DD return from University

[user1465822474]

Only DD returned from Uni last week, skint. No sign of any summer job on the horizon (hinting will have the opposite effect to encouragement I fear), expecting free board and lodging for the summer (fine) and to be fed as well (not fine). AIBU to ask her to pay for her own food? She's got an extremely healthy appetite and certainly hasn't starved when at Uni- her diet has been way better than ours actually. Me and husband are both really hard up at the moment because both self employed and owed money so we really can't afford this- or any luxuries. My only one is a quarterly trip to the hygienist for a tooth polish but now I'm feeling guilty about that as DD says she's in real need of one too but can't afford it. Can feel resentment building up at same rate as bank account getting depleted (and we have until October of this, potentially). Don't want to upset her but not sure how best to approach the conversation we'll need to have pretty soon.

I cleaned the house, walked the dogs, mowed the lawn, and made my dad dinner at 6am. Just in case you might think I was dossing, I wasn't.
I had fantasies of taking off with a fishing rod, a bag of rice, a book about foraging and a tent. I really wish I had! Good luck OP.

I think students have to work during the summer holidays. If their parents do not live somewhere where work is available then students need to go elsewhere to find it. There are masses of summer jobs overseas or teaching English.

It's up to the family. It's rather nice to have your summers mostly free and why ever not? However if it's too expensive to feed them or the family wants them to work away or work near home then that is for the resident parent to decide.

Employers do not look favorably [understatement] on graduates who disused during their summer vacations. That's why.

dossed

Masses of overseas jobs for 4 months that would pay your airfare if you don't have it, I doubt it. You need a TEFL to teach English overseas.

The OP has long gone...

This is probably a wind up, isn't it? It's got Daily Heil written all over it.

Of course there are lots of low paid but not uninteresting summer jobs that pay your way, for English speakers. And TEFL is most definitely not needed!

My dd is the same age as the OP's; the only difference is that she didn't go off to uni in the first place as she did not get into the education she wanted (very competitive) and wants to keep re-trying, so has been living at home all year.

The other difference is that we had all discussions up-front from the start, before anyone had time to get resentful. The contingency of dd not getting into the places she had applied to was foreseeable (just as the OP's dd coming home in the summer was foreseeable), so we discussed the date by which she would need to start looking for work and the other arrangements around it (paying a percentage at home, taking her turn to cook). Finding unqualified work was not easy: she had to try around 50 places before she got an interview, but she stuck it and spent several weeks doing just that. What buoyed her up was knowing that we expected her to keep trying but were not judging her for not getting something straightaway. And that when finances were low, we were all in it together.

I'm an ex english teacher, worked in Japan, teaching jobs without tefl's are like rocking horse shit. Especially 4 month postings. Personally I wouldn't send my child to any institution to work where they didn't require one.

Sorry havent read the whole thread. Does she have post-uni blues?

My ds who is back from Uni for the holidays has been trying since Easter to get a summer job without any success - I have been helping him with with CV and sending him links if I see something but it is not that easy. His friend got a part time supermarket job last year by lying and pretending he was not going to Uni and then resigned. I am fortunate that I can feed him and making him work is a point of principal more than anything so do feel sorry for the OP but just wanted to say it isn't always easy to get work.

It's really tricky as a parent. You feel you should encourage your child to go to uni but then saddle yourself with 3 years of still supporting them to an extend (even with student loans) and then they leave with a huge debt and unable to find a graduate job. I've being saying to my younger one...these apprenticeship schemes look good.........

Teaching jobs without TEFL are everywhere in France.

Do they pay your fares for a short summer job, BoboChic?

Coming from a family that is short of money may cut down on opportunities that the rest of us may take for granted.

not for 4 months there aren't.

"As little as five years ago, language schools in France were taking on pretty much anyone to teach English, as long as they were a native speaker and spoke a bit of French. But thankfully, there are more and more TEFL (or TESOL in the USA) teachers out there, so language schools no longer need to take on non-qualified teachers"
What I found after quick search on google "teaching English in France" from a language school. Saturated market, she is under woefully under qualified and inexperienced and probably doesn't speak even a little bit of French. It is not realistic.

It's quite interesting what people think is good experience. (Good for who?)

For example there was the poster who thought it was good for her son to be shouted at by an unreasonable boss in his temporary work.

Then there's also the question about the hypothetical clients of these inexperienced workers in their late teens. Would we want our small children to be babysat and minded by an 18 or 19 year old who was only doing it because their parents had said they were on a no-frills subsistence diet unless they brought in some cash immediately?

Or our for older children on an expensive summer activity holiday to be 'taught' another language by a lonely scared incompetent person just a few years older than they were, who'd been pushed out for the summer by their parents?

Elinor, your post is pretty emotive in its language and imagery.

'on a no-frills subsistence diet unless they brought in some cash immediately'

'a lonely scared incompetent person just a few years older than they were, who'd been pushed out for the summer by their parents'

I don't think the OP said she was thinking of telling her DD to bring in the cash 'immediately' or face dire consequences. And she is probably not going to be lonely, scared or incompetent; let's do the OP and her DH the courtesy of assuming that they are emotionally supportive and compassionate parents.

There are plenty of overseas jobs out there, but they won't be as nice at teaching English. They'll be long hours hotel or campsite work, possibly living in a tent. She'd have to get there cheaply, there are bargain bus companies. Lots of young people have a great time in that sort of job though and working abroad does look good on a student CV. I think you need to be quite self motivated to do it and it doesn't sound as though OP's daughter is. That's why other people's CVs will stand out.

How much does she know about your financial situation? If she thinks that all is well, then you can't really blame her for wanting an easy life with all home comforts!

I would sit her down and tell her how worried you are about money, and how much you are struggling. And tell her that you really would appreciate her help via getting a job and paying towards her expenses. It will probably be a bit of a shock for her to hear, but I bet she wants to help out once she understands

SolomanDaisy it'll be too late to get an overseas summer job now though - the holiday season will have started in most places, and even where it haven't the time to apply for seasonal work in the tourist industry overseas tends to be November of the previous year.

It might be possible to pick up cash in hand work leafleting ("Promoting") or the like in a dodgy place on the sport but there is absolutely no way that kind of work would pay somebody's air fare to go out - the DD would have to find her own air fare and would earn just about enough to subsist while there, not to make the air fare back. It would be quite high risk too, in terms of finding enough work to support herself fully with no savings, especially if she doesn't have anyone to share accommodation costs with lined up...

You also don't know if she is homesick at all. Mine has disliked uni, and was very glad to be home. Moving away for a job would be very difficult - I've had enough on trying to keep her at uni.

Yes for some overseas work is good, but doesn't work for all.

Definitely not too late to get overseas summer work, especially something like au-pairing or waitressing/hotel work in general.

ALL UK summer language courses are absolutely crying out for uni students to be activity leaders. Check tefl.com. Most of ours are uni students and come back year after year. Free board and lodging, a couple of hundred a week and living with about 30 other uni students doing the same. What's not to like?

I recruit, and concur with Bobo. I'd look very closely at a graduate who hadn't worked during their long vacation.

I wouldn't send my child to work in TEFL if they didn't ask for a qualification either. But we're talking adults here, not children. Loads of summer camp/courses in both Spain and Italy still recruiting.