Missing £50 candle- is it my cleaner?

[MotherHen3]

So had a really rotten few weeks at work and as a treat my husband bought me a really extravagant scented candle ...brought home and opened--wonderful smell filled whole house- 2 days later - it was gone.....This was on a day I had builders downstairs and an electrician in the house and 2 delivery men and my ( female ) cleaner who has worked for me for about 3 years....

I have turned the house upside down looking for this in the hope that someone had broken it- rather than being stolenbut it was big- and not easily mislaid my husband says I am overreacting but it has totally freaked me out to think someone in my house has stolen from me---he also says there is no way a man would steal a candle.....

I have asked everyone about it and all know nothing I have told the cleaner that I spend all weekend looking for the candle ( true ) and that I am really upset as it was a present from my husband-I hoped this might make it re-appear!

I have had previous issues with cleaner asking to borrow money from me which I did on one occasion as she said she was desperate ( and a good cleaner in an area where hard to get a cleaner )but she then started asking to borrow more money and then asking me to pay her 2 weeks in advance etc etc as she was desperate.....

I have also recently reduced halved her hours as we had ongoing building work and dust which has now finished- so gone back to usual hours---which she was not happy about.....


I have no evidence at all re the candle so don't see how I can accuse her of anything-but builders have been on site for 6 months with no problems
and as my husband says- surely they would nick something better than a candle ( even though it was especially lovely!)

...it is literally driving me nuts trying to work out where it has gone ( have turned house upside down ) and who would have taken it

...I am starting to think it can only be a woman and that maybe it wasn't just about nicking something- but a bit of a revenge thing for me halving my cleaners hours....but I have no evidence so don't see how I can sack her....thoughts gratefully received--I value trustworthiness above all else as I am a really private person and actually find it difficult having someone in my house to clean but have got used to her over 3 years ( I work full time and have 4 children so need a cleaner)

[TSSDNCOP]

Sharon we may have opened a can of worms there though. OP are you now doing a complete inventory of every item you own

I can understand you being upset about the candle, I am ridiculously over invested in things like that, and as people know that and buy them for me for special reasons I'd be upset if one were lost or damaged too.

But I think you do need to consider letting up, you've spent a weekend and a lot of worry on it now.

Given your job, the building work and four kids use your energy to get back up that doesn't add to your anxiety, that's the opposite of the point of a cleaner, nanny etc.

[Lweji]

I can believe that. Have you been to a candle shop?
It eventually goes away a bit, or you stop noticing.

[KissMyArse]

Perhaps broach it in a way that makes it clear you know the candle is missing but without any direct accusation, e.g:

"I notice my rose candle is missing. Did you find any broken glass when you were cleaning as I think maybe the builders knocked it over" and see how she reacts.

If she looks like a rabbit in the headlights you may be onto something.

[BlancheBlue]

If it hasn't been used or lit how do you know its smell filled the whole house? Is this some sort of mad reverse or wannabe "get in the paper" type post?

[KC225]

Another one for it being knocked over/broken. I think it's an odd thing to steal if nothing has gone missing before. Offer an amnesty. If someone fesses up you won't be cross or fly off the 'candle', you just want to know what has happened before you start making false accusations.

[TSSDNCOP]

itsmine it's absolutely true, the smell goes a long way. I have to be careful about some that I buy or DH complains of a headache and DS says he can taste them. They cannot see what I see because I am blinded by the packaging, the whiteness of the wax and the general wonderfulness, and yes I realise I'm a marketing teams dream

[branofthemist]

sorry my post is a "crock of shit" as someone described it-

it was me and I didn't describe your post as a crock of shit. I described the fact that your husband is insisting a man wouldn't steal a candle as a crock of shit. The but that I quoted. Then explained why it was a crock of shit.

Maybe read posts before jumping to conclusions.

[Thornrose]

brought home and opened--wonderful smell filled whole house
for what its worth- the candle had never been used or lit!

[BlancheBlue]

thornrose

[Zucker]

I'd imagine it's been taken as a surprise gift for a wife or girlfriend.

[miwelaisjacydo]

Can't believe anyone would spend £50 on a candle ... Sorry missing the point

[Itriedtodohandstandsforyou]

Ok, firstly, I love candles and am desperate to know which make and scent this one is..especially if gorgeous scent fills the house without it having been lit yet. And secondly, well, cleaner sounds very arsey, can't be doing with arsey people around me so I would be reconsidering having a cleaner. Good luck in solving this 'mystery of the missing candle'. Enid Blytonesqe

[Oliviaerinpope]

It could have been anyone in your house really, so to be sure, you'd need to distance yourself from all that had been in your house. On the bright side though, those candles are full of harmful chemicals though and you'll be much healthier without it

[scarednoob]

I like Jo Malone and diptyque candles, both of which cost about that. I have also broken 2 over the years by dropping them when pissed. My guess is either the cleaner or a child broke it and binned it, not realising the cost.

I had some really expensive shampoo and conditioner stolen from work once (it was delivered there and I hadn't taken it home yet). I did the same thing, "surely it must have been a woman, it's conditioner for long hair" etc. my boss gave me a massive talking to about bias and unconscious bias - he was totally right. You could do with the same chat! Turned out it was a male cleaner and yep, he was sticking everyone's stuff on eBay...

[Tabsicle]

I very much doubt anyone stole a candle to sell. It would never occur to me that a candle was worth that much.

My money is on broken or hidden. Aside - why do people have cleaners if they think so poorly of them?

[SoThatHappened]

What was that old saying about parenthood....if something is broken or missing in your house one of your kids did it.

Case in point.

Who the fuck would want to steal a candle particularly one that has been partially burned?

You can probably buy cheaper and nicer ones than the one you got.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

It hadn't been lit

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

It's probably staring you in the face. Hiding in broad daylight!

[Goingtobeawesome]

Oops.

[BlueFolly]

Come on OP, what sort of candle is it?

[NCVanish]

When I open a candle I don't burn it for the first few days as the smell is enough to fill the house without burning.
How do people think candle shops smell???

[BlueFolly]

If anyone else did break it and hide the evidence they'd probably be terrified of owning up now you've been obsessing about it.

As to your husband's theory, I'd say a bloke is about as likely to steal a candle as to buy one. And he bought one.

[trufflesnout]

Maybe someone thought it stank and binned it?