinion, more than any other teacher in a school. The teacher needs to be called up on this, it is potentially so damaging as it seems to sanction mockery.
If this was my son, I would be asking to speak to both the Head Teacher and the Head of Dept. I would imagine the teacher will defend himself using some of the semantic arguments discussed up thread. However, it will be a shot across the bows. In no way is this appropriate. Horrendous attitude towards a child. I send you and your DS very best wishes.

I think you are misinterpreting people.

Almost everyone has said that bent would be an appalling insult and I would think it would a career limiting thing to say as a teacher. That's why I'm struggling to imagine a teacher would actually intend to deliver such a hugely offensive homophobic insult - just out of the blue. Not all teachers are perfect, obviously, but I don't know of many who openly engage in vile homophobic abuse these days.

I'm certainly not wanting to ignore homophobia. It's actually quite the opposite - because it is so grave it would be professional suicide to behave like this. So my initial assumption is he didn't think through what he was saying when he echoed back the DS's words. If that's not the case then he has done something criminally stupid and offensive.

This thread is depressing - I can't believe how many posters are contorting themselves into finding excuses for this incident, or claiming that 'teachers wouldn't do that' and that therefore to claim one did is just being anti-teacher.

We can't know if the teacher was deliberately being homophobic, or made a clumsy joke that unfortunately had homophobic connotations. We do know that he has (knowingly or not) used a well-known homophobic term against a child and that has been picked up the kid's peers. So the OP does need to talk to the school. If the teacher doesn't know that bent is a homophobic term, then he should probably be told don't you think?

I'm curious if posters would also argue that a teacher could call a child 'queer' and only mean they were a bit unusual, or 'gay' and only mean of a happy disposition? I'm assuming nobody would think that was ok - well, bent is in the same category.

I work with young people and have heard of teachers saying appallingly bigoted and racist things to kids, so it would not surprise me at all that a teacher could be a homophobic bully. There is sometimes a shocking naivety on MN about the amount of prejudice that still exists in Britain.

I'm certainly not wanting to ignore homophobia. It's actually quite the opposite - because it is so grave it would be professional suicide to behave like this. So my initial assumption is he didn't think through what he was saying when he echoed back the DS's words.

Backingvocals, this kind of thinking actually makes it really hard to tackle homophobia (or racism, or sexism). If challenging dodgy comments is so freighted and high drama, then inevitably everyday homophobia/racism/sexism goes unchallenged. Far better to assume that we are all products of an imperfect world, and should be prepared to accept challenge and reflect on our use of language, rather than going all outraged and, 'I can't BELIEVE you are accusing me of being a racist!'

And that is why OP should talk to the school. Because if this teacher was just a bit daft and thoughtless, some well-timed feedback and reflection could stop it happening again.

Bent does not just mean gay. The teacher was rude however

What spooky rachel said.

And you ARE ignoring homophobia I'd your initial reaction is to fingers another explanation for it yes

Fingers?

Find.

Regardless of his meaning of the word bent should he really be calling a child any sort of names that upsets him to a point where he's gone home and told his mum?

Bent means dishonest/cheating/corrupt etc Like "a bent cop"

Whatever way the teacher meant it - I would totally have assumed the "gay" version of the word - it was poor taste for a teacher to say it. I would be extremely pissed off.

Bent is not straight. Not straight is not a definition of homosexuality, it has and can be used as such but shouldn't necessarily be interpreted or used in this context.
Bent can mean dishonest in the context of straight being used as a meaning for honesty.
HTH
We use bent for dishonesty in our parts of the woods.

HAve you been in to discuss this yet

I'd like to thank everyone for their support even if their view opposed others.

However I would prefer motto comment any further on the outcome as to continue to give more information might out me or prejudice our dealings with the school.

Hope you understand.