To think I shouldn't pay for replacement GHD hair straighteners

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.

My wife has a pair of 5 year old God hair straighteners. They have an intermittent wiring fault that means they are very much hit and miss in their operation.

She'd used them last night and left them plugged in and balanced precariously on the mantle piece with the wire dangling down. As I walked into the lounge this morning I got my foot caught around the trailing wire (nearly going flying in the process) and pulled the straighteners off the mantelpiece and onto the stone floor below.

I've had a series of angry texts demanding that I buy her a new pair of ghd straighteners at a cost of £100 plus. (We have separate finances)

I think she's being unreasonable. Because

A) They were a knackered pair of straighteners on their last legs that she would have needed to replace anyway in the next few months.

B) left in such a stupid place they were bound to get damaged and cause an accident in the process.

I've offered £30 towards the cost of a replacement, but she is adamant I should pay the full cost of a new pair.

AIBU?

As I said this 12 months have been tough and it has taken some readjustment, but I can't see an alternative. I really think out attitudes to money are so different that a joint account would never work. We are well suited in other ways but poles apart when it comes to money. Financially I'd be worse off with a joint account as she tends to spend what she has however much she earns whereas my inclination is to hold back and keep a bit by for emergencies.

My husband would just buy me a new pair if he broke them, if I broke something of his I'd replace it too. Very weird that this is such a big issue to you.

The more you post "Like", the more unequal your relationship seems.

If you had a joint account, would your wife really spend whatever was in it, thus run the risk of bills etc not getting paid?

That's very sad, LikeDylan. You say that a joint account wouldn't work for you but what if you had three accounts between you - yours, hers and one for both of you. The bills that you currently both pay would come from your separate accounts and personal necessities and into the third one, you'd put any leftover money in for you both to do stuff together as a couple.

You sound quite resigned to your 'lot' and it really doesn't need to be that way. As said by a previous poster, your relationship sounds very unequal. I just can't imagine, if my husband's income dropped, that I would carry on buying shoes and handbags and letting him struggle. I just wouldn't. Nor would I go on holiday with others and not make the effort to pay for a holiday for us as a couple. You say that you weren't 'fussed'; I get that but I bet you were hurt.

I don't like the sound of your partner actually, she sounds selfish. I realise that I only know what you've posted and only your side but, assuming that it's a fair representation, I wouldn't put up with it.

It's true what Kiss says too. If your partner would have posted what you did, she'd be advised to leave you for financial abuse.

No, she always pays the bills, but she spends nearly to the penny what she earns (not a vast amount, under 20k) each month but manages to avoid going into debt generally but by pounds and pence. I would try and keep some back. She would probably say I was being stingy and squirreling money away.

whereas my inclination is to hold back and keep a bit by for emergencies

You do realise that for a woman straighteners would be on emergency list...I do agree with others who say don't get GHD's

However I hope this turns into far less of a drama than it would be

Sorry lying her share of the bills. We both contribute to them equally.

I understand. It does sound though that when the bills are paid (that you both pay equally), she has some disposable income left and you don't. She then spends up to a residual few pounds left in the account.

It still doesn't sound fair to me. I earn more than my husband so I pay more of the bills, it's proportionate. If you're on a stipend now then the fair thing to do would be to both re-assess the total bills and pay them in accordance with the monies that you both have so that you both have some money to spend after they've been paid.

I think the straighteners is a bit of a blue herring really, this is about your joint finances.

Well if I was in a relationship ship where the deal was 'I pay X amount into a joint account and then I can do whatever I want regardless of the financial situation if my DH' then yes I would be spending it my way (I'd she us never going into debt, I would assume she actually has a quite good sense of how much she spends)
The error there is to keep everything 50/50 fur bulls which leaves you with nothing and her with some (enough fur extras).
Have you not discuss that and asked yourself if holidays fur example shouldnt go out the joint account rather than each account? Have you discussed a situation where she will put more in the account if she is really earning more?
Or discuss savings and 'pocket money'?
Fur me it sounds very strange be cause the bottom line is, you are married therefore whatever you each have is 50% the other. You can save but half of the savings is hers (same with debts too).
That's why once married, working on an assumption of 'my' account and 'your' account is hard.

A general rule fur me would be
Everything in the pot, X amount savings (if possible - budget needed), Y amount each of 'pocket money' to do as you please. Holidays and days out from the common pot. As well as appliances etc... (You could wonder if the straighteners would go into that category).

Putting myself in your wife's position I would be angry and might get a strop on for a minute. I wouldn't ask my OH to completely fund a new pair but would ask for something towards them...so I wpuld have been happy with the initial offer. We are not married and also split all household bills equally and the rest is in our own accounts to do what we want with. We probably have roughly equal amounts left over at the end of the month. I find the idea of entirely joint money a little odd but different strokes for different folks

what i find more odd is that you are texting each other to sort this out. what sort of marriage is that? lol very very odd. that aside its her fault. she didn't put them away and you could have fallen and been injured. She pays for them herself or goes without.

We always just had joint accounts so the whole thing is alien (and £100 is nothing given what we earn) and we both were similarly careful with money.

Here she spends differently from her other half so it's wise to keep money separate. As for who should pay here it is the sort of toxic issue which could leave to a break up ultimately if there are any such disputes so probably better just to pay up to keep things harmonious and be careful not to trip over wires in future.

I would just buy new ones 4 her, don't really matter who broke them ghds are important thing to a woman and hers are broken sometimes it's just good to be nice! At the end of the day she is ur wife! U will be down £100 but u will have a happy wife

How odd to communicate/quarrel with your other half by text Do you not live in the same house ?

Buy cloud nine and start using joint finances.

To be honest, the most unreasonable aspect is the separate finances, and the angry texts demanding new ones.

Don't you see your wife? It's not something I would see the need to be sending the texts throughout the day for.

Not my business in anyone's case. But my son and his partner do this separate finances thing, they "borrow" money from each other and then pay back. Weird, weird, weird.

If this were to happen in my case, it would simply be a case of checking if the current account could fund the item, and then go and buy them, the end. They're a household appliance.

But in case of your question, she left them in a silly place so it's her fault.

However, as you are a married couple (all that I have I share with you and all that) go and buy them.

Over £100 for hair straighteners?! 😳 Eff that! My husband wouldn't even let me have anything that expensive just for my hair in the first place. Anyway, to the point don't you have contents insurance? Surely you could just claim on that?

We have separate finances for similar reasons to the OP. We've had joint finances in the past and it led to a great deal of unhappiness. dh is better with money now, but I need to feel in control of my 'pot' as things went very wrong in the past and I'd find it very stressful to be worrying about his spending. Keeping things separate with an agreement about how much we contribute works for us.

Sounds to me that the OP's relationship is generally stressed because they just don't currently have enough financial security.

Anyway, to the point don't you have contents insurance? Surely you could just claim on that?

It would depend on the excess, and claiming might push their premiums up more than £100 straighteners are worth.

Does she do anything from you that she doesn't charge you for like putting your clothes in with her washing, filling the dishwasher or cooking for you?

If you were with me I would think that perhaps I should start behaving more like a flatmate and less than a wife. There is something in marriages called good will, you know?

You may be tight with money, sorry, a saver but it is probably, what you see as her overspending, is what allows you to have a nice life at no cost to your wallet.

Anything FOR you

To summarise for those still bleating about the same things -

The straighteners were already fucked. Due to dodgy wiring they were working sporadically. Owner would have had to replace them, and they had been like this for some months.

They were left on the mantle piece, and I believe not fully on the mantle. They were left plugged in, and the plug position on the other side of the door, so the wire would have been trailing.

Op is getting ready for work, in the morning and she was still in bed sleeping. He walked into the room, didn't see the wire and the straighteners fell. He took a glance, didn't appear damaged and put them to one side. And he left for work.

She later text about the broken ghd's and he text back should be more careful where you leave them.

He offered a partial payment towards new straighteners. She wants it in full.

Oh and they have separate finances because she doesn't budget enough to ensure there is money for the rest of the month. once the bills are paid she spends everything. She earns more. She has more disposable income than him.

Think that's everything.

I still say. No he shouldn't pay them. And more fool the rest of you who would pay if your husbands left their shit in stupid places. Can I come round? I will leave my iPad on the floor and await for you to step on it and you can get me a replacement?

Reversed, you would be told to leave the bastard and you are going through financial abuse.

I say no, don't pay.

I once came in from a night out quite pissed and left my lovely new shoes at the bottom of the stairs and collapsed into bed.

The next morning I woke up to discover (then) dp's puppy (he got her before we got together) had chewed the buggery out of one of them.

I was really pissed off. With myself. I knew I shouldn't have left them there but just couldn't be arsed to put them out of the way. I didn't ask dp to replace them because it was my fault even though it was his bloody dog.

I'm also not sure why posters are asking why op & his wife are texting, I'm assuming he was at work all day?!

Over £100 for hair straighteners?! Effthat! My husband wouldn't even let me have anything that expensive*
Your husband wouldn't let you?. Blimey!

Any chance your wife put them where she did, knowing (hoping) that they'd hit the floor and so giving her an excuse to get you to buy her a new pair?
Did she ask if you were ok? And what would've happened if you'd broken your ankle and couldn't work?
Personally, I think she's the one that needs to do any apologising and there's no way you should have to pay for a replacement pair of straighteners. Your only contribution could be to put a hook in the wall, the same side of the door frame as the plug socket, on which she can hang the new straighteners that she can buy herself out of this months' wages. To expect you to even contribute to a new pair is really fucking cheeky!! There's a rule known as the 'chain of causation' - it boils down to her leaving her straighteners in a really stupid, dangerous place. If she hadn't left them where she did, you wouldn't have tripped over them. Definitely not your fault!