Missing £50 candle- is it my cleaner?

[MotherHen3]

So had a really rotten few weeks at work and as a treat my husband bought me a really extravagant scented candle ...brought home and opened--wonderful smell filled whole house- 2 days later - it was gone.....This was on a day I had builders downstairs and an electrician in the house and 2 delivery men and my ( female ) cleaner who has worked for me for about 3 years....

I have turned the house upside down looking for this in the hope that someone had broken it- rather than being stolenbut it was big- and not easily mislaid my husband says I am overreacting but it has totally freaked me out to think someone in my house has stolen from me---he also says there is no way a man would steal a candle.....

I have asked everyone about it and all know nothing I have told the cleaner that I spend all weekend looking for the candle ( true ) and that I am really upset as it was a present from my husband-I hoped this might make it re-appear!

I have had previous issues with cleaner asking to borrow money from me which I did on one occasion as she said she was desperate ( and a good cleaner in an area where hard to get a cleaner )but she then started asking to borrow more money and then asking me to pay her 2 weeks in advance etc etc as she was desperate.....

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished- so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....

I have no evidence at all re the candle so don't see how I can accuse her of anything-but builders have been on site for 6 months with no problems
and as my husband says- surely they would nick something better than a candle ( even though it was especially lovely!)

...it is literally driving me nuts trying to work out where it has gone ( have turned house upside down ) and who would have taken it

...I am starting to think it can only be a woman and that maybe it wasn't just about nicking something- but a bit of a revenge thing for me halving my cleaners hours....but I have no evidence so don't see how I can sack her....thoughts gratefully received--I value trustworthiness above all else as I am a really private person and actually find it difficult having someone in my house to clean but have got used to her over 3 years ( I work full time and have 4 children so need a cleaner)

It could easily have been accidentally cleared up and thrown away amidst much building work and post-building work cleaning, could it not?

Did it have its expensive label on it/ was it easily identifiable as expensive and well-known?

I hate unsolved mysteries. I lost the wireless mouse for my computer, convinced myself I had accidentally chucked it away amongst paperwork, and then 4 months later found it in the little shelf in the car boot under the de-icer.

Has your candle been moved for dusting and not put back? Fallen behind books on the bookshelf, for example?

Can you go round sniffing for it?

Have you checked the rubbish and the re-cycling?

That made me laugh-- it was probably my sexist husband who bought it- hated the smell and then chucked it!!!

I'd be a bit miffed if someone spent £50 on a present for me and all I got was a fucking candle.

Maybe someone broke it, didn't realise how much it cost and put it in the bin and forgot to tell you?

Offer the kids a fiver for finding it or a confession 😁

GENUNE CONFESSION

If you don't trust her then you don't trust her but you have absolutely no proof that she's stolen anything (other than an overactive imagination). If the trust has gone then sack her but you'll have accept that you might never find out what happened to your overpriced candle.

So what candle was it?

I don't know why the OP is getting a hard time. Mind you we had to fire our cleaner before Christmas for stealing. I thought some things had gone missing and asked her about them. Then i asked to see her bag and found it stuffed full of my stuff; expensive beauty products, some of which had been opened and used, some of the kids clothes, cleaning products and food! She basically nicked absolutely anything she wanted. Goodness knows how long she had been doing it, she was nicking what she thought i wouldn't miss.

I agree with the poster above. Leaving the candle issue aside, if you have reason to not trust a cleaner, it's time to move on.

And no, you'll probably never find out what happened to the candle. You had several people in the house, any of them could have taken it. If you often have a houseful and you have expensive things, it might be worth investing in a little cctv system?

It sounds like a Diptyque candal, i have those. And yes they are worth every penny, they smell divine!

When I was cleaning I once got accused of stealing a maternity bra. As the woman was saying this to me, I could see her Husband looking apologetically in the background. I don't think she ever believed me that I did not touch her bra.
I think cleaners are the first people that get accused when something goes missing or gets broken.

Jesus OP, you're getting a rough time. Obviously this is all your fault for having a considerate husband who bought you an expensive candle. Case closed, according to most.

If I could afford a £50 candle, I would buy one. There's bugger all wrong about enjoying lovely things. Except on MN where that makes it your own fault and justifiable if stolen.

OP, it could have been broken or stolen. If it's a well known brand, it's likely to be known that it has a high value. If either of those, you'll probably never know.

