Friends behaviour towards this smoker

[Sherlocked1606]

I met a friend this morning for coffee, it was dry out so we sat outside at the café's table and chairs.

A few minutes after we sat done another couple sat down and proceeded to light a cigarette. Unfortunately due to the breeze the smoke was wafting towards us.

My friend asked the woman to not have her smoke in our direction the woman apologised and kind of moved her hand in a fan motion.

A few minutes later my friend was getting annoyed and asks again to stop the smoke traveling. The man at the other table just turned and glared at us.

My friend got out a small portable fan and turned it on and pointed it at the couple which loudly saying how selfish smokers are, how disgusting it was. People were starring and the couple (and me) was embarrassed. The couple then left.

I told my friend that she was being ridiculous and we could have moved. My friend seemed to think I wbu rather than her. Wsbu?

Ooooooh, I like that!
Automatically bar the gobby and rude!

Wouldn't it get a bit lonely though.....

How do you all cope when you are abroad on holiday? Seriously? I am a life long anti-smoker but just can't get worked up about people smoking outside.

Mother they don't. They shut up and put up until they are safely home and leave a bad one star review on trip advisor.

Why no lightbulb emoji?

majorly impressed by OP friends chutzpah

over eating is an addiction. So is smoking. But yes one does make a decision to be overweight, in that sense. I think both deserve sympathy. You clearly don't. But it's illogical as I don't see the difference in being addicted to one thing versus another.

Eh, I can see a difference. Both are addictions, but food is required in order to sustain life; I think it's easier to have sympathy for someone who's developed an addiction to something you have to have in order to survive. Plus, a lot of our tastes regarding food are influenced by our up-bringing - if you mom gives you a cookie every time you get upset, it's not really your fault if you develop of habit of eating cookies when you're upset.

You don't ever have to pick up a cigarette. That addiction is more of a choice in that sense, as you could always just choose not to start smoking in the first place.

That said, I'm not a smoker, I am fat, and frankly I don't care what anyone else does.

I think the fan was kind of funny, but the friend being rude and loud was not. I would have been embarrassed.

When #1 son was about 3, we were at the park and a man was sitting on the edge of the play area smoking. #1 son saw this and said, "smoking is bad, it is yucky, and it will make you sick!" I made him apologize.

Try looking at it this way. Each and every one of those "smokers are disgusting" set who give themselves permission to dehumanise smokers and think actions like this are hilarious and even rationalise it in a think of the children manner need to take a good hard look at themselves.
You are doing this because it's socially acceptable to vilify smokers. Had you lived 60 years ago you may well have given yourself permission to vilify women who got pregnant out of wedlock. 150 years ago those in workhouses may well have been your target. Yes, you would have thought you were justified then as they encourage loose morals and lead to the spread of disease (via unprotected sex or poor sanitary conditions). Diseases you may have even caught had you come into close contact with them.

Yes, smoking kills, primarily the smoker and yes there's a risk to others from passive smoking. However, this does not give you the right to view them as scum of the earth who barely deserve the term human to be applied to them. They do not deserve to be treated with ridicule by you or your children. It is not hilarious to wave a fan at them nor is it anything more than bad manners than to allow your child to exclaim a smoker is killing them.
This type of superior, smug attitude is what got the children of unmarried mothers adopted and moulded the victorian image of deserving and undeserving poor. Take a good look in the mirror and feel ashamed. The only reason you are getting away with it is because it has been sanctioned as socially acceptable and you have received the message the smokers are an undesirable section of society who need ostracising.

Well done you, well done.

A smoker knows they are addicted, they know they are probably killing themselves, they know it's viewed as worse than some forms of drug taking. They will pay the highest price both monetarily, socially, healthwise and basically in every way. There were more, polite ways this could have been broached without your friend resorting to ridicule and belittling.

IAmNotAMindReader

👏 iamnotamindreader

I'm a social smoker. I choose not to smoke around children or anyone eating. If I'm in a beer garden or on a night out I will. And as a PP said if I'm smoking somewhere that's "non-children" such as when I see my chums for lunch in the City I see that as an "adult location" so it's fair game.

