Friends behaviour towards this smoker

[Sherlocked1606]

I met a friend this morning for coffee, it was dry out so we sat outside at the café's table and chairs.

A few minutes after we sat done another couple sat down and proceeded to light a cigarette. Unfortunately due to the breeze the smoke was wafting towards us.

My friend asked the woman to not have her smoke in our direction the woman apologised and kind of moved her hand in a fan motion.

A few minutes later my friend was getting annoyed and asks again to stop the smoke traveling. The man at the other table just turned and glared at us.

My friend got out a small portable fan and turned it on and pointed it at the couple which loudly saying how selfish smokers are, how disgusting it was. People were starring and the couple (and me) was embarrassed. The couple then left.

I told my friend that she was being ridiculous and we could have moved. My friend seemed to think I wbu rather than her. Wsbu?

smoking right next to someone is the only one that is proven to impact another person's health

Fine, that someone can move away if they are worried. (I'm not convinced they always really are.) They could ask the smoker to put out their cigarette. They could choose to eat inside. Whatever. My point is that this extreme antagonism towards smokers, bordering as it does on the rabid, is unacceptable.

Why is it 'rude' for a child to point out an uncomfortable truth

Because it's gobby, precocious and lacks social grace. I'm surprised you need to have that explained to you.

If this child feels at liberty to behave this way what or who will they comment loudly on next? Seeing as their mother is so proud of their big mouth and bad manners.

Maybebaybee - no. First, being fat is not a decision one makes, as is smoking a cigarette in public/near a child. Second, someone else's weight has no impact on my/my child's health, but their smoking might. One cigarette probably won't, but if it happens everywhere I go it might well.

Why is it 'rude' for a child to point out an uncomfortable truth
Because it's not the truth - for one.
And if it was a different addiction, like an obese person, would it be OK for that kid to stand and point and say loudly 'look at that fat woman killing herself by eating too much'???
NOPE!!!! It would not!

I want to be your friend.

She obviously gives not a fuck.

pictish - ah, I thought these reactions might be about the 'precocious' child daring to criticise its elders and betters.

I wouldn't actively encourage my child to behave like that. But if my child had said that about a smoker I wouldn't have felt particularly inclined to tell him off for it. Smoking near a child is bad behaviour (at least as lacking in 'social grace' as th child's comment), and people indulging in bad behaviour need to expect it to get called out. IMO.

Not sure how old the child is, but they need to learn that other people's addictions, whether it's nicotine, alcohol, drugs, food or anything else, is about the addict.

They're not deliberately setting out to try to kill them...

I can only imagine the level of paranoia when they find out what exhaust fumes do to our lungs.

hellsbells - see my post immediately before yours :)

I didn't know cake and chocolate have several hundred differnt toxins in and make your hair and clothes stink long after you've consumed them! Must have been missing something.

First, being fat is not a decision one makes, as is smoking a cigarette in public/near a child. Second, someone else's weight has no impact on my/my child's health, but their smoking might. One cigarette probably won't, but if it happens everywhere I go it might well.

• over eating is an addiction. So is smoking. But yes one does make a decision to be overweight, in that sense. I think both deserve sympathy. You clearly don't. But it's illogical as I don't see the difference in being addicted to one thing versus another.

• you just said it was fine to point out "an uncomfortable truth". By that logic it's fine for your kid to say rude things purely on the basis they're true. It isn't.

• too right one cigarette isn't going to affect your child's health. If you have the kind of hysterical kid who thinks cigarettes are going to kill him I can't imagine you frequent places where there are tonnes of smokers anyway.

This argument could go in circles for days. I'm off for an outside fag break which won't blow on anyone.

usual - Even if I agreed with you (so a bit of cake/choc is worse than a bit of fag smoke? I'm sure you'd react differently to your child coming home from a party and saying 'We had birthday cake' to them saying 'Jack's mum gave us all a drag on a fag') it's not just a 'bit' of smoke, is it, if everyone does it? And it's a bit of a myth that smoke takes on magical non-damaging properties as soon as it's produced outside.

(maybe, it wasn't my kid )

Fuck me how rude!!! I tell you what though, had it been me she had done that to she certainly wouldn't be showing off that twattery without thinking long and hard next time, she needs to be careful who she shows that attitude to (before anyone starts I am not a violent person but I can have an acid tongue when in the defensive).

I know it wasn't yours, I was making a general point.

I think I hit mumsnet gold last week. Two smokers coming to sit inside next to my small kids and smoke (forreign parts no ban although they were Brits) on an excursion designed for kids. Oh and one of the smokers was quite heavily pregnant.

I am not ashamed to say I was quite rude about them both. Selfish fuckers.

So, it's somehow OK to do "A" which involves blowing smoke about but not activity "B" which involves blowing it back at the person doing "A"

OK.

Threads like this evoke fond memories of the good old days when almost everyone smoked: on the bus, on the tube, in offices, in other people's homes (even if the hosts were non-smokers), in restaurants, in the cinema, at school (well, in the staff room)... The smell of smoke was pervasive and every surface was covered in a thin film of nicotine. The world was a happier, yellower place .

The world was a happier, yellower place

Yellower, yes.
happier, no.

Your friend was being a little unreasonable and somewhat bonkers, but I wish more people would behave like this. I don't think one cigarette's worth of passive smoking is going to impact on my health, I just think smokers don't realise quite how much their passive smoking smells and impacts on those around them. Perhaps they don't want to. And they'll just hold on to the fact that what they're doing is perfectly legal. Yes, it is, but also somewhat inconsiderate.

I don't think your friend handled it very well at all but I do understand her point of view ( if not her complete overreaction )
It is a bit grim sitting outside enjoying a meal and a drink and then having smoke drift over, it really does stink. I'd either put up with it or move.

Someone will come along now and say what about car fumes, it seems to be a stock response from some smokers to justify the danger and stink of cigarette smoke.

Sirchenjin, Twirly & Hetero I applaud you all. I'm in total agreement with everything you've said, but have long since learned that there is no point in arguing with those determined to ignore scientific fact. for trying