Is it possible that it could have been unknowingly scooped up with a load of other bits and moved because of mess from builders etc. I say this as someone who spent 3 days looking for my purse, only to find it when I went to the fridge to get veg from the drawer and found it at the bottom of the drawer.

I'd feel utterly pissed off, regardless of the candle's fate.

cleaner has stolen it to use as a sex toy

On a more serious note though - this is why i could never be a cleaner, or any other job that had access to someone's private home.

Things go missing, they just do, and I'd hate to think that someone was thinking i must have stolen it.

Have to say, ive never seen a candle for £50 . Am kind of curious as they must be amazing ly overpriced

If you've already been banging on yo the cleaner about it being missing and how you've looked everywhere she will know that you think she's taken it.

For those doubting a candle can cost £50...

I imagine if it had been accidentally knocked over or broken by someone (builder or cleaner) they would have told the OP and apologised...? I know I would if I broke something of somebody's, particularly if they were in the house at the time. I wouldn't just chuck it out and not mention it. What if it had been a vase? Or a photo frame?

I agree it is always the poor cleaner who gets the blame, but in this case I'd be suspicious. A woman is more likely to know the value of an expensive candle. I'd be looking on eBay for local sellers trying to flog said candle!

If I had suspicions about a cleaner (or anyone working in my home) I'd keep quiet but set up a camera. If they've stolen once, they'll do it again. Then there would be proof and I wouldn't end up accusing an innocent person of theft

More than likely it's been broken and whoever done it didn't want to say and thought who goes crazy looking for a candle and they properly also didn't know your DH had paid £50 a candle.

The builders worked for 6 months never stealing anything why would they take a candle
Even the cleaner when she was struggling for money she asked you for advance etc never stole so why steal a candle of all things when she needs the hours

Personally I'd forget about the candle, I certainly wouldn't devote all my time go looking for it. I'd just keep an eye on things on the day the cleaner comes and unless something else goes missing wouldn't be a problem for me.

Tbh I've had many cleaners and builders for me over the years and never has anything gone missing. Is it really worth it for them to take something espically for £50 value?

I think you're overreacting to be honest but like as others say if you don't like her attitude towards her hours being cut temporarily and towards you generally I'd just get rid of her.

I don't have a cleaner and when my mum had one it was brother's GF but she was someone who we trusted implicitly. You also do need to like the person and not think they're being funny towards you due to money etc.

I'd do as a PP says and ask re the builders knocking it over and by look on her face you'll get your answer (unless she's a rotten liar) no harm in asking too.

I recon it was knocked and chucked. I don't think the great unwashed vast majority of us philistines are au fait with a candle that costs £50 would not recognise it from one that costs a few quid reduced at Sainsbury's... And I don't think there is a mass unground market for scented candles, lit, unlit or otherwise. If you're gonna steal something if your skint, you steal for resale I recon so it's just not worth risking her job to pinch it.

Check your bins/skips.

Also I've bought and sold candles on EBay, sometimes they go for good money (the winter aveda one I sold did well last Christmas) but generally they're not that good money spinners I've found. Some go for good money some don't. So don't assume it's on eBay.

When I was young my sister and I accidentally broke one if my mums really expensive crystal candlesticks doing cartwheels in the lounge. We hid it and threw it away on the way to school the next day. Awful I know but I didn't admit this for thirty five years. Feel terrible because my dad got blamed. I also buried my horrible sandals at the beach because I hated them and didn't confess for probably twenty years. My dad got blamed for a lot of what me and my sister got up too.

Your cleaner has a lot to lose, as she has been working for you for 3 years. The builders have less to lose, as they will be gone soon. Your kids have nothing to lose if they've broken it and hidden the evidence. Actually, your cleaner doesn't have a lot to lose, as you sound a bit unpleasant. Its totally unfair that you jump to the conclusion that she is dishonest - just because she's a cleaner, doesn't mean she doesn't have morals. You may as well accuse her, as she will then know what you really think about "the lower orders" and she can get some nicer clients who appreciate what she does. With 4 kids and a full-time job, I'm surprised you don't value her more.

People do sell fake high end candles on eBay. They also sell the empty packaging, such as the branded paper bag, tissue paper, box and ribbon so that the fake ones look genuine. It's a thing.

I have Jo Malone candles (bought from the shop) and they don't fill the room with scent let alone the house.