Missing £50 candle- is it my cleaner?

[MotherHen3]

So had a really rotten few weeks at work and as a treat my husband bought me a really extravagant scented candle ...brought home and opened--wonderful smell filled whole house- 2 days later - it was gone.....This was on a day I had builders downstairs and an electrician in the house and 2 delivery men and my ( female ) cleaner who has worked for me for about 3 years....

I have turned the house upside down looking for this in the hope that someone had broken it- rather than being stolenbut it was big- and not easily mislaid my husband says I am overreacting but it has totally freaked me out to think someone in my house has stolen from me---he also says there is no way a man would steal a candle.....

I have asked everyone about it and all know nothing I have told the cleaner that I spend all weekend looking for the candle ( true ) and that I am really upset as it was a present from my husband-I hoped this might make it re-appear!

I have had previous issues with cleaner asking to borrow money from me which I did on one occasion as she said she was desperate ( and a good cleaner in an area where hard to get a cleaner )but she then started asking to borrow more money and then asking me to pay her 2 weeks in advance etc etc as she was desperate.....

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished- so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....


I have no evidence at all re the candle so don't see how I can accuse her of anything-but builders have been on site for 6 months with no problems
and as my husband says- surely they would nick something better than a candle ( even though it was especially lovely!)

...it is literally driving me nuts trying to work out where it has gone ( have turned house upside down ) and who would have taken it

...I am starting to think it can only be a woman and that maybe it wasn't just about nicking something- but a bit of a revenge thing for me halving my cleaners hours....but I have no evidence so don't see how I can sack her....thoughts gratefully received--I value trustworthiness above all else as I am a really private person and actually find it difficult having someone in my house to clean but have got used to her over 3 years ( I work full time and have 4 children so need a cleaner)

[Orda1]

It's not stealth boosting. You don't need to be rich to have a cleaner!

[Goingtobeawesome]

Being charitable the PM might have gone as such instead of a post on thread but the words are as wanted...

[Bails2014]

I don't have a cleaner but I do have £50 scented candles.

hides candles from errant tradesmen

Also, I never knew people would buy the empty boxes! Sticking them on eBay asap!

[SoThatHappened]

Being charitable the PM might have gone as such instead of a post on thread but the words are as wanted...

Exactly.....in telling me it was intended as a post it meant that her block capital shouting rant was meant for all of us.

Nice.

Must have been some candle.

[Gabilan]

£200+ on a candle? Is it a magic candle? Does it at least cook dinner for you? Each to their own, but that strikes me as being as near as you can get to burning money without actually setting fire to a bundle of 20 s.

[BillSykesDog]

I had an expensive candle stolen earlier this year. Only person apart from me in the house in the period from seeing it to realising it was gone.

A man certainly would nick a candle. DH works on a construction site and apparently in discussion there it came up that they are quite frequently sold on in pubs, on FB selling sites etc. Good present for the missus etc.

Apparently they are quite good things to pinch as they can be sold on simply for a reasonable whack and are rarely followed up in the way theft of electronics, cash etc might be. Also rarely security marked and people often think they might have lost them/don't notice they're gone.

Could well be a workman.

[MotherHen3]

Hello

I am a techno dinosaur and meant to post to all- I had no idea it was a personal message and never shout at any one! You have taken this totally the wrong way- but don't worry - I have totally learnt my lesson and would never dream about posting ever again at allwelldone you have taught me a good lesson---

for the record--I have actually lost sleep over this because its a genuine dilemma- of not wanting to falsely accuse someone who I had liked and trusted- by the way- I am not rich - do not have a nanny and all the other nonsense you have accused me of- surely its natural to feel upset when something of value goes missing from your home ?

Thank you to everyone for their opinions

I should have said I was having my toilet rolls taken instead !

[sizeofalentil]

The thing I hate most about these sort of posts is there will always be a few people up in arms that x-amount of money has been spent on the object in question.

OP is allowed to spend her money however she wants - and if a £50 would have cheered her up more than a £50 meal, a £5 candle or a £100 dress then that's down to her.

Everyone has one splurge item, dammit.

[Gabilan]

Yes, it's natural to be upset when something's been stolen. It's horrible to think that someone you trusted might have taken something from your home.

It's just very unreasonable to assume a woman did it. Particularly since, as pp have pointed out, it was bought by a man. What does your husband think, that men buy them but women steal them?

[glueandstick]

£50 is cheaper than a night out and lasts much longer. Why the hate for having nice things? There are a lot of things I wouldn't spend £50 on either in one go or in drips, but I would (and do) have £50 candles. Each to their own.

Does it matter if it was a candle or a bag? Either way it has gone missing and I'd be just as annoyed. Perhaps ask the cleaner if she saw it as you're trying to piece together what happened and it gives a time line.

