My OH and I had what I would say is our first proper arguement. He was off with me, I asked him what was up and he told me he doesn't like how I speak to him sometimes. He says I snap at him when he asks me stuff and make comments which make him feel a bit rubbish.
Now I totally know I do this (well not the comments bit, I don't like that), but I can see me doing this and understand why I feels like that. But the reason is because I am so fed up of him asking me things before he has even remotely thought about the answer for himself. It drives me crazy.
For example:
After our darling little dog decided to wee on the floor - where's the floor cleaner? It's always in the same place and he knows this. I said where do you think it could be and he tells me where it is. So why ask me?!
Changing our DS - has he got clothes? You know full well he does and you know where they are kept.
Making tea - how do I cook this/how long does this take? Read the bloody packaging.
These are a tiny few examples of the automatic questions I get constantly (I should note these are not my actual responses but what I'm screaming in my head(. Now I 100% wouldn't have any objection if he had taken a second to think and genuinely didn't know but this is simple stuff that he could quite easily use his own brain to work out. I explained this to him and also explained that when he is helping out with DS or Making dinner it's so great but with the constant questions I feel like I be aswell have done it myself! And it doesn't give me a chance to switch off. He says I'm weird and that that's how people communicate and he doesn't understand why I get so annoyed. I said how will he learn if he keeps asking me, how does he think i know these things or find out when he asks me?! Then he stomped off to the shower and we've not spoken since (this was about 10.30 last night).
Am I right to be so frustrated by it? I feel bad to make him feel rubbish but It really does drive me crazy. If he just thought about things for a split second he'd know the answer to most of the questions he asks me! Arghhhh.
AIBU?
To fall out with OH over questions?!
Georgeofthejungle · 16/06/2016 07:52
cornberry
I'm very sorry but it's not sexist it's simply a fact that men, for whatever reason, on the whole do not get things done as efficiently at home. If you have an exception living with you then that's great. My OH is a wonderful human being but he has never once had the initiative to clean the bathroom or make sure we have enough bin bags. It's not sexist, it's a fact.
The fact is that your OH is lazy, lacks initiative and views these menial chores as "women's work" which is frankly disrespectful 
He must think that he is far too important to empty the bins or clean the loo. Lovely.
I think MN is changing the dynamics of my marriage in many ways.
Text from DH "Mate X is coming over on Friday night to help with the babysitting" [I was on a rare solo night out]
Me "It's called parenting" I included a pic of the bloke in the t-shirt with the slogan. Not passive aggressive at all me...
No response to that 
at chorizo paper.
DH was 'helping' prepare a salad. I passed him the cucumber, knife and chopping board. He picked the cucumber up, looked it up and down then asked 'how do you get the film off it?' What he really meant was do I cut a chunk off then remove film, or take it off the whole thing. What does it matter? Just do it how you like FFS!
He's pretty good around the house. Does a more thorough job than me with cleaning, but get him in the kitchen and he acts like he's 5. It's painful to see his body language as he is so uncomfortable and holds his breath whilst performing food prep tasks . He needs reassurance with every single thing, even asking, when preparing something for himself, 'how much of this do I have?' It drives me insane.
Also, he's such a perfectionist that it's so much quicker and easier to do it myself rather than explain and wait 10 minutes for him to peel a potato.
He's another one who can't see anything if it's not right in front of him and never knows which cupboard any lesser used items from dishwasher go in, so leaves them out for me to put away. I've started ignoring stupid questions and I talk him through where the dishwasher stuff goes instead of doing it myself, in the hope he'll remember next time.
He means well, he really does, but it's so frustrating at times.
Stayachild I totally get the perfectionist thing!! My OH always says to me 'oh you are so quick at making sandwiches' (or similar) and I think to myself well that's cus I don't piss about making sure everything is precision cut! 
To put another slant on this, I don't believe this is a male brain thing at all. Because:
I recently learned to drive. When I was in the car with dh, I would make stupid mistakes, forget to look in mirrors, ask him what lane to go in, ask him if that sign for no right turn meant I could not turn right. That sort of thing. Yet when I was with my driving instructor, I was a perfectly competent driver. Dh said to me that I obviously just relied on him too much to be the one responsible for me not killing us. Once I passed my test and had some experience driving by myself, I stopped relying on him and stopped being an idiot when he was in the car.
And yet, he still does the shit talked about in this thread and insists he's not sexist.
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