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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people blathering on on FB about wishing their 1 year old a happy birthday represents all that's wrong with the world?!

223 replies

SweetElizaRose · 13/06/2016 07:55

I know, I know, hide it and don't use FB.

There seems to have been a tidal wave of people on my FB wall wishing their children who are much too young to have FB, or in fact be able to read, a happy birthday. Said parent then goes on for several hundred words about how awesome their child is and how awesome being a parent is and oh god it's all so amazing. Some people must spend their lives being constantly amazed by very very little. It's just showboating isn't it? No wonder these kids grow up so entitled and thinking they're god's gift.
I'm going to delete them.
Along with people who keep sharing memories of their children from a couple of years ago and writing 'can't believe how small they were.' Well yes, that's what happens, they get bigger.
And people who post those 'share if you have an amazing son / daughter who is your world'
Just for once I'd like to read one that says 'share if your kids are pretty average.'

Potentially I am very grumpy from having no sleep...

OP posts:
Laiste · 13/06/2016 09:08

''[i'm] suffering from terrible pnd so am getting absolutely no joy from either of my children to the point where I can't see how anyone actually does''

I think you need to post again and make this your title OP. You''ll get support from every poster instead of a row Flowers

sephineee · 13/06/2016 09:08

Intended for people who wish the family well and want to see photos. I like seeing photos of friends who I don't manage to see and their kids. That's the appeal of fb!

IamCarcass · 13/06/2016 09:08

What Jasper said...
50 people shot dead In a single attack and you think that the problem with the world is a mother loving her child and expressing that love?
Facebook is what it's users make it, I personally love these posts. If there is more good in the pot, there would be less room for the bad.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/06/2016 09:12

I remember your other posts, OP. So I understand that in your circumstances, feeling that people's happy posts are all in-your-face 'look how wonderful me and my life are' and as you say, 'feeds into people's unhappiness'.

But as people have told you before, most families are actually happy and most partners are not twats. It's not really the happy FB posts that are the problem in this case.

OllyBJolly · 13/06/2016 09:12

The only reason I'm on Facebook is to keep in touch with rarely seen family and friends. I think it's great to see my cousin's children's offspring growing up - they live across the globe and I'd never be part of that without Facebook. Facebook has reconnected me to some very special people from my past and I'll always be grateful for that.

I do get a bit Hmm with the messages to babies and one year olds, and double Hmm about how much I love my husband posts but generally, I think that's what Facebook is for.

What I do hate is how Facebook seems to know so much about me....

Shadow1986 · 13/06/2016 09:13

OP now you've mentioned the PND it does make more sense why you'd post something like this. Sleep deprivation and PND can't be easy and will no doubt make you very irritable.

MagicDucky · 13/06/2016 09:14

Exactly what Laiste said. If you're feeling like that an "AIBU about other peoples happiness" isn't the best place to get help.

I hope you get the support you need.

JoffreyBaratheon · 13/06/2016 09:22

My great gran would have shown off her white wash on the line and polished her doorstep every morning to show how well she was doing by her family. I think much of what gets posted on FB is the modern equivalent.

This is probably nail on head.

I'm middle aged so it's only my younger relatives and friends having babies, no longer my friends and contemporaries. I enjoy the odd baby photo because it brings back happy memories for me of my kids being that age (and it's nice to be reminded the stroppy "Where is my school shirt? Why haven't you ironed my school shirt! You''re a failure as a mother!") 15 year old, was once also cute and I was once equally naive.

That said, we checked out our neighbours from hell (well known to the police and social services - the ones we saw kicking a dog in the stomach whilst their 3 year old watched, a foot away) and sure enough, the banner is a 'happy family' photo, and she's a fan of those "Nominate The Best Mother You Know" posts (intriguing after we've just heard her in the garden bellowing to her 5 year old that he is a cunt).

So I think they are for some people, a very useful fiction to fool the SS, etc and maybe convince elderly parents to give them more £s for booze with the "Look what a fab parent I am!" schtick.

My kids have done some lovely achievements - autistic son was Student of the Year at his large college, and got into university despite spending the first 11 years of his life at a special unit and not being able to read til he was 16 or 17. I've never posted a word on FB - because anyone who matters will already have been told and anyone who doesn't matter doesn't need to know.

I'm far more likely to publish a lengthy paeon to my dog, than my kids. The "Nominate the best mum you know" shite should probably be used by SS as an indicator to flag up a dysfunctional parent.

Also I did have many years of seeing my ex post his F4J shit, and put up photos of the kids for his creepy church friends to lust after, and going on about he was Father Of The Century. He hasn't seen the kids since 2003 and has never paid a penny for them. He's currently enjoying a several month long 'holiday' in Southern Italy. The kids didn't even have their customary two days in a wet tent in Scarborough last year - their stepdad (who really is a dad of heroic proportions and has never been celebrated on FB, either) and I simply can't afford it.