Just for the record. The large Jo Malone candles can and do scent an entire floor of a house and it wafts up to other floors too, just not as strong.

[SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes]

My lily flame fairy dust scents the whole house when lit. I leave it in the hallway to light when Dh drops the kids off at the pool.

[MotherHen3]

Hi Gabilan
Look I have no idea why someone would steal from anyone-let alone a candle-I would love to find it broken or otherwise-it would be a relief-it is probably a horrible coincidence that it went missing just after I had problems with the relationship with my cleaner-which is why I have not said or done anything about it-but felt uneasy

[ElleBellyBeeblebrox]

I'm sorry that something has gone missing from your home, I know that is a horrible feeling. However I have done cleaning jobs, and my mum is a cleaner and just about the most honest person I know (declares her tips, although I beg her not to). She also genuinely worries that if something goes missing she feels that "the cleaner" will get the blame. I hope it turns up though OP.

[2nds]

Would it have been knocked over during the building work and maybe broken and binned?

[DanglyEarOrnaments]

Elle I agree that the vast majority of cleaners would never steal and most are indeed running an honest business on which their reputation relies upon being in a position of trust and standing behind their promises to take good care of their clients, but just because you or I or most others would never steal or act unfairly towards our clients doesn't mean there aren't the odd ones out there who would do these things in a heart beat.

I think it's fair to assume that in all walks of life most people are not dishonest but at the same time to have awareness that a few are and we could be unfortunate enough on occasion to cross paths with someone who wouldn't have a problem stealing from us.

I still think it unlikely that anyone would steal a candle though and would just assume it got broken and thrown out.

[alltoomuchrightnow]

I lived in a shared house and the garden backed onto a nursery school. The nursery school was renovated and we allowed their workmen into our garden (which meant we also lost the garden for the whole summer..as had scaffolding in it… we had initially agreed as landlord talked us into it.. 'it's for the little kids'. Unfortunately they (builders) trashed our garden, broke down every one of my sunflowers and stole our garden ornaments.. namely skulls (ok we lived like students and it was a party house.. we had lots of parties in the garden/ BBQ's and my house mate had skulls everywhere. We even watched them from the upstairs window, loading some of the skulls into the van
So yes.. workmen could
Another time, the house flooded and we had workmen in and caught them raiding our fridge!

[alltoomuchrightnow]

Workman could have thought.. 'that will make a nice present for my missus'
It could of course have been the cleaner but she has been with you for a long time
You may never know

[Icrackedup]

Perhaps your husband took it back for a refund.

[0urKid]

My ex stepfather was a contractor and site manager and theft was pretty much wholesale. He managed to get a contract renovating and updating some prefab houses. When my mum checked over the paper work during an audit each unit had an allocation of a certain amount of materials but the number was double more than it should be. My step dads deputy had been pretty much running a business (cash in hand of course) on the side. He'd been taking stuff not nailed down or falsifying orders to fund it. Over about 6 months beforehand he'd received complaints that stuff had gone missing from jobs. Not just materials but things like ornaments,digital radio, a Nike hoody, even a huge box of loo rolls and blue cleaning cloth. He went to prison for 6 months. My stepdad went bankrupt.

[Zarah123]

It's crazy that alot of posts are blaming the OP for having a £50 candle. Victim blaming, much?

OP, ordinarily I think it would be unreasonable to suspect the cleaner but considering she has asked to borrow money off you several times and coupled with the relationship problems you are having with her because you, quite reasonably, have reduced her hours after a temporary period of increased hours, I think you're right to be suspicious. (Sorry that sentence is too long)

I don't think it's worth confronting her but I would cease her employment, with money in lieu of notice. I wouldn't risk something more valuable going missing.

[tinytemper66]

I think the kids or the workmen broke it and have hidden the evidence. I don`t think anyone stole it.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

The thing is that you have a lovely gift that made you happy. It cost a fair few quid and you liked it and now it's gone BUT you have no evidence and no way of being sure what happened to it.

I think the cleaner being strapped for cash is an unhappy coincidence to be honest.

All you can do is consider how good a cleaner she is and if you want to keep her and chalk up the loss of the candle to coincidence unless someone confesses.

[venusinscorpio]

It's not "victim blaming". We don't even know that anyone has stolen anything. Quite possibly one of the people she knows and loves has broken it and doesn't want to own up, however obsessed the OP gets.

[SpaceUnicorn]

This is an awful post, hope it's a joke

It's like AIBU bingo

[venusinscorpio]

And no she isn't right to be suspicious that her cleaner has taken it just because she is a woman and her twat of a husband thinks only a woman would steal a scented candle and she can't think for herself.