To sometimes wonder how people afford their lifestyles?

[Babysafari]

Most people that I know appear to have really nice lifestyles. New cars, really nice houses all done out immaculate and on nice roads. Holidays abroad several times a year to nice places too. I've also noticed that most of the parents at school pick their dc up themselves (I'm on maternity leave). There are loads of dads at the school gates too and a lot of mums and dads do the school runs together. A lot of these people are really young too.

One of the dads is a road sweeper so won't be being paid loads and his wife doesn't work, yet they are always doing the school run together but they seem to have the above lifestyle.

Me and dh have a decent household income, hardly rich but 50k, we're not struggling at all but our cars are old, we can only afford cheap holidays, dh works really long hours and is never there for school runs.

I'm not being deliberately envious, logically I know they could have family help or anything I guess people just make it look so easy, I wonder how they do it.

Being mortgage free through gifts or inheritance makes a massive difference. Imagine not having to pay out your rent or mortgage payment every month. I would be £800 a month better off. £800 is large enough to pay for a few expensive holidays a year.

Inheritance can be a huge factor. A friend of my DB has benefited from a huge inheritance funnel. Only child of only children of only children has meant that an awful lot of capital has come his way. He is a professional in the same area as me but is many times more wealthy than me.

Not having to worry about keeping the roof over your head can also make it easier to take risks with your career. Becoming a partner for a firm of accountants or solicitors can open big financial doors but to do so you may have to work for no money for a year or two as 'payment' for the partnership. Much easier to do if you can be sure that your family will not starve or freeze in that time.

How many children you have can make significant difference to the lifestyle level you can afford.

We have three DCs. This has meant that we have never been able to take advantage of bargain holidays with free child places as they all seem to be aimed at families of 4. Same with booking hotel rooms. Family room is for 4 so we end up having to book an extra room.

When we had 3 DCs in car seats we needed a bigger car as 3 car seats wouldnt fit along the back seat.

Now the DCs are older we see the significant cost of housing, food, laundry, furniture, utilities.

practy exactly, and in London rent/ mortage is often much more money than that, considering that a two bedroom flat in a half decent area goes for £1200-1600 pm.

That makes a MASSIVE difference in the lifestyle a family can afford.

Yes and it is why people who have managed to pay off mortgages in their 50s or 60s and are still working, tend to have much more disposable income than younger people. For most people their biggest monthly outlay, unless they pay school fees, is mortgage or rent.

Yes, once children are off your hands things tend to be a bit cheaper. I have about 5 years before that is so and it will make a big difference. The most difficult time was working fll time with big mortgage and full time childcare for 3 children as we both worked full time and those 3 were a baby, a 1 year old and a 3 year old at one point.

I hope to have nothing when I did and I want to work full time until I die so I am hoping that I now have about 20 years at least of fairly high earnings most of which will be after I stop supporting children and that if they need it I can help the children although within reason. If children are given things on a plate they often don't try very hard. I will make sure each of them has the same sum towards a house deposit if I can.

We find people (and my family) expect that we must be really well off as I'm a sahm and my husband is very high up in the police force.

Truthfully we are not well off at all, the tax man takes a huge chunk and my sister on benefits has more disposable income each month than we do. But I also know if we wanted/needed to we could reduce our outgoings, life would just be much less fun then.

We had support in buying our 2 newish, top of the range cars - pil had a lump sum from a court case and bought them - we've been paying them back a monthly amount and as and when top ups and have just paid them off.
Had support from my parents for the deposit on our house (still laying this back, monthly) but it meant our mortgage is cheaper than our then rent for a bigger house.
Bought in a very cheap area - and an ex council house (much more house for our money compared to new builds).
We prioritise holidays over other stuff (we don't have nights out or smoke for example) and look for deals (though have to do school holidays as I teach)

Practy - That is so true. I currently pay £850 a month mortgage. Due to inheritance, I will be paying nothing in a few weeks time. It will make a massive difference to our quality of life.as we have struggled financially for many years. Shame this only happens under such sad circumstances. I have always been very frugal buying from Ebay and bargain bins ( loaves of bread 12p etc)and I don't think that will chnageas I don't see the point in paying more for a holiday/ food etc than is really necessary.

