I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

proteus you didn't agree or disagree with the consensus ie that the GGM was rude to the OP and best ignored or challenged.

In fact you bypassed that all together.

You made a bee line for a thread with 'fat' in the title, ignored the main point and went straight in to judge the OP's weight negatively. Have a word with yourself.

Whatever Proteus said, she didn't deserve those vile insults

However, it's going to remain a size 12-14 torso because I do still have breasts, and there needs to be enough room in the fabric to cover them. Controversial, I know.

Actually, it is controversial because - guess what. People who are smaller sizes than you may ALSO have breasts. Breasts aren't the preserve of people who wear the bigger sizes. I am beyond fed up of reading comments like this.

GetAHaircutCarl

Here are some bits from my first couple of posts on this thread:

"I think it would be a huge overreaction to effectively prevent your children from seeing their great-grandmother, and make your DH's relationship with his grandmother very difficult, on the basis of a few somewhat tactless comments. Elderly people make comments like this quite often."

"Her DH's grandmother is presumably a very old person and said something a bit insensitive - not spectacularly so, I've had worse from elderly relatives, and so I suspect have most of us here."

"To suggest that she should no longer see the elderly relative is ludicrous and would be totally unfair on all the family members involved, incl her husband and children. It is hardly an extreme comment and would have washed over her if she wasn't already feeling bad about herself- which is also why she included her full stats in her post."

So no, I didn't "bypass that all together." I addressed those points and also got into debate about the broader issues around weight, eating, shaming, etc. as did many other posters.

Thanks other posters who have said nice things. Thefitfatty I take your point about phrasing things better in future. Genuinely

I'm hugely controversial then as at 11 stone, 5'2" I was a comfortable size 10 with a 29" waist.

Except I'm not controversial at all because on a very recent thread it transpired that there were quite a few posters like me.
Short, with large frame, hourglass shape, prone to muscle rather than fat & doing a large amount of intense & varied types of training.

By the end of the thread there were quite a few of us comparing wrist sizes to gauge frame and the variation was immense.
There were some very petite posters who had very small wrist sizes ranging through to the larger end like me.

I'm very, very overweight now though but still fit easily into a 16, at 16 stone.

Breasts aren't the preserve of people who wear the bigger sizes. I am beyond fed up of reading comments like this.

And did I say that people with smaller dress-sizes didn't have breasts? But I am actually sorry that it sounded that way. I can appreciate that you may encounter comments like that and it must be just as tiresome as "size 14 is overweight" posts are for me.

Why Uhtred? Why does that upset you? Why does this subject make women so angry?

I know what you mean mango. I'm 12 stone and 5 ft 6. Comfortably a size 12 at pretty much every store. Very active.

Someone posted pictures of us from prom in 1998 today. I was 120 pounds in the pic. I looked the same weight. My arms actually look better and thinner now (much more toned), my stomach is wider from the front but the same from the side (thanks diastasis recti) and I've got bigger boobs and a better ass.
Win win at 35 i say.

Win win indeed

I aim to be back at my happy size within the next year hopefully - a long spate of being incapacitated & on bad boy steroids have ruined me.
I've put on just over 5 stone (3 stone was in a 4 month period ).
I've stayed pretty steady at around 16 for about a year now, and I move very little so at least I know what's going in = what's burning off whilst I'm doing practically nothing - as soon as I start getting active again it should start coming off without much drama I hope.

Slow and steady and no rush. :)

Im a 32HH I take a 12/14 in clothes. But if i buy a blouse i have to get one in a bigger size. The black one i got for a funeral last year was an 18.

There was a show on Channel 4 (last year i think or the year before) where a woman was refused a breast reduction and told that losing weight would get the weight off her breasts. So she lost 5 stone ,but breasts did NOT get any smaller so she went back to the doctor who again refused. She took it all the way to an appeal panel who also refused. She was really pissed off at the way she was treated.

Ive lost ten stone and gone from a 46G to a 32HH and no i do not need a bra intervention just to pre empt that particular tirade. The woman who measures me is very experienced and has been doing it for years and also is experienced with women who have had mastectomies.

I was a DD when i was 15 so was always big in the breast department. I get it from my dads mum. My mum is an A cup.