Whilst this is diverting from the OP's experience it boils down to (excuse the pun) live and let live. If you smoke somewhere that's "kid friendly" you're a bit inconsiderate. Otherwise it's as much an adult's choice not to smoke as it is to smoke.

So in conclusion, the OPs chum was being U. And if it'd been me on the receiving end words would've been exchanged.

I said it before, but the attire of vilifying anyone lighting up just doesn't happen in Europe. It's a much more measured attitude and healthier too IMHO.

Take a good look in the mirror and feel ashamed

What utter bollocks.

Why is is acceptable to inflict smoke on someone but not to blow it back at them? They are both the same.

Excellent post IAmNotAMindReader

I hate smoking because I find the smell rank and it makes me feel ill.

If I sat down at a table next to a smoker I would expect to have to deal with it. Odd how this doesn't apply if a smoker sits down to a non smoker who asks them not to blow smoke in their direction...

There were more, polite ways this could have been broached without your friend resorting to ridicule and belittling.

What, you mean like asking them not to? Like she did first and then again...?

Soup she didn't ask per se; she acted like a complete arsehole.

I honestly believe a polite request usually works in such cases.

I'm a smoker, and tbh, I've met some of the nicest people in the smoking areas! And most smokers are considerate of others. Most of us do try to smoke where the wind will blow it away from others eating, small children, etc. But like with everything, you do get some inconsiderate twats who will ruin it for everyone.

But OP, in the situation you were in your friend was rude, and from what you've said embarrassed the couple and you.

Good on your friend I say. Though I can totally understand your embarrassment!

I'm a smoker and go out of my way to sit next to non smokers and also to find small children to blow smoke directly in their faces, with intent to kill.

Except I don't, of course.

But let's not let actual real life get in the way of a good story, eh?!

IAmNotAMindReader

Why is is acceptable to inflict smoke on someone but not to blow it back at them? They are both the same.

They are not the same soup. The smoker in this scenario was minding her own business with no intention of humiliating or upsetting anyone. The friend however went out of her way to make the smoker feel small and humiliated in front of a crowd.

Had the smoker purposely blown smoke all over the friend saying 'you're so boring and uptight for not smoking' and she blown it back at her with the fan then it would be the same but that's not what happened here.

her way to make the smoker feel small and humiliated in front of a crowd
This just wouldn't happen to me (not only would I not smoke in that situation but...)
I would keep smoking and thank the woman kindly for keeping cool whilst I did it!
I can do PA just as well as anyone else!

Your friend is bonkers.
Although, I was heavily pregnant last summer and in a (small, covered over) beer garden with two friends who proceeded to chain smoke whilst sitting next to me. I thought that was pretty unreasonable...

Smokers are now considered on a par with puppy drowners and Grade A perverts. I am a non smoker, and have never had so much as a single puff in my life, but think your friend was being highly unreasonable.

In the olden days when smokers could smoke inside cafes it was polite to say "do you mind if I smoke?" If folks at the next table were eating.

I smoke, not a lot but I do. I go to my allotment. My neighbours don't smoke and have young kids. The smell goes into their house. I know for a fact because when they light their easy light charcoal BBQ it stinks my house for hours.....and the other neighbours kids both yelled STOP SMOKING one time when I was smoking out back. So off I go like a leper to my allotment to smoke......
It's inconsiderate to smoke beside non smokers, legal or not.
It's madness to ask someone who doesn't give a shit where they smoke to "move their smoke somewhere else"

Where can I buy a fan? Battery operated was it? I'm thinking multiple use - tube farters.

'Your child was not only rude but wrong. That lady was not trying to kill her/him. In fact, s/he would not have been in any danger at all.'

2nd hand smoke is known Asthma trigger. On occasion it has set my Asthma off, even outside. The child could have had Asthma or another lung condition.

I'm an ex-smoker and don't mind the smoke so much.

What I hate is when you are walking behind someone smoking and they flick their fag ash and it goes all over you.

Also, I hate the smell of a freshly put out cigarette on people, like when they get on the bus and waft past you. Their breath always smells of rotting dustbins in hot summer.

But don't mind the smoke so much.