So basically to sum up the thread - either they have more money than you think they do (eg they earn more than you think, have second jobs, an inheritance, a lotto win, family paying for some of the things they have/do), or they spend less than you think (eg getting free childcare, bargain hunting, different spending habits like not smoking/drinking/eating meat/eating out/buying many clothes, having bought property long time ago so not paying out for as big a mortgage) - or are up to their eyeballs in debt.

Most people with a bigger lifestyle than you'd expect them to have it'll be the first two in some form or another, being in excessive debt isn't that common, even though there's a MN view that everyone with more stuff than you is obviously maxed out on half a dozen cards rather than just thinking they have more coming in than you thought.

Was another "how do they afford that lifestyle?" thread were a much more sensible MNer said something like "you only see what people spend, not what they don't spend".

I work in a job where I get to find out other people's incomes! Some people have a decent wage and lots of debt, several remortgages etc.
On the other hand my DH has his own fairly successful company and works from home so often picks DD up from school. I also have the benefit of flexible hours so will be at school sometimes too.
Don't be fooled by flash lifestyles some people can truly afford it but others are in huge debt

I can give you two examples of people who seem to have a great lifestyle.

One is a mum I know, she's single, disabled and has two dc, one of whom is disabled as well. She's a bloody genius at tracking down deals, vouchers and offers, manages to get out with the kids every weekend on about £1 or something crazy. She ropes in the dads of her kids to help or a friend who also has kids and they go off and do all sorts. Her house has a tiny mortgage as she bought it years ago before she became disabled. Because she's stuck at home most of the week she uses that time to hunt down the deals.

Another one is a single mum, two kids. Has brand new everything, goes on loads of holidays, always getting new pets, jewelry, latest phone etc. Every single thing is bought on credit. She's up to her eyes in debt.

I've been in a position where I've had very little and although we are better off now, I'm still very careful with money and hunt down bargains where I can. I'm also disabled so my time is spent saving my family money by looking for deals where I can and looking for vouchers for days out.

It's often down to choices and priorities. We live in a bigger house than most people in our family, but rarely go out to dinner or go on holiday. Another family member LOVES holidays abroad, but has a much smaller house and an old car. Another family member is crazy about cars, so has an expensive one, but never goes out to eat and rarely goes on holiday. A friend has quite a small house, but has a massive pension pot. I don't know anyone that has everything though!

Hi Babysafari - Had an almost identical conversation with my other half the other night.
We are not extravagant at all, hardly go out (three times so far this year) and are gobsmacked by the hols, car etc that some people have.
We are currently pulling our belts in still further so that we can afford some spending money for our camping holiday.
Yes, I do count my blessings - roof over my head, food on the table, healthy children. But sometimes get a little weary at living hand to mouth. And please, no lectures about working hard - we work our arses off!

to some extent it's just choices. We don't have a flash car and don't go on expensive holidays- our money is all tied up in our house. But that's how we want it to be. We could be in a house worth £200k plus less, and do more holidays/cars... but I'm hoping that we'll be able to use our equity to help the DC when they come to start out in life.

I'm not saying one's better than the other, there are definitely arguments both ways. But it's easy to see where the money's going!

I feel the same way sometimes. DH and I have a combined income which puts us in the '8th income decile' apparently and yet we live in a slightly shabby house on an estate, have elderly cars, and haven't been abroad since 2005.

I mainly WFH in a professional job. I can imagine people could easily think I don't work. DH works 2 jobs, most people wouldn't know this.
Mortgage paid off could also be very true. I know several couples in 40s where this is true - small northern town, cheap housing. So bought first house age 21 paid off now.
Another one on mumsnet I remember from a few years ago was someone who was being badgered to get a job as her children were older. She had previously had a well paid job with fantastic benefits and had a chronic health condition and as a result got a decent monthly payment from an insurance policy.
Compensation payouts could also be an explanation for some.

Why would it ever be unreasonable to wonder something?

Of course YANBU. You are, however, IMHO, wasting time and energy on something pointless and inconsequential to your own life BUT you can spend your time how you wish...

there are so many variables that it's doubtful you could have any insight into why this is the case for some. I have a good job and have always worked. I struggle, am usually 'up against it', only holidays are if I visit family, however I do try and go camping in UK once per year. My clothes are old, my shoes are worn till they are too shoddy for work (!), my hair is cut twice per year and I rarely go out.