So yes. If I see a lengthy post implying someone is parent of the year or their kids are the Centre Of My World I do tend to feel a bit cynical. People who are good parents aren't plastering their kids over the internet. Full privacy settings and sharing it only with your very nearest and dearest and oldest friends, is fair enough.

agirlhasnomoney · 13/06/2016 09:27

but I'm with you OP. It is showboating in most cases. I love your comment that many people seem to be amazed by very little!

Another who agrees with you..

The ones that bang on about being so blessed and so amazed , usually over the most mundane of things, are the ones that do my head in..

But I fear you are fighting a losing battle, it seems to be a thing now, judging by the overly defensive replies on here. Grin

corythatwas · 13/06/2016 09:28

Flowers to the OP- pnd is crap

Apart from that, I think some of us are simply not made for Facebook: there is no shame in not having an account; I never have and probably avoid a lot of things that would annoy me.

(having said that, if I was a Facebook person I'd be on there whooping with joy every time dd had a birthday because she is still alive and I spent long enough thinking she wouldn't be)

Birdsgottafly · 13/06/2016 09:30

I was going to post that if this comes close to "what's wrong in the world", then you need to open your eyes and educate yourself, all I seem to be reading about lately, is people killing their beautiful toddlers and other such tragedies.

But, PND can make you incredibly insular.

My Mother, who failed both me and my Sister badly, would have the same opinion as yourself, she also 'rolled her eyes' at shows of affection etc, on television, between Parents & Children, declaring "what rubbish". Never recognising that she was the one at fault.

If come off FB, until things have picked up. I said the same to my DD, when she was just sleep deprived, everything seems like a dig against you and is magnified.

baggyleggings · 13/06/2016 09:35

This reply has been deleted

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agirlhasnomoney · 13/06/2016 09:35

Joffreybarathean has hit the nail on the head with that post.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/06/2016 09:36

FB is like a diary for some people. Also they like to show photos to distant relatives. If you don't like it step away, methinks :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/06/2016 09:38

obviously hope you feel better soon Flowers

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 13/06/2016 09:38

But this is what facebook is for, sharing the mundane and important events of your life. I think people should share what they want. I came off it because I didn't want to read all the bragging anymore, but that was my problem..

MotherKat · 13/06/2016 09:38

All that's wrong with the world?
And you'd say that today
YUABVFU!

agirlhasnomoney · 13/06/2016 09:38

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treaclesoda · 13/06/2016 09:38

I don't do the whole 'I'm so blessed' thing, it's not me at all.

But I'd rather go on facebook to see a lot of my friends 'feeling blessed' and having 'family time' etc than see a lot of passive aggressive comments and moaning about nothing.

Muskateersmummy · 13/06/2016 09:39

We struggled to Concieve, nearly lost our dd many times through the pregnancy and then she was premature so yep all the mundane things with her are a blessing, so sometimes I look at her and feel blessed. I post to give others in who are in the position I was in, hope. And because in that moment I do feel blessed.

I am amazed by how fast her life is going, how quickly each year passes. Why shouldn't that be said on fb? Why shouldn't I share my dd's birthday with my friends and family?

Op pnd sucks. Maybe have a fb break. Focus on you and your family for a while. I hope you feel stronger soon Flowers

agirlhasnomoney · 13/06/2016 09:40

Also, nice way to speak to someone with pnd Angry

hazeyjane · 13/06/2016 09:41

A lot of my friends who post 'feeling blessed' and write about how lovely and amazing their children or husbands or friends are, have been through or are going through some pretty difficult stuff. I love seeing their posts, and hope they are doing ok, and yes sometimes looking back at photos of friends kids when they were babies and doing the, 'My God they were so tiny stuff.

It's just chit chat, and small talk, and keeping in touch.

But I get that when you are going through PND or any form of depression, stuff like this can feel like rubbing lemon juice in your eyes.

Maybe come off facebook for a bit. I hope you find ways of feeling better. Flowers

baggyleggings · 13/06/2016 09:42

Having now read the whole post Blush I would like to apologise to OP for previous comment. How do I delete my own comment?

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/06/2016 09:42

Op, not going to bash you, you're clearly having a shit time and that is the crux of the matter Flowers

I post a lot of stuff about my ds and family photos etc. I also post jokey mundane stuff about public transport or work etc. I love seeing that kind of stuff from other people, it brightens my day - those who live a long way away and i no longer see etc - and so don't really think twice about posting it myself (though agree about the 'share if' crap). As others have said, Facebook is not the issue here. I wish more people had this love in them and perhaps the world wouldn't be as bad. Sorry.

LineyReborn · 13/06/2016 09:45

Bloody hell, the personal attacks against the OP on this thread are appalling.

I thought that even before her PND became clear.

Do some people really get off on calling an individual poster all those things? I think that says a hell of a lot about them, personally.