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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and being a controlling bitch?

107 replies

NHSisfubar · 20/06/2016 02:26

I really don't think I am so happy to stand corrected. Had friends to stay this weekend. My friends but DP has met them several times and we are due to go on holiday with them soon.

DP had a sporting engagement which takes him away for the whole day pretty much. This was fine although meant dinner would be fairly late waiting for him to get back. So AIBU to think it's bloody rude to decide to go for a drink not at the venue his match was at (which would have been fine for a quick one) but instead to his home club venue over half an hour away and then not let anyone know where he is/how long he'll be and not answer message/call? And then proceed to rock up past 9pm when we've all been sat waiting (I've had to sort out substantial other picky food in the meantime as guests were so hungry) and then proceed to be rude to me when I quietly express that it's rude to be so late when we have guests. Oh and then refuse to eat said late dinner and sit sulking in the corner not speaking to anyone and causing an atmosphere. Apparently I'm unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
Somerville · 20/06/2016 02:38

As long as he knew, and had agreed to, coming back quickly from the match for dinner, then YANBU and he was being a twat. Did he know?

Original poster
NHSisfubar · 20/06/2016 02:53

Yes he had said he would be back by a particular time. He wasn't and over half an hour later I tried to call (no answer) and so sent a text saying everyone was waiting for food and had he left yet. He ignored text and turned up 5-10 mins later. What pissed me off more was his attitude (some sort of anti 'under the thumb' bravado), the rude comments when I asked why he'd been so long and the sulking. And the fact that had he thought to let us know he was on his way I could have had dinner ready for his return rather than everyone waiting yet another half hour for oven to heat up etc after he turned up.

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 20/06/2016 03:01

I'd have just served dinner and l put his in the oven to stay warm, sometimes people get help up, I wouldn't make guests wait.

He sounds childish though with the sulking! Is this the first time or do you two butt heads about him going out a lot? Feels like there is more to it?

EttaJ · 20/06/2016 03:04

YANBU and he's made himself look a twat in front of your guests. Poor behaviour from him. I don't blame you for being pissed off at all.

ScarletForYa · 20/06/2016 03:15

You should have just ate the dinner when it was ready. If he wasn't there then that's his problem.

You gave him too much importance by waiting.

GarlicSteak · 20/06/2016 03:24

Sounds like the pair of you made a performance out of it - with His Lordship in the starring role. I feel sorry for your guests.

It would have been wiser to proceed as planned. YWBU to have put everything on hold, and HWB a prat. Is this some long-running game you two play?

BurstBees · 20/06/2016 05:34

You do know that your friends will be frantically thinking up excuses to cancel the holiday, right?

FoxesOnSocks · 20/06/2016 05:51

Yanbu.

But I don't understand why you'd make guest wait in the first place. Why is his presence during the meal that important? Was it some sort of hopeful anchor that he'd come home as he'd usually stay out late after these sporting engagement?

contortionist · 20/06/2016 05:54

I guess he suggested you start dinner without him, and you insisted on waiting?

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 20/06/2016 06:07

He's being a complete twat! How can he have such poor social skills and awareness?
You should have served up without him though, I'm not sure why you didn't?

DeathStare · 20/06/2016 06:43

Yes he was unreasonable.

But I also think you turned it into a bigger performance it needed to be by not starting on making dinner at the time he was due back (or even beforehand). If you'd have done that dinner wouldn't have been as late as it was.

Glitterspy · 20/06/2016 07:11

I can't believe you made guests wait til after 9pm for dinner in a tense atmosphere not even turning on the oven till he got back! You could have guessed where he'd be. Yes his attitude sucks but you seem to be amplifying it with your reaction. Just don't give him the oxygen next time. Everyone would have been happier with dinner going ahead as planned and his plate being kept warm for him whenever he got back. Yes it's absolutely rude of him to be late for guests but the situation you created around that sounds far ruder, to me anyway. If you're going to have a happy holiday you need to learn to be a bit more gracious, and he needs to learn some more consideration.

HippiePrincess · 20/06/2016 07:16

He was being a dick. I would not have made guests wait.

HippiePrincess · 20/06/2016 07:19

Oh, btw, don't marry him.

DoreenLethal · 20/06/2016 07:20

This was fine although meant dinner would be fairly late waiting for him to get back

In future - don't wait for him to get back. I hope that helps.

JudyCoolibar · 20/06/2016 07:32

I can see why he didn't answer your text if he was driving back. His conduct otherwise was dickish. Has he explained what he thought he was sulking about?

HermioneJeanGranger · 20/06/2016 07:49

Why did you make your guests wait for him? Shock

neonrainbow · 20/06/2016 07:52

You should have just fed your guests. You were just as rude as him making them wait til after 9pm.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2016 07:55

I can see wrongs on both sides here. He was in the wrong but, your response in turning it into a major international incident, only made it worse. It sounds like you both don't like each other that much

AgentProvocateur · 20/06/2016 08:07

I'd have waited for ten minutes past the specified time, then started without him. Your guests take priority here - not your partner. I bet they're wondering how they can get out of the holiday....

NeckguardUnbespoke · 20/06/2016 08:12

And then proceed to rock up past 9pm when we've all been sat waiting (I've had to sort out substantial other picky food in the meantime as guests were so hungry)

In a sane world, you would just eat and let him sort himself out when he gets back. Especially as it's your friends.

You both sound very hard work. The friends will be pondering if they can afford to lose the deposit, I suspect.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 20/06/2016 08:21

It sounds a bit bullying and self-centred to behave like this. If it happens again serve dinner and put his in the oven. I bet your guests were embarrassed when he threw his weight around. It's not big or clever, why do you put up with it? Ask yourself if you want to do so for the rest of your life. Because if you let him get away with it this behaviour will become normal and it's unpleasant. As I've mentioned on other posts - don't become a doormat. You should be equal in this partnership.

FeckinCrutches · 20/06/2016 08:32

Yes his behaviour was awful, but why on earth didn't you just feed your guests?

Only1scoop · 20/06/2016 08:34

Ywbu to make your guests wait.

I'd have served as they were hungry and shoved his in the oven.

His behaviour sounds pathetic and embarrassing on his return. Is he 17?

1frenchfoodie · 20/06/2016 08:35

If ai have understood correctly he was 35-40 minutes late, annoying (especially as choice of drinking venue seems to be the reason) but it sounds as though you both made a big deal of it in front of your friends. Best to have eaten with them at planned time and raised with him after. Would have been different if it was his friends that he had invited over.

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