I am happy and feel truly blessed/lucky whatever you want to call it. I have a DD who is everything you could want for a DD. I have an amazing brother and sister who are there for me always. I had a dad who I've realised sisnce he died 3 years ago, was the most amazing dad ever and continues to be - lots of my friends tell me how lucky we are to have had such a father. I have outstanding friends who are like family.

I would not trade one single thing to have a slightly easier life. Perspective. My dad died penniless (having been a high flyer, private schools for his kids, huge houses, month holidays abroad every year, ponies and horses for his kids, cars for our 18th birthdays - you get the picture) yet he was happiest without a penny but with his soul mate of 8 years.

Perspective.

A family I know from school appeared to have the perfect life. £million+ house, own business, exotic holidays, status cars. Alcoholics, never speak to each other, worked 24 hrs per day, DS extremely unhappy, hated parents, always wanted other ppl around. Now separated and going through very tricky and horrible divorce.

Perspective.

It's OK to wonder sometimes, but it should be fleeting and forgotten. We need to focus on our own circumstances and learn to be happy and thankful for what we have. Took me 40 odd years to work that out but life is better than ever since learning and continuing to focus on what my life is and those close to me. Forget everyone else - we're bombarded about what we should have, what we must have, what we need. Most of it is just 'stuff' and we don't need it at all.

Being happy takes effort and focus - on the right things.

Hope this doesn't seem preachy - really not meaning it that way

We have 2 newish cars, 3 holidays a year and a lovely house. House is rented HA so rent is below market rate. That free up a huge amount. My car was a cat D write off so again half market value! And all holidays are either half price with work discount or done with club card vouchers. Dh works days and I work evenings so we don't have to pay childcare. You don't have to have thousands in debt to have a nice life

You might want to wonder how they sleep at night. I have a friend like that and she has, wait for it, £28000 credit and store card debt.

dont buy it, its like people who are insta rich.
I know this guy and he is known as insta rich, has around 50k followers. Everyone on insta thinks he has money when i went to his house he literally had no furniture. He had a buy one get one free sofa set and a tv in his living room that was it. Everything in his home was old or cheap which isnt an issue but the way he went on like he lives in a palace and he insults "broke" people every minute.
He rents his cars and buys designer clothes, wears them and takes them back to the store even his jewellery was fake.

You would never think it because he is in Dubai every minute but apparently he uses women to buy him things.

All is not what it seems with people.

A lot depends on job/career- for example, field sales reps will get a decent bonus if they meet/exceed targets. The bonus isn't guaranteed so when you do get it you can spend it on nice things, overpay on the mortgage etc. Add to that a company car with free/cheap mileage, lunch allowance etc and overall it makes for a nice lifestyle- if you're materialistic. The flip side is long/irregular hours that aren't always family friendly and the constant pressure- failure to meet targets consistently creates a lot of stress and some companies use "poor performance" to manage people out of a joke b.

*job!

Interesting question.

For us, far flung holidays in the past were due to working for an airline, school fees for two are due to family help and inheritance, property - flat in London doubled in value over the past ten years so when we sell, we will have a decent chunk of cash towards our next place and a small mortgage on a much larger property further out of the city.

I am a bargain hunter by nature and am always looking for good deals. We don't have a flashy car and I buy clothes in sales and so on. We live abroad at the mo and go back to the UK relatively often. Family sometimes pay for the flights (£750/each x4 adds up!). We also use points/airmiles etc and drive rather than fly on holiday (USA). We stay at amazing hotels along the way, all covered by points. We have a yearly drive up to NYC in December and again, stay at fab hotels but never pay cash for them.

The one thing I've always found so unfair is that the more money you have, the easier it is to make money.

I walk round in designer clothes, much to my SIL's annoyance, she has her own business and can't afford to dress like me. Things are not as they appear, I volunteer at a charity shop where I buy the clothes for a quid each, I enter competitions, and last year was lucky enough to win a trip to a health spa and a holiday to Greece, I get my hair done at the local beauty college for a fiver, and I shop at Asda when the food's reduced. I have shit bugger all in the bank but you'd never know! Things are never as they appear! :)