To sometimes wonder how people afford their lifestyles?

[Babysafari]

Most people that I know appear to have really nice lifestyles. New cars, really nice houses all done out immaculate and on nice roads. Holidays abroad several times a year to nice places too. I've also noticed that most of the parents at school pick their dc up themselves (I'm on maternity leave). There are loads of dads at the school gates too and a lot of mums and dads do the school runs together. A lot of these people are really young too.

One of the dads is a road sweeper so won't be being paid loads and his wife doesn't work, yet they are always doing the school run together but they seem to have the above lifestyle.

Me and dh have a decent household income, hardly rich but 50k, we're not struggling at all but our cars are old, we can only afford cheap holidays, dh works really long hours and is never there for school runs.

I'm not being deliberately envious, logically I know they could have family help or anything I guess people just make it look so easy, I wonder how they do it.

Can I just sympathise? I am mortified on a daily basis by not having the money everyone else has. I feel like people think I've adopted an alternative lifestyle out of perversity because it's a more plausible explanation than just working full time but not earning much.

My OH is a farmer, so he works long hours, but if he wants to accompany me on the school run he can often fit it in as he works when he wants. Though he never does morning runs as busy feeding livestock. I work part time and always do school run so as far as other parents are concerned they may think I don't work. I inherited a chunk of money a year ago, not a huge chunk but enough to buy a decent one year old family car. Maybe I shouldn't have blown it all on a car, but I do like a nice car!
So there are my reasons for a nice car, looking like I don't work and OH coming on school runs.

Can I add...we don't have holidays. We farm so can't go away. (Or that's the OH's excuse anyway!)

Furious - I so agree the more money you have the easier it is to make/save money.

Spare room - language students.
Big enough house/garden - parties at home/ easy to have friends over

Someone said its just priorities. It is partly that but they also said they could have bought a house 200k less and had cars/holidays. My house is worth 200k and we don't have cars/expensive holidays!!

I think buying before 2005ish has a lot to do with it or family money as many have said. Or simply being in a well paid profession/never being ill or redundant.

But people can also work shifts. My dh has done a mix of nights and graveyard shifts for years now and as such can be there for most school drop offs and pick ups, as can I as I work from home. People also have different priorities for their finances - some will prioritise their home having all the sky channels etc etc whereas others might go without these in order to save that bit each month to go towards a newer car or a holiday. And while they might live in a nice area, maybe they bought during a recession, inherited, or bought cheaply from the bank.... so many different scenarios that you'll drive yourself nuts trying to work it out. I think you being so interested shows that youre jealous and canit fathom how they have 'more' than you

My cousin appears to have a great lifestyle ( owns her own home, foreign holidays, always out drinking etc) whilst having been a lone parent for 18 years and in a part time low paid job and no maintainence from kids dad. There is a simple reason behind it, her parents pay for lots of it even paying her car tax, gadgets for the kids, holidays etc. They are happy to pay for a lot, they don't want their only grandkids to go without which is fair enough.

I think we are soon going to be seeing a major change in inheritance.

The people who's only asset is their home will not be able to shelter it from the predation of care home fees. We are seeing that now. DMiL has dementia and has had to go into a care home. The cash coming from the sale of her home will be largely gone in about three years.

The only people able to shelter their assets for future generations will be the wealthy.

There's lots of people like this on the school run. I presumed they either both worked part time in well paid jobs, has an inheritance, did well on the housing market or worked unsociable hours or work from home. There are of course people who also live beyond their means and are drowning in debt to keep up with their crowd.

We earn a modest wage. About 40k between us. DH full time, me part time. We bought a house last year thanks to money I was left + an accident I had a while ago that left us with a decent deposit. We had enough left to do work to the house.
A few months later we'd saved up enough to upgrade our cars as ours were past it.
I had the comments you mentioned in your op.
We live within our means. We haven't had a holiday in the last 2 years and before that they've always been in the UK. We have no debts. We pay cash for everyrhing. If we don't have the money. We don't spend it. I couldn't imagine living on credit. The thought of it scares me.

I know what you mean but you never know people's working history and their debt situation.

A couple I'm friends with bring in £100k between them (that is only in last few years) but they were always on good money, but they are both in debt up to the eyeballs due to spending constantly.

They are still on interest only mortgage on a small 2 bed, both drive around 8 year old cars and have to scrape for a holidays to Cornwall that's usually funded on the credit card.

She is a shopaholic and he spends loads. They both left uni with huge extra debts due to being obsessed with shopping etc so they were on the back foot to start with.

However she has 8 double wardrobes full of clothes and shoes, he has a fancy camera, a brand new £2k mountain bike when he just wanted one.

I think it's all a case of financial priorities.

My household is not in that income bracket but we do much better with money despite having 3 children.

I left uni with no debt other than the student loans as I grafted my arse off in a warehouse in the summer hols. I bought a cheapish house soon as I could and rented 2 rooms out to lodgers and worked as hard as I could so overpaid my mortgage and I never buy anything I can't afford.

Comments such as 'hard work will give you a nice lifestyle' really piss me off. The suggestion that those of us who earn less than the national average don't work hard is incredibly patronising. I am one of those people with a job in the public sector, I work with children and parents and I work bloody hard, often bringing work home at weekends and doing unpaid overtime. OP, the people I know who have the lives you are talking about do have debt but they also have something very important, a safety net of parents with money. I personally think that's why the debt doesn't worry them as much as it would me.