The misogyny goes even further than just policing womens bodies When we do lose weight successfully we then get told how we can magically control which part of our bodies it wiil/does come off of. There is absolutely nothing i can do to make my breasts smaller bar an operation and im not that bothered.

Slow and steady no rush.

Exactly.

Lynda I suppose it's the whole weight of body-shaming comment every woman experiences or witnesses in her lifetime. I've re-read my post now and I can see why Uhtred took it that way. From my end, it was a dry comment about trying to find a top to accommodate my breasts, which owed much to a frustrating morning clothes shopping. But I don't have people assuming I don't have breasts at all from my clothes size.

Thefitfatty, I'm 5'6 and I look my best between 11 and 12 stone - and can maintain 12 stone comfortably and happily. When I was less than 11 stone and further down into the mid-range of healthy BMI I was amazed to discover that all my problems didn't melt away. Instead, I looked in the mirror and found fault with the way my face seemed too long now and that highlighted my crooked nose. My stomach was flat, so my critical gaze made its way to my upper arms - why hadn't the weight come off there as much? I still wasn't happy in sleeveless tops. Now when I waited at a bus stop with my toddler, a van slowed down and the driver made his appreciation of my body known in lurid terms - this wasn't validating, it wasn't really preferable to when they shouted 'fat cow' to be honest. I didn't find this magical BMI brought me that much joy and I couldn't maintain it. But 12 stone feels right to me, though I know it would horrify many posters and may well not be ideal for my physical health. My mental health is better at that weight though and every day wasn't such a struggle. I've got a bit of weight to lose just now to get back there following a pregnancy that wreaked havoc with my health and I'll be really happy if I make it!

If the NHS is so concerned about weight why are they still peddling the low fat myth and prescribing sterioids because they are cheaper

After the way i was bullied about my weight by them when i was younger there is no way i would take sterioids. If i get ill they can find another way and not be such hypocrites.

It's hard to believe I'm having to spell this out. A 32HH bust can measure about 48" in the leaning forwards position, and 44" standing up without a bra. Bust circumference wearing the bra is likely to be 46".

The wearer will need a size 18/20 top. She might easily have a 28" waist and 38" hips, giving a UK size 12 on the bottom. Her breasts weigh around 2.5kg.

A woman needing a 32C bra has decent-sized breasts, as well. Her bust circumference is about 36" in a bra. Her top size is 12, and so is her bottom. Her breasts weigh 0.7kg.

No-one implied "slim women don't have breasts". The point was that a busty woman needing a size 18 dress may be just as slim as another woman who fits size 12 dresses. And weighs 2kg more because her boobs are bigger. (Some women's breasts weigh over 5kg!)

The same naturally applies to women with large buttocks, but I can't find any reliable calculators for those.

I'm fat and not particularly well-endowed, but I'm size 18/20 on top and 14/16 on the bottom. I do lose/gain weight fairly evenly, though, so the proportions stay roughly the same: I used to need 12/14 tops with 8/10 bottoms. There are many women whose boobs and bums stay big when the rest of them gets smaller.

Steroids are the devils work Helena, I agree - they ruin you.
I had to take beta blockers alongside them as they affected me really badly on the withdrawal (I had to do a really fast taper).

They did the job they had to though for me, to get inflammation down enough for me to have urgent surgery (as it turned out it was carried out just in time as my bowel was mm away from joining to my Fallopian tube).

I was grateful obviously, but now left with the aftermath of it all.
Bugger.

I have always been ample of buttock Garlic

I was positively cock-a-hoop when it became fashionable to have a large ass...

Steroids can indeed puff you up at startling speed. Yet we still have diet gurus insisting that hormones don't affect weight. Excuse me, I have to go and bang my head against a wall

The most soul destroying thing was when I came out of hospital half a stone heavier after a week of nil-by-mouth.
I had cock all to eat, but I was on glucose & steroid drips the whole time.

Mango, I used to do a whole workout to make my bum bigger. One of my happiest moments was when a group of Brixton "Mommas" told me I had a black ass
Mine was nothing on theirs - but it was very motivating!

God, that sounds really scary, Mango! I'm so glad they fixed you up in time.

Mango that is shit and sounds bloody painful as well.

Fab post Garlic You have explained it much better than i did

Laser I'm the same. With the exception of my stomach (damn you diastasis recti!!!) I look better then I ever have, and fell better then I ever have, and have less health issues at this weight. :)