Missing £50 candle- is it my cleaner?

[MotherHen3]

So had a really rotten few weeks at work and as a treat my husband bought me a really extravagant scented candle ...brought home and opened--wonderful smell filled whole house- 2 days later - it was gone.....This was on a day I had builders downstairs and an electrician in the house and 2 delivery men and my ( female ) cleaner who has worked for me for about 3 years....

I have turned the house upside down looking for this in the hope that someone had broken it- rather than being stolenbut it was big- and not easily mislaid my husband says I am overreacting but it has totally freaked me out to think someone in my house has stolen from me---he also says there is no way a man would steal a candle.....

I have asked everyone about it and all know nothing I have told the cleaner that I spend all weekend looking for the candle ( true ) and that I am really upset as it was a present from my husband-I hoped this might make it re-appear!

I have had previous issues with cleaner asking to borrow money from me which I did on one occasion as she said she was desperate ( and a good cleaner in an area where hard to get a cleaner )but she then started asking to borrow more money and then asking me to pay her 2 weeks in advance etc etc as she was desperate.....

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished- so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....


I have no evidence at all re the candle so don't see how I can accuse her of anything-but builders have been on site for 6 months with no problems
and as my husband says- surely they would nick something better than a candle ( even though it was especially lovely!)

...it is literally driving me nuts trying to work out where it has gone ( have turned house upside down ) and who would have taken it

...I am starting to think it can only be a woman and that maybe it wasn't just about nicking something- but a bit of a revenge thing for me halving my cleaners hours....but I have no evidence so don't see how I can sack her....thoughts gratefully received--I value trustworthiness above all else as I am a really private person and actually find it difficult having someone in my house to clean but have got used to her over 3 years ( I work full time and have 4 children so need a cleaner)

[Marynary]

still steal

[allegretto]

She didn't halve the hours because of the building work - she increased them temporarily because of the building work - nothing wrong with that!

[SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes]

Also the money lending has nothing to do with the disappearance of a dear candle. You could have stood firm and said no. The inclusion of that doesn't make me think she's a tea leaf. Rather that she'd rather embarrass herself asking for a sub than steal.

[Stopyourhavering]

Wondering what kind of candle it was that made whole house smell good?....looking for one like it!...missing point of thread!!

[Marynary]

Also the money lending has nothing to do with the disappearance of a dear candle. You could have stood firm and said no. The inclusion of that doesn't make me think she's a tea leaf. Rather that she'd rather embarrass herself asking for a sub than steal.

Yes, I also think it makes her look more honest rather than less honest.

[Laiste]

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished- so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....

allegretto i took it to mean that the hours have been halved back to the normal ones too. It's not clear though.

[venusinscorpio]

She did reduce the hours due to the work. Read the OP.

[Lweji]

I'd be looking for someone who hated the smell that filled the whole house...
Even your oh.

[Just5minswithDacre]

I agree it's most likely an accident that someone is hiding. If you're the kind of person to spend an entire weekend looking for a candle, perhaps your children are hiding it from you.

THIS

[venusinscorpio]

Ok I see your point, agree not clear. Can the OP clarify?

[Northernlurker]

I think there are lots of possibilities. I also think that having a candle in the house that cost £50 is a likely to be very much of a red rag to somebody who could really do with £50 and so if it 'got broken' whilst she was doing your cleaning she might well think it served you right.
Say nothing.

[allegretto]

She did reduce the hours due to the work. Read the OP.

Yes, I did read the OP, thanks. Her wording is a bit ambiguous but she says that the building work has now finished so she has gone BACK to her normal hours. This suggests that she was only doing extra hours BECAUSE of the building work. Read the OP.

[MotherHen3]

Hi there
I have asked everyone not just the cleaner and have cross examined all my children and would really like to find it broken somewhere-rather than stolen-I don't think only women like scented candles (obviously)-this is my first time posting on mums net so I am a bit shocked to get so many angry replies and sorry my post is a "crock of shit" as someone described it- its a small pointless insignificant worry of course in the grand scheme of things- but clearly its not about the object- though it was a present during a tough time- its about trust and I have been stuck trying to do the "right thing" about it-- I have no evidence and will never know and cant sack someone on this basis

[TSSDNCOP]

She's not going to get much from nicking a used candle however lovely. I think you're barking up the wrong tree and wouldn't raise it with her.

I would get rid though on the basis that you are not happy with her asking for subs and that you don't like her being in your house.

stop try Jo Malone or Molton Brown you don't even need to light them to scent a really wide area - whole house might be pushing it though.

[DanglyEarOrnaments]

I doubt anyone would steal a candle, it just seems very unlikely that anyone would want a second hand candle that had been used because it couldn;t be sold or re-gifted (you mentioned the smell filled the whole house so I take it it has been lit).

I do think the cleaner is acting very unprofessionally asking you for money and pulling her face when you scale back her workload. There are loads of cleaning jobs out there she could take and so is not reliant on you for money, she is taking advantage in this way and putting pressure on you by saying she is desperate when I can't see how a private cleaner could be desperate for money if they fill up their schedule.

I would let her go for that reason and for the reason that she is a person who you think could steal ie not a person you trust, therefore you need a different person coming into your home, ie one you have trust in.

From a cleaner's perspective, I would have to trust that a homeowner trusted me to want to keep them as a client, I wouldn't be comfortable cleaning in a home where they could think I may steal from them, trust has to work both ways. If they did not trust me to be honest, then I would not trust them not to make false accusations, I would feel too vulnerable and think they may be out to rip off my insurance. It is a relationship that relies upon trusting one another in both direction.

For that reason, and also for the reason she keeps asking for money, I would say you need another cleaner now to be fair to both parties re trust issues and so you are not pressured to keep subbing her money, which is just her abusing the relationship.

Good cleaners know they are in demand and can pick and choose clients but while this is a nice position to be in it should never be abused and there is more to being a 'good cleaner' than just the cleaning element. Professional conduct is just as important, which your cleaner is lacking here.

[venusinscorpio]

Her wording is very ambiguous, not a bit. I've already acknowledged you had a point after someone else explained it better than you did

[MotherHen3]

Hi yes
I increased hours whilst building work was on but now back to normal--as you say this may have nothing to do with the candle but I was trying to explain the relationship has been complicated because of these background issues over borrowing money and hours going back to normal and I have felt cleaner is not on my side any more as she previously was ( as I did not lend money a second time though I did lend money first time she asked which I have never ever done before and would not do again as it changed the relationship)

[TSSDNCOP]

Presumably you've got jewellery or electronics in the house as portable as a candle and more lucrative to sell on. If I were going to nick something for its cash value it wouldn't be a candle.

[venusinscorpio]

I'm not particularly sympathetic to people who assume their female cleaner must have taken something just because they were a woman, no.

[KissMyArse]

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished - so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....

It's badly written but still clear to me.

During the building work her hours were halved as there's no point cleaning a house only to get it covered in dust from the building work. The cleaner wasn't happy with this (not surprising really as it was a big drop in income).

The building work is now finished so the cleaner has gone back to her normal hours.

OP I'd suspect the children first, then the builders/electrician and then the cleaner. I agree tha the cleaner has the most to lose in this situation.

[MotherHen3]

for what its worth- the candle had never been used or lit!

I think the fact that the trust has gone for me anyway-because of the issues about asking for subs and borrowing etc etc as last poster said is perhaps more the thing I have to look at- but I was really gutted about the bloody candle and the fact that someone would take or break it--my kids are too little to be able to manage to get rid of the glass involved from breaking

[SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes]

That's what I thought TSSDNCOP. A candle is an ornament. I'd spot it straight away if my Avon 3 wick Winterberry candle went walkies. I wouldn't notice immediately if my watches or rings went missing.

[KissMyArse]

Ooops. Cross post.

Obviously it wasn't as clear as I thought

[BlancheBlue]

Why spend £50 on a candle FFS?

[DoreenLethal]

my husband bought me a really extravagant scented candle

But a man wouldn't steal one?