I always think that people have different priorities about what they want to spend their money on. Unless you are genuinely really poor, most people have selective poverty. Different things are important to different people, so they might be doing without some things that another person would consider a necessity, in order to have a nice car or an expensive holiday. They might be going without stuff that you would never dream of going without, so they can have something you feel you just can't afford. I personally choose to spend lot of money on holidays, because that is important to me and my family. My son is has a life limiting condition, so I want him to have as many nice experiences as possible, but my home is very basic, and I don't have a fancy IPhone or many of the luxurious items, many people consider to be necessities these days. Its often just a matter of priorities.

Do you sleep well at night? Do you quake when someone bangs harshly on your door? That is all you need to know x

Piggypoo,
I love your honesty and your very correct as looks can be very deceiving.
BabySafari, don't concern yourself about other people's lives or you will drive yourself mad.

I think its a matter of priority. My friend recently commented to me that she could never afford to travel as much as we do. She earns far more than me. I once went on holiday with her and the amount of money she brought with her was insane. She just spent it on crap as well. She wont walk anywhere gets taxis etc buys loads of souveniers, gets lunch in a pub instead of just from a shop even though shes going out for dinner as well.... so the thing is she really could afford to travel as much as we do its just that there are other things she is spending her money on.
I also know people who earn far more than me who never seem to do anything but they have far nicer newer cars or a massive mortgage on a lovely home. People all have different financial priorities and i think you can look like you are living quite a luxury lifestyle without actually spending that much of your income if you have saved it from elsewhere. For example i never buy new clothes, i get them all from charity shops, we dont have a tv, we dont own our home, but we manage to go on holiday several times a year because thats what we like to spend our money on. Thats what we prioritise because it makes us happy.

Warriormum1 totally agree sorry i didnt read you post before i wrote mine and its basically the same points!

Hi @Babysafari, I get asked this question a lot. Rarely face to face, usually on social media or on one of my websites. For the record, I don't mind being asked! We travel full time, 35 countries, 5 continents, 3 cruises in the last 3 years, ( with 2 kids) so it looks like neither of us really has a job. We do, I work a lot of hours on the websites and that's what funds us. But it's all about realising that you don't need so much "stuff" I own 2 pairs of jeans and a pair of leggings, they are mostly all I wear. Imagine the cost of buying a "typical" wardrobe. I doubt anyone thinks I look "poor" jeans and a shirt don't give much away about finances. We don't have a TV, a satellite subscription, loads of furniture, no " window dressing" at all. But our lives are extremely happy and fulfilling. I don't get my hair or nails done, that's saved thousands over the years. We don't have monthly phone bills, we have zero debt. It's just being ultra careful with money and looking at life differently. We'll be back in London in a few days, even here we can manage without me taking a "normal" job. It's about finding different ways.

I am sure most of us know that some people are in such low paid work or cannot gbet work that no matter how many coffees they gave up they would never be able to buy a bed sit never mind a car. However for others on more middle incomes and higher incomes there are choices that are made such as giving up full time work when children come along. I do think the initial career choice matters in your teens. My boys have a careers day and the teenagers at that this week are asking about prospects, pay, highest and lowest pay in that sector etc etc. That is a sensible discussion for our teenagers to have even if their first love is drawing or whatever. Not that money makes anyone happy. On another thread someone is saying going to Disney is the way to true happiness for children and dont' you want them to be truly happy and I'm thinking happiness for my chidlren is being on a beach alone with no one else around or looking with a toddler at a butter cup on a lawn which tends to cost nothing if you are lucky enough to have a local park or even a butter cup flower through the cracks on a pavement.

I agree with people writing about when did you buy your flat. The earlier people can buy and ideally before children come along the better. Not easy of course. It is £60k to buy a 2 bed house where part of our famly are and more like £300k for flat in this bit of London. With two full time professional salaries you can just about do it on a 95% mortgage but not something many people can manage even before babies come along.

It's something I'm quite nosey about too. Out of the people I know well with a nice lifestyle, two have well paid jobs although work shifts so it might not appear as though they work as hard as they do. One has debt that would keep me awake at night, one had her first mortgage aid off by her insurance company after a very serious illness but would swap her "lifestyle" to be back in good health in a heartbeat and one gets a lot of parental help.

I haven't included myself in that because with my 2 bedroom home and old car, I don't think anyone wonders about my lifestyle!

Some people appear to have it all and most likely it's all on tick. They may be happy-go-lucky types who don't worry about bad things: serious illness, redundancy, etc. Some types just float through life and nothing nasty seems to touch them - or they take life as it comes with a half-full attitude. To the worriers among us it all seems so easy for them but our more realistic ways may help us to cope better when things go wrong.

There's a strange irony also that earning more attracts other, unexpected benefits. Eg, DH and I have been with the same high street bank for our joint and current accounts for years, then out of the blue had a letter from them saying that as our joint earnings take us over a certain threshold we automatically qualify for rewards such as free cinema tickets, English heritage membership, restaurant discounts etc. we both spoke of the irony that people with more money can afford to pay for these type of things themselves, it's more people on lower incomes who would struggle to afford them in the first place.

(And usually the bank's deals haev a catch which mean the special offers are not worth it by the way. We turned down Coutts which Nat West was offering me because you had to pay more and it meant worse not better on line access (at the time they asked us)).

I know what you mean Letty and have turned down such offers in the past about paying a bit extra per month for supposed benefits, but this particular one we don't pay a penny extra for, it's an automatic 'reward' for paying a certain amount into the accounts annually.

TheHobbitMum I hope you don't mind me asking where do you find your holidays I've been looking and can't seem to find any good deals