To fall out with OH over questions?!

[Georgeofthejungle]

My OH and I had what I would say is our first proper arguement. He was off with me, I asked him what was up and he told me he doesn't like how I speak to him sometimes. He says I snap at him when he asks me stuff and make comments which make him feel a bit rubbish.
Now I totally know I do this (well not the comments bit, I don't like that), but I can see me doing this and understand why I feels like that. But the reason is because I am so fed up of him asking me things before he has even remotely thought about the answer for himself. It drives me crazy.

For example:
After our darling little dog decided to wee on the floor - where's the floor cleaner? It's always in the same place and he knows this. I said where do you think it could be and he tells me where it is. So why ask me?!

Changing our DS - has he got clothes? You know full well he does and you know where they are kept.

Making tea - how do I cook this/how long does this take? Read the bloody packaging.

These are a tiny few examples of the automatic questions I get constantly (I should note these are not my actual responses but what I'm screaming in my head(. Now I 100% wouldn't have any objection if he had taken a second to think and genuinely didn't know but this is simple stuff that he could quite easily use his own brain to work out. I explained this to him and also explained that when he is helping out with DS or Making dinner it's so great but with the constant questions I feel like I be aswell have done it myself! And it doesn't give me a chance to switch off. He says I'm weird and that that's how people communicate and he doesn't understand why I get so annoyed. I said how will he learn if he keeps asking me, how does he think i know these things or find out when he asks me?! Then he stomped off to the shower and we've not spoken since (this was about 10.30 last night).

Am I right to be so frustrated by it? I feel bad to make him feel rubbish but It really does drive me crazy. If he just thought about things for a split second he'd know the answer to most of the questions he asks me! Arghhhh.

[Autumnchill]

OH: which gate do we need to go to?
Me: you have your ticket
OH: yes but what gate is it? Is it gate M?
Me: What does it say on your ticket
OH: Gate M

[lookbeforeyouleap]

My DP does this too. Drives me bonkers.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

I caught him putting double the recommended amount of fabric conditioner in the wash the other night and my immediate reaction was "Wtf are you doing?! Have you actually looked at how you're meant to use that?" Of course, he hadn't. I explained that there's a handy line in the cap to show him how much and he was just baffled by this.

I stopped buying concentrated washing up liquid because DH seems totally incapable of realising that you don't put in the same amount as you would if it was unconcentrated.

[Georgeofthejungle]

Totally agree something - hence why I wanted to do something about it. If you read the thread you'll see some more info.

[Georgeofthejungle]

We've had another incident but noted improvement.

In the conservatory.

OH She's too hot George (the dog).
Me OK
OH What should we do
Me Ermmmm
OH Oh she likes ice cubes, let's see if there is any.

This training proramme is going well!

[waitingforsomething]

It sounds a little irritating but it's very hurtful to speak to someone like this regularly. If he spoke to you like that every day how would you feel? I would be very upset if I were you that I'd made someone feel shit. Perhaps he just doesn't feel all that self confident, or perhaps he thinks you'll snap at him if he gets it wrong so best to check. Perhaps he can't win?

Can't help thinking if you had posted saying your DH spoke to you like this all the time Mn would have something to say about it.

[PumpkinPies38]

Today my husband was out and on his way home and I texted him asking him to collect four grocery items from the supermarket. He replied "do we just need those three things?" I said actually it's four things and listed them again. He then called me from the supermarket on the same phone the text was on asking what the things were as he was having a mental block.

[Vickyyyy]

Ah, yes, I know this pain so well!
I often reply to inane and pointless questions from my Dp with Noises rather than words.
Just noises.
Like "Uuuurgh?" And "Eeeeeeh?"
Cos some of the questions just don't warrant words anymore.

--

I may try this, I expect I will just get the 'are you crazy' look

[Vickyyyy]

I have the exact same issue, and he has the same issue with me too...apparently I am snappy with him. Well yes, I get 200 questions a day from our 3 year old, I do not need the same thing from a fully grown adult. It has been the same thing now for 9 years...drives me crazy. I thought it was just us so reading this thread is refreshing lol

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

keep at it, he'll get the message eventually!

[Georgeofthejungle]

Oh no! We've had a regression!!!!

Background info.. Family BBQ. Sausages on the BBQ at end of the day when everyone has had their fill. Everyone sitting inside.

It went like this...

OH What will i put the sausages in?
Me What do you want to put them in?
OH I don't know, are people wanting more?
Me I don't know. You're doing it again.
OH I'm not, I genuinely want some advice on this.
Me I really don't care what you put the susuages in.
OH stomps off to the kitchen to find something to put the sausages in, comes back with a perfect dish full of sausages and offers people a sausage.
The end.

I did good didn't I?! :D

I'm actually laughing out loud at this - genuine need for advice on sausage containers! He actually picked a better dish than I would have suggested!

[Meeep]

DH does this, then if I sigh he says I should WANT to help him - that's what marriage is about! Then I feel like a bitch.

[Momoftwoscallywags]

My husband used to do this, all the bloody time! In his defense his Mother did everything for him when he lived with his parents so he thought it was normal! Soon put him right on that!

He would ask what time the supermarket opened! Sarcastic response would be "Let me use my physic powers" Less sarcastic response would be " Ring them".

He would ask where his shirts were! I would go all dramatic and ask who had broken in and stole the wardrobe and was anything else missing! or respond "in the ironing basket"

He would ask where his keys were! so I would tell him that I had never seriously thought about becoming a magnet and was wondering if it was possible or I would give him a lecture on how much it would cost to replace our locks if he had really lost his keys.

If he ever glanced in a cupboard/fridge etc and said item was not there I would just shrug my shoulders and say "The optician is going to make a pretty penny out of you" or " well you had better replace said item then"

Always hated that puppy dog expression he gave me when he said he had "helped me". Have been known to sarcastically say "What do you want, a ticker-take parade?".

We have had many an argument over "my attitude" and my response has always been I am not your Mother, I am not your PA, and I am certainly not your slave. If you want any of those, either go back to live with your parents, pay me a wage or wait to be arrested because slavery is illegal in this country.

Our first year together was the hardest because he really did try to make out I was being unreasonable just because I wouldn't stop what I was doing to run over to help him. He would get incredibly angry that, it his eyes, I was so unhelpful. I pointed out that he would not expect his work colleagues to do this, or his manger and if he genuinely really, really, really needed help he would ask for it in an adult way not like a fifteen year old who had been forced to do chores!

He still has his moments, but it is just a look now and he gets it sorted.

[redredread]

Like PPs, this is one of the reasons that XH and I split up. In response to "where is x?", I used to ask "where have you already looked?" He hated this, and in turn I was driven mad by the seemingly ceaseless questions about obvious and unimportant things. I'm with the PP who said they hate small talk. It felt like an endless reminder that responsibility for domestic and DC-related stuff was mine, with his "help" being both optional and apparently magnificent.

[pinkyredrose]

lauren you sound rather young. Small stuff? Upset him? You may like acting as your husbands mother but most women would prefer it if thier partners behaved with respect and responsibility.

[TipBoov]

My husband does this. It doesn't bother me too much, unless it's something he actually put away last!

[thedogdaysareover]

After years of cohabiting with constant questions from men like this, when I met my DH I decided the rules would be drawn in the sand. He does all the cooking and the shopping, I do everything else. So if I get a stupid question like "What shall I cook tonight?" Or "Do we need tea bags?" I say "Do not make me responsible for this decision. Do you happen to know if there is enough dark clothes in the wash to justify putting the machine on yet? Bet ya don't".
I will literally eat anything, I am a dustbin and he is a great cook, so this question.... He's slowed down a lot recently.

[cheminotte]

Great post Sera

[Camel14]

Are you married to my husband as well?!

[laurenwiltxx]

YABU they don't mean it to annoy you, its just habit. You must of known before you settled down with him. My Dp does it but no point getting annoyed you just upset him stress yourself out and cause a pointless bicker. Don't sweat the small stuff

[litlest1]

It's because you are there. Go out and just let them get on with it.

[BlurryFace]

A few times my DH would inform me he had (for example) "put away all the laundry for you, babe" to which I would reply "gee thanks, because it was only MY clothes that I washed and dried, wasn't it?". He stopped saying it qiuite quickly.

To be fair, he did grow up in a super old school environment when it came to housework and is actually very lovely and willing to look at my side of things when we fall out.

If I have a bad day and he comes home to a trashed lounge, partially clothed manic toddlers and me swearing at whatever I'm cooking he is always quick to tell me that my real job is looking after the kids, and that I should have a lie down after tea so he can put the kids to bed and tidy up. It's just taken him a while to catch on to noticing if things need doing because he never had to before we were together.

[agentmarmalade]

Ah, yes, I know this pain so well!
I often reply to inane and pointless questions from my Dp with Noises rather than words.
Just noises.
Like "Uuuurgh?" And "Eeeeeeh?"
Cos some of the questions just don't warrant words anymore.

[Tink06]

My oh does this too. The worse thing is he doesn't listen to the answer so asks again repeatedly. I refuse to answer after the first time n tell him that the answer hasn't changed since the first time he asked.
He also asks constant questions while watching TV. I try not to snap but how on earth do I know things he doesn't when we are watching the same thing.

[SunshineOutdoors]

I've either got an extremely rare breed of husband or I'm just a cow for feeling sorry for some of these men. Ive been the main person at home while dh works so can understand why he asks where things are. I sort things out/move things all the time. I'd I went to his place of work I'd be asking him far more questions. He does cook/dress children/find things/Hoover on his own though so maybe I've just managed to find a normal member of society. Don't put up with people not pulling their weight in your house - man or woman. need to buck own ideas up before dh starts similar thread on dadsnet