AIBU and being a controlling bitch?

[NHSisfubar]

I really don't think I am so happy to stand corrected. Had friends to stay this weekend. My friends but DP has met them several times and we are due to go on holiday with them soon.

DP had a sporting engagement which takes him away for the whole day pretty much. This was fine although meant dinner would be fairly late waiting for him to get back. So AIBU to think it's bloody rude to decide to go for a drink not at the venue his match was at (which would have been fine for a quick one) but instead to his home club venue over half an hour away and then not let anyone know where he is/how long he'll be and not answer message/call? And then proceed to rock up past 9pm when we've all been sat waiting (I've had to sort out substantial other picky food in the meantime as guests were so hungry) and then proceed to be rude to me when I quietly express that it's rude to be so late when we have guests. Oh and then refuse to eat said late dinner and sit sulking in the corner not speaking to anyone and causing an atmosphere. Apparently I'm unreasonable. Am I?

YANBU! A grown man who can't keep his commitments nor resist the pub and who sulks when criticised...probably has no respect for you and can't be expected to properly engage in an adult relationship. I don't expect you to end your relationship on the opinions of a few MNers but PLEASE be cautious.

Let's stop criticising the OP for the late dinner - she did her best under the circumstances when a third party had messed up her plans. It might not have been ideal but it's not crime of the century.

Did he explicitly agree to be back on time or just say that he'd try to be back for dinner - leaving the door open for him to have a drink and be late? From his reaction it sounds like you both had different expectations. Best case, it's a chance to work on communicating. He has put himself first and isn't as keen on your friends as you are ... i wouldn't go as far as LTB just for this tho.

Thanks to all those who have expressed that I have not been at fault here. Yes it was a one off; he is usually very reliable so we agreed to hang on before starting the meal. No; my guests were not pissed off - we (both couples) always eat late and they'd had a large lunch I prepared and a filling array of expensive cold meats and olives etc mid evening. I didn't shove a bag of Monster Munch at them whilst simpering that we had all better wait for DP or he'd be cross We often leave each other at each other's houses if we are staying over and the host couple needs to pop to do a food shop or whatever and are close enough to all be flexible over things. I wasn't hosting the Queen. Just a casual friendly weekend.

The issues were that the food that should have been a proper main meal was delayed and eaten on a nearly full stomach and also that his sulky sitting in the corner/falling asleep caused an atmosphere briefly. Had he come home and said 'really sorry I'm late and what can I do to help' rather than his actual childish response there wouldn't have been any issue at all. Everyone was quite content up to that point.

Thanks to the poster who implied I'd starved my guests by twisting what I'd written in my first post. I think feeding 3 substantial meals over an 8 hour period is fine? My guests aren't baby birds who need feeding on the hour and also know they can raid the fridge at any time if required - that's just how it goes; we don't do silver service and neither are we Stepford Wives. Friend just rolled eyes and said 'bloody men' and had a giggle about it actually rather than trying to cancel our impending holiday.

DP has since apologised properly and agreed it was not on, that he needs to be better with communicating via phone. It would appear there was an underlying issue niggling at him with some news he'd received which I can't post about here so that and the combination of only 4 hours sleep the night before contributed to his shitty dealing of the situation. He was totally fine and good company apart from this one episode.

Thanks for the solidarity to those who have expressed support and to those who have blamed me for being an awful host I guess it must be wonderful in perfect land where you can psychically predict what people do and log their every movement with your magic internal GPS and plan accordingly...

Why did you wait?

I also agree that your guests are probably working out now how to cancel the holiday!

Well, OP, you did say that you had to feed your guests because they were so hungry.... Doesn't sound like they actually are used to eating that late! All people are saying is that, rather than filling them up on cold meats before their meal, you could just have given them their meal, then nothing would have been spoiled, including their appetites! Eating a large meal after 9pm after lots of filling snacks was always going to be a crap eating experience, regardless of your dh's bad temper.

sounds like this might be an ongoing thing, with much more going on than just a late appearance for dinner!

YANBU!

He, on the other hand, is a childish knob-